Taylor Swift broke up with a guy named Anthony and wrote a bunch of mean songs about how much of a terrible boyfriend he "really" is.
In the house, Ian and Anthony watch the news. The news anchor (Ian) talks about Taylor Swift's album called Anthony, I hate, hate, hate you, you suck, you dirty sack of s**t go die in a fire! Ian thought that Anthony (he thinks it's a different one other than Anthony Padilla) is stupid because he dated Taylor Swift and she's writing a breakup song about him. Anthony just went along with Ian. The anchor shows a preview of the new album. Anthony wants to change the channel, but Ian decides to view the album.
Taylor sings a song about Anthony and Taylor getting along at first. Anthony was starting to love the song, but then Taylor gets to the part of the song where she reveals her hatred for him while also mentioning his wet pants and crying when his goldfish died. Anthony thought it was dumb and changed the channel.
However, the next channel depicts Taylor singing about the time they met in a movie theater and that Anthony ran out of the movie because he wet his pants. He even asked for a napkin to wipe the "water" on the front of his pants, but everyone else knew that the liquid was pee, laughing at him. Taylor then adds that Anthony was watching Paranormal Activity. Ian doesn't understand Anthony pissing himself while watching the movie since he hasn't cried when watching the movie. Anthony changed the channel again.
The next channel depicts Taylor one again, this time singing about her knowing that Anthony was a pussy when dancing to her songs while being dressed in her high-heel shoes and thongs. She even mentions about the tattoo of her face on Anthony's butt. While watching, Ian notices the tattoo on Anthony's butt. Anthony doesn't want to talk about it and decides to change the channel again.
The channel is changed to a cooking show called Cooking Time with Fanny McGee, where Fanny starts to prepare the bread rolls. At first, Anthony is relieved that they are watching something unrelated to Taylor Swift, until Fanny introduces Taylor in the show. Taylor tells the viewers that the bread reminds her of Anthony and his "crappy wannabe six-pack." She then sings a song about it titled "Anthony and his Crappy Wannabe Six-Pack" as she pulls out her guitar from her vagina. She sang about the fact Anthony drew his abs using a Sharpie and thought they were perfect.
Anthony keeps on flipping the channels only to find out that Taylor Swift is playing her new album on every channel. This included a heavy metal song. When Anthony changes back to the cooking show, Taylor also talks about her catching Anthony stealing superhero costumes from the little kids. Anthony flips the channels again while finding Taylor puking at a hanged Anthony dummy, a Jamaican song of their breakup, and other parts of previous music videos. He even flipped to a channel which shows Taylor flushing Anthony's goldfish down the toilet. Anthony has watched other parts of other previous videos including the first one which Taylor mentioned that she gave him hepatitis C. Anthony stops at the Jamaican song.
Ian thought it was weird because the album sounds it is about Anthony without noticing it actually is. Anthony said that would never happen and that Taylor would want to be with Anthony forever. Taylor even says in one of her videos that she secretly taped the breakup video in case Anthony said, "It ain't so."
In the breakup video, Anthony begs on his knees while trying to get back with Taylor. Anthony notices the camera recording him.
Anthony confesses that he briefly dated Taylor one time. Ian says that he doesn't want to date Taylor. However in the music video, Taylor says that she cheated on Anthony with Ian. She likes his bowl haircut and meaty thighs. Taylor says that Ian is the only date for her. Anthony then notices Taylor and Ian making out in front of him.. Taylor apologizes to Anthony with a song and says that she would rather be with Ian because of his thighs and firm butt cheeks. Ian and Taylor then start talking about how much they love each other.
Two hours later, the anchor revealed that Taylor released an album after breaking up with Ian. The album's called Ian is the worst boyfriend ever and his butt cheeks aren't even that firm after all; they're kind of like a loose lump of lard. Ian cries while wiping a tissue on him while saying he misses her so much. Anthony wonders if Taylor actually gave her hepatitis C which Taylor actually said that she did.
Ian does some random dancing while Taylor sings that he's nasty.
Ultimate Breakup Melody Lyrics
(The lyrics start fifteen seconds after the song begins; also note that this is the song from iTunes and not according to Screw you Anthony-y-y! )
He was a Prince, And I was his Queen Love at first sight If you know what I mean Screw you Anthony-y-y! Pants always full of pee-ee-ee. You cried when your goldfish died Like a little pussy.Screw you Anthony-y-y! Gave you hepatitis C. I vomit every time I see your naked body.
I remember at the theater where we met, The first time. You ran out the movie hecka wet, The pants kind. Then you asked for a napkin to wipe it up
'Cause you dropped some "water" on the front of your pants. Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh! Everyone knew the "water" was pee! Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh! Pissed yourself watching Paranormal Activity.
He thought he had perfect abs. Drew them on with a sharpie. Looked like a douchebag. Uh uh, oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'd catch him stealing superhero costumes from all the little kids. And cutting out the a-a-a-abs Putting them under tight-ass t-shirts. It was so sad, so sad.
I remember that one time that I caught you humming along Wearing all my clothes and dancing to my songs Was nasty, nasty, nasty-y-y-y-y. I knew you were a pussy when I saw you Dancing to my songs Dressed up in high heels and my thong With my face tattooed on your butt. Oh, no! Why the hell is it on your butt?! I, know! Woah.
And just in case Anthony tries to say it ain't so, I secretly taped our breakup on video. One last thing. Before I come to an e-e-end. I cheated on Anthony With his amazing best friend, And the greatest bowl-cut hair, And thighs oh so meaty, He's better than Anthony, And the only one for me ever.
Sorry Anthony-y-y, But you do really smell like pee-ee-ee. And I'm with Ian now
'Cause his thighs are so meaty And his butt cheeks are totally firmer than yours.
(the last line is where Taylor talks instead of sings)
This video start's @ 0:08, All Videos @ 0:04, & We Found A Dead Guy and Stop Miley @ 0:03.
While the first news report is ongoing, the message on the banner below said "Kanye West has announced Kim is pregnant again and they plan on naming the baby "Conk" so when you say it together with "West" it sounds like "conquest" ". The second message reads: "The search for Boxman continues".
On the second news report, the two messages on the banner below said "Canadian officials have stated that they don't want Justin Bieber either, forcing the USA to turn to NASA in hopes of finding a way to launch Bieber to the sun." while the second message said "Archaeologists in Meso-America have unearthed The Holy Helix Fossil..." this is a reference to Twitch Plays Pokémon Red, where viewers would commonly bring up and use the Helix Fossil (an item that can be brought alive as the Pokemon Omynite), but nothing would happen, resulting in people jokingly praising the Helix Fossil and Omynite.
The line "he was a prince, and I was his Queen" implies Anthony is Taylor's son.
The line "love at first sight, if you know what I mean" is probably saying that they copulated right when they met, which is probably why Anthony got hepatitis C from Taylor.
It would make more sense if Anthony was the one who dumped Taylor, for the pop star to release an entire explicit album in vengeful retaliation.
In real life, Anthony and Ian would've been able to sue Taylor Swift for all the damage and trouble.
The "2 hours later" time card sign used in this video parodies the time cards used throughout SpongeBob SquarePants.
When Taylor prepares to sing at Fanny's show, she pulled her ukulele out from beneath her skirt.
Fanny McGee's a parody of Nanny McGee.
This is the second time Anthony's been dubbed over by a woman; first was Stop Miley in 2013.
However, in the video's BTS, they mention musical Photoshop and Anthony is shown belting out lyrics for a few seconds. Therefore it's a possibility that Anthony sang at least part of a song, or even all the songs.
In order, the songs that were parodied in the Ultimate Breakup Medley:
Mean (Though also resembling the chorus of Justin Timberlake's song "Suit & Tie")
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
I Knew You Were Trouble
A death metal song
The sign Taylor holds up when singing about how she gave Anthony Hepatitis C says "I got it from Harry Styles".
Shut Up! Opening
"Here's my new love song I wrote. (sings) I love you!