- "Once upon a time there was a long haired [sic] boy. He was always made fun of for having long hair by the kids at school but he didn't know what they meant and always flipped them off. This boy didn't have long hair by choice, he was blind and it was always cold outside because he was always naked so he had numb hands."
- —Excerpt from "The Long Haired Boy"[src]
"The Long Haired Boy" was a 2002 Smosh.com article submitted by the website's Webmaster and Staff member Anthony Padilla under the username "WienerSmosh." Published on November 14, 2002 in the site's Stories category, the article focuses on a long-haired boy who suffers from blindness and numbness and, as a result, is unaware when his long hair or large erection bothers or hassles others. The article was lost by September 16, 2006, when Padilla's computer hard drive failed and all Smosh.com content was lost.
Synopsis[]
- "The boy also always had a big erectile object in his pants but he never knew because he was numb. He always broke thing [sic] like vases and always knocked down candles and burned down villages as he walked with his erectile object and beat lots of people up with it on accident."
- —Excerpt from "The Long Haired Boy"[src]
A long-haired boy who is always teased for having long hair by his classmates at his school remains oblivious to their taunting since he is ignorant of their intentions and always flips them off. The boy, who does not have long hair by choice, is also blind and is consequently always nude. Since it is always cold outside, he is also always numb, especially in his hands. One day, while sitting in class, the boy goes to use the bathroom but falls on his elderly teacher and unintentionally sexually touches her, which he remains oblivious to due to his numbness. His classmates try to help their teacher, but she instructs them to "chill out" and tells them that she can handle the situation, which she does by performing kung fu and biting the boy on his erection, which he does not feel.[1]
In addition to his long hair, blindness, and numbness, the long-haired boy also has a large erection in his pants, which he never notices due to his numbness. As a result, his erection causes him to accidentally break vases, knock down candles, burn down villages, and hit people. Whenever he walks around, onlookers respond with shock about its size and color while vomiting on it, none of which the boy can observe or feel. He also owns a pet hippopotamus that he rides to school on in the streets, where he remains unaware whenever he is hit by cars or buses for the same reason he is oblivious to everything else. Sometimes, cars will run over feces left on the road by the hippo, and one day, a man observes the feces, opens a door, starts screaming and having a seizure, and jumps off a nearby cliff.[1]
In an addendum, the writer claims that the story is "so totally awesome" that, when he reads it, he sometimes starts uncontrollably dancing with garden gnomes and goblins and playing games of hopscotch.[1]
History[]
- "This story is so totally awesome that sometimes I start uncontrollably dancing with lawn gnomes and goblins and playing hopscotch when I read it."
- —Anthony Padilla in an addendum to "The Long Haired Boy"[src]
Anthony Padilla, who submitted "The Long Haired Boy" to his website Smosh.com, in 2002
"The Long Haired Boy" was an article submitted by[1] Smosh.com Webmaster[2] and creator[4] Anthony Padilla[2] under the username "WienerSmosh"[2] and published on November 14, 2002 at 11:13:56 p.m. in the Stories category of the website's "Articles" section. It is the first article published by Padilla and the fourth Smosh.com article overall, published[1] four days after the website's launch[4] and eight minutes after the previous article, "Inverted Gravity," which was submitted by[5] the website's Staff member Stephen under the username "CrazyMPSmosh."[2] The next article on the website was "Top 10 things to do with Duct Tape," which was also submitted by Padilla and published two minutes after "The Long Haired Boy."[6] "The Long Haired Boy" was also the third and final article in the Stories category, published ten minutes after "The Clueless Happy Boy," which was submitted by[7] another Staff member, Andy A., under the username "DementedSmosh."[2]
By September 16, 2006, Padilla's hard drive failed, bringing Smosh.com and all of its content down, including the article. Additionally, his backup drives had been wiped clean with no way of recovering the data, meaning the article could not be officially restored.[3]
Reception[]
By June 29, 2003, "The Long Haired Boy" was viewed 146 times.[7]
Appearances[]
| People | Characters | Creatures | Events | Food |
| Locations | Media | Organizations and titles | Technology | Miscellanea |
People
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Characters
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Creatures
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Locations
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Organizations and titles
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Technology
Miscellanea
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Sources[]
The Long Haired Boy on Smosh.com (content removed; backup link)- Stories on Smosh.com (link) (content removed; backup link)
Notes and references[]
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 1.8
The Long Haired Boy on Smosh.com (content removed; backup link)
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 Staff on Smosh.com (content removed; backup link)
- ↑ 3.0 3.1
A Brand New Smosh Site! on the Smosh Forums (content obsolete, backup link)
- ↑ 4.0 4.1 Smosh.com on the Smosh Forums — WienerSmosh: "We finally got smosh.com! With this new domain name, we also got a new server. Due to the new server, you will be seeing a lot of updates, so keep refreshing, bookmark us, and check back frequently! / Oh yeah, we got some staff pictures so check those out HERE." (Posted November 10, 2002, 11:43 AM) (content removed, backup link)
- ↑ Inverted Gravity on Smosh.com (content removed; backup link)
- ↑ Top 10 things to do with Duct Tape on Smosh.com (link) (content removed; backup link)
- ↑ 7.0 7.1 Stories on Smosh.com (link) (content removed; backup link)
