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Pokemon Black & White (Honest Game Trailer)

Pokémon Black and White is the 86th installment of Honest Game Trailers. It was released February 16, 2016.

Transcript

From the developer that had exactly one idea about twenty years ago (Game Freak Productions) comes the fifth iteration of the exact same game you bought over and over, and over and over again.  Oh come on, Pokémon Black and White.

Descend yet again to the realms of the Pokémon world and get ready to strain your thumb one more time as you furiously mash your way pass the unbearable tutorials until you reach the main game and you realize that even with the new coat of paint, it's still the exact same formula as all the ones before it.  I mean honestly if you are surprised by that at this point, I don't know what to tell you.

Experience the series that makes up for being creatively stagnant by cramming every sequel full to the brim with more of everything featuring more friends (Cheren & Bianca), more rivals, bigger buildings, more animation, more dudes in a single fight, even more pointless minigames, and fitly lower-screen bulls**t; and yet five games later -- You still have to carry Pokémon to swim and cut grass for you?  What's next, Pokémon that holds my hand when I take a s**t?

Get ready for the Pokémon game that finally addresses the glaring ethnical issues of the heart of the Pokémon universe as you take on Team Plasma, an unlikely mashup of Team Rocket and PETA whose disasterly plan is just to stop everyone from pressing Pokemon into slavery against their will -- but somehow are still the bad guys of the story?  Yeah, that's right!  You like fighting, don't you?  Yeah you do!  Now get back into your little ball!

So throw in your Pikachu-onesie, charge your 3DS battery, and prepare to be filled to the brim with all the Pokémon you can handle including all 156 new Pokemon to fight with and catch, and at this point we pretty much have to name 'em all. (heavy breathing) Starring:

V for Victini

Smug AF (Snivy)

Snake with Feet (Servine)

Snakes in a Game (Serperior)

Te Piglet (Tepig)

Bam Bam Pigalow (Pignite)

Man Bear Pig (Emboar)

Patton Oshawaott

Dewott, m8?

The Last Samurott

Ratpat with Game Theory (Patrat)

I've seen some S#!t (Watchog)

Beverly Hill's Chihuahua (Lillipup)

Just a F**king Dog (Herdier)

Wilford Brimley (Stoutland)

Dark Meowth (Purrloin)

Liepard with a Vengance

Broccoli Monkey (Pansage)

Asparagus Monkey (Simisage)

Poop Emoji Monkey (Pansear)

Fat Emoji Monkey (Simisear)

Nuclear Monkey (Panpour)

Pot Monkey (Simipour)

It's Not a Tumor (Munna)

OK, It's a Tumor (Musharna)

Trash Bird (Pidove)

Sea Trash Bird (Tranquill)

Unpleasant (Unfezant)

NFL Blitzle

Nazeebra (Zebstrika)

Gloryhola (Roggenrola)

Rock Lobster (Boldore)

The Aggro Crag (Gigalith)

Dryer Lint (Woobat)

Swoop There It Is (Swoobat)

Drilbur That Will Pierce The Heavens

Edward Shivhands (Excadrill)

Adellino (Audino)

Timburrland

Outside Home Depot-mon (Gurdurr)

Earthquake (Conkeldurr)

Beats By Dre (Tympole)

Emperor Palpitoad

Susan Boils (Seismitoad)

Deepthroh

Dicksawk

Lettuce Cup (Sewaddle)

Lettuce Wrap (Swadloon)

Lettuce See DAT BOOTY (Leavanny)

Bombchu (Venipede)

Laundry Ball (Whirlipede)

Scoliosis (Scolipede)

Cottonelle (Cottonee)

Charmin (Whimsicott)

A Sentient Pistachio (Petilil)

Southern Bellsprout (Lilligant)

Basculin Robbins

Save 10% by switching to Sandile

Krokorokin Beats

Smooth Krookodile

Whoopie Cushion (Darumaka)

Danny DeVito (Darmanitan)

Cactuar (Maractus)

Double Dwebble

The Crustle Crab

Monster Kid (Scraggy)

Uncircumthighs (Scrafty)

Bad Arizona Souvenier (Sigilyph)

No Face (Yamask)

3spooky5me (Cofagrigus)

Avaturtle (Tirtouga)

Sea Bane (Carracosta)

Toucan Sam (Archen)

Skelkies (Archeops)

Dumpster Baby (Trubbish)

Garbage Design (Garbodor)

The Mask Of Zorua

Shadow the Hedgehog (Zoroark)

Fivel Goes West (Minccino)

Fivel Goes West Hollywood (Cinccino)

Alfalfa (Gothita)

Gonorrhea (Gothorita)

Lady Ga-Ga (Gothitelle)

Stem Cell (Solosis)

Zygote (Duosion)

Psychic Fetus (Reuniclus)

Ducklett Tales

Swanna Man

Like it (Vanillite)

Love it (Vanillish)

Gotta Have it (Vanilluxe)

Bambi (Deerling)

Bambi's Dead Mom (Sawsbuck)

Count Pikula (Emolga)

Squeeze-it (Karrablast)

A Mite's Tale (Escavalier)

Butt Plug (Foongus)

A Funguy To Be With (Amoonguss)

Scrubbing Bubbles (Frillish)

The Monopoly Guy (Jellicent)

Actual Palindrome (Alomomola)

The Tick (Joltik)

Nightmare Fuel (Galvantula)

World's Worst Kidney Stone (Ferroseed)

Me So Thorny (Ferrothorn)

Gears Of Snore (Klink/Klang/Klinklang)

Remember The Tynamo

Fleshlight (Eelektrik)

Fleshlight Dentata (Eelektross)

GIR (Elgyem)

Invader Beheeyem

LITerally The Worst Pokemon (Litwick)

I Love Lamp (Lampent)

Are you just drawing faces on things that are in the room? (Chandelure)

Axew Rose

Dental Plan (Fraxure)

Mad Haxorus

Boogerman (Cubchoo)

Simon the Ice Bear (Beartic)

Snowfleek (Cryogonal)

Armored Core (Shelmet)

Seafood with Attitude (Accelgor)

Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (Stunfisk)

Sock 'Em Boppers (Mienfoo)

Chinese Mewtwo (Mienshao)

Pacific Rim (Druddigon)

Rockman (Golett)

Rockman X (Golurk)

Pawinard Stars

Bisharpual

Shaftalo (Bouffalant)

Some More F**king Birds (Rufflet/Braviary/Vullaby/Mandibuzz)

Michael Mann's Heatmor

Duran Durant

Ringo (Deino)

Double Ringo (Zweilous)

Yoko Ono (Hydreigon)

Dust Bunny (Larvesta)

Fat Mothra (Volcarona)

Coballin'

Zuul (Terrakin)

Virizion Wireless

Piccolo (Tornadus)

Anal Beads (Thundurus)

Swan Lake (Reshiram)

Black Swan (Zekrom)

Akinator (Landorus)

Tyrannosaurus Flex (Kyurem)

Brony Bait (Keldeo)

Melanoma (Meloetta)

and...

Metal Gear (Genesect)

Pokémon: Doesn't Matter if You're Black or White.

Oh man!  Have you seen the Detective Pikachu trailer?!  It's everything I never knew I even wanted.

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