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|link = [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAm0ozJ2GPw POKÉMON SUN & MOON] |
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| − | '''Pokémon Sun & Moon''' is the 169th |
+ | '''Pokémon Sun & Moon''' is the 169th Honest Game Trailer. |
== Script == |
== Script == |
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In a world where the only certainty is that everything will change, rediscover a series that defies convention by bravely pumping out the same video game with a fresh coat of paint, until the eventual heat death of the universe, |
In a world where the only certainty is that everything will change, rediscover a series that defies convention by bravely pumping out the same video game with a fresh coat of paint, until the eventual heat death of the universe, |
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Revision as of 05:10, 14 April 2019
Pokémon Sun & Moon is the 169th Honest Game Trailer.
Script
In a world where the only certainty is that everything will change, rediscover a series that defies convention by bravely pumping out the same video game with a fresh coat of paint, until the eventual heat death of the universe,
Pokémon Sun & Moon
Travel to the beautiful crystalline shores of Alola, a chain of tropical not-Hawaiian islands filled with brand new Pokémon to enslave, as well as horrible mutant versions of the classics that will have you catching them all over again, as you battle your way across the archipelago leaving only destruction in your wake until you become the undisputed champion, earn the right to meet the gods of the islands then immediately capture them too because you're a sociopath.
Explore the shores of this new Pokémon paradise, and sample fresh new flavors of all your favorite Pokémon series tropes like... The chillest rival ever in the series, a psychic whose worthless at fighting and her legendary Poké-pal whose only power is not staying in the bag, an evil team that's harder to take seriously than ever, whose main thing is posing more than Ginyu Force, and a giant futuristic corporation with the creepy Aryan fashionista for a boss, that makes the least surprising heel-turn of all time, which you'll obviously have to clean up by forcing everyone you come across to fight your pets, and essentially the same story-line Pokémon has had since the beginning, not that anyone really cares 'cause playing Pokémon for the plot is like watching porn for the character work.
Discover the many fresh features of Sun & Moon that shake up the formula, from Pokémon-riding powers that will have you cruising in style, to a trial system that replaces gyms with many dungeons where you'll fight the same two Pokémon a hundred times, a skin-ship system where you poke your 'mons in the genitals until hearts come out, more customization options than ever before, a shoehorned-in Pokémon Snap mini-game to remind you that they're never going to make another Pokémon Snap, more crazy God Pokémon to spin one million Poké balls on than almost any other entry, and powerful Z-Moves that trivialize most fights even more than usual, that altogether do a pretty good job of making up for the first fact that Pokémon is still the same RPG for fetuses we've all been playing since the Cretaceous period, and you're still gonna buy ultra when it comes out anyway, because Game Freak gave us all brain parasites.
So poke open those balls one more time, for a heaping helping of brand-new Pokémon, and according to the horrible tradition we've established for ourselves we are once again gonna do them all. (breathes in)
Starring...
Sphero (Rowlet),
Emo Owl (Dartrix),
CW's The Arrow (Decidueye),
It's Litten fam,
Snarf Snarf (Torracat),
Macho Meow Randy Catage (Incineroar),
Clown Dog (Popplio),
Brionne of Tarth,
Hatsune Miku (Primarina),
Got wood? (Pikipek),
Follow your nose (Trumbeak),
Found it! (Toucannon),
Yung Goose Ft. Weasel (Yungoos),
T-Rump (Gumshoos),
Ter-might (Grubbin),
Ter-definitely (Charjabug),
Tazer face (Vikavolt),
ADRIAAAAANNN (Crabrawler),
Crabomination (Crabominable),
Flamoncos (Oricorio),
Bee minus (Cutiefly),
Honey Nut Cheerios (Ribombee),
Ruff and roll (Rockruff),
Werewolf in London 2 (Lycanroc),
Codepenant Karp (Wishiwashi),
Don't touch the weave (Mareanie),
I said don't touch the weave!!! (Toxapex),
Mud scow mule (Mudbray),
Artax (Mudsdale),
Mind blown (Dewpider),
Pixar's Starship Troopers (Araquanid),
Another cute blob (Fomantis),
Mrs. Scyther (Lurantis),
A fun guy (Morelull),
A murder you in your sleep guy (Shiinotic),
Ugly gex (Salandit),
Be careful who you call ugly in middle school (Salazzle),
Concentric Circles-Mon (Stufful),
Build a Bear (Bewear),
The snack that smiles back (Bounsweet),
Like omg (Steenee),
Nikki Minaj (Tsareena),
Hawaiian tourism board (Comfey),
Silent Bob (Oranguru),
Jay (Passimian),
High Ho Silverfish (Wimpod),
General Grevious (Golisopod),
Shoddy work (Sandygast),
Sad castle (Palossand),
Tenga (Pyukumuku),
Frankenstein's Mon (Type: Null),
80's Hair Metal (Silvally),
Pottery barn (Minior),
Koal-y Log-gins (Komala),
Armored Noot Noot (Turtonator),
Pika-chewed too much food (Togedemaru),
Just like the leading brand (Mimikyu),
Ru Paul's Clown Fish (Bruxish),
Stay Puffed the Magic Dragon (Drampa),
Creativity weighing you down? (Dhelmise),
Cymbals (Jangmo-o),
High hat (Hakamo-o),
Drum solo (Kommo-o),
Big bird in the streets (Tapu Koko),
Polly Pocket (Tapu Lele),
Am I pulling off this hat? (Tapu Bulu),
Mermaid in a half shell (Tapu Fini),
The void (Cosmog),
The void stares back (Cosmoem),
Solgaleo Solgaleo Solgaleo Figaro,
Ask your doctor about Lunala,
I don't think you're ready for this jelly (Nihilego),
Do you even lift bro? (Buzzwole),
Eating Dismosa (Pheromosa),
Jazz hands (Xurkitree),
Danger Pear (Celesteela),
Poorigami (Kartana),
A bad case of crab (Guzzlord),
and a whole bunch of re-skins of the old ones which I guess we're gonna name all over again 'cause this is the life we chose.
Out of ideas (Rattata),
Faticate (Raticate),
Raich the wave (Raichu),
Shivershrew (Sandshrew),
Sonic (Sandslash),
Beverly Chills chihuahua (Vulpix),
Best in snow (Ninetales),
Hair plugs (Diglett),
Mmmmmmm Bop (Dugtrio),
Nermal (Meowth),
Garfield hates Mondays (Persian),
Mike Tystone (Geodude),
Conor McGravel (Graveler),
Crumpled into a ball Burt Reynolds (Golem),
Literally just a palette swap (Grimer),
The sewers after a pride parade (Muk),
Is that a palm tree or are you Exeggutor to see me?,
and exotic dances for money (Marowak).
Pokémon Son!
You know, I'm sure malasadas are great and all but how could they not make this game signature 'Dish the Poké Ball'? It was right there!