NEW POKEMON CROSSOVERS!/Script

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ScriptThis is the script for NEW POKEMON CROSSOVERS!. Introduction (The Pokémon of America President enters his house, turns the light on, and finds Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla sitting on his couch, especially with Anthony wearing Pokémon pajamas.) President (PP): YAH! Who the f**k are you?! (looks at Anthony) And why are you wearing my pajamas? Ian Hecox (IH): Hello, sir. You may be asking yourself, ah, who we are. PP: Yeah I just di- IH: Being that you are the president of Pokémon America, we would love the chance to... regale you with some of our ideas for the Pokémon franchise. PP: That's it, I'm calling the cops. (The President starts to get up, but Anthony pushes him down.) Anthony Padilla (AP): You can't! You see, I, ah, (Anthony pulls a bottle of white liquid out of his pocket) went in your bathroom and found a little super-glue and put it on your seat. PP: That's not super glue. (Anthony looks at the label that says: SPERM SAMPLE. Disgusted, he tosses it which breaks it.) IH: Ah, anyway, uh, we just feel that Pokémon has become a bit stale and old, and thought that, maybe if you did some crossovers with some other popular things, we could make Pokémon fresh and relevant again. PP: I don't need your ideas. AP: Too bad! (The title card, Pokémon Crossovers is then shown.) Deleted Scene AP: Turn it old man, we're here to save your stupid ass and the company you run. PP: I'm not that old. AP: You're like thirty; you're practically dead. Call of Pokémon Modern Warfare AP: First of all, Pokémon battles are too boring. They need to be more realistic. (The title card is then shown) Narrator: Let's do this. (In a deserted area, it appears that Ash Ketchum and the Metrosexual Hipster are behind a cover. The Hipster starts to get up.) Metrosexual Hipster (MH): Wish me luck! (Ash pulls him back) Ash Ketchum (AK): Wait! There's some a**hole camping Pokémon out there sniping everyone! MH: Relax, dude, I got a riot shield. (stands up) Hey, try to shoot me now! Oh, what's that? You can't shoot me 'cause I got a riot-? (gets shot) AUGH! OH! OH MY GOD, I'M DYING! WHY AM I DYING, I GOT SHOT IN THE FOOT! THIS GAME IS SO UNREALISTIC. (dies) AK: Who's ever shooting out there is the deadliest damn Pokémon on the planet. (gets shot and dies) Magikarp (MG): Karp! Karp! Karp! (A screen transition back to the house.) AP: And the best part is we already have six sequels planned. PP: Who the hell's gonna buy six sequels of a stupid shooting game? (Ian and Anthony raise their hands) PP: Well it's a no; it's too violent. IH: Okay. So not a fan of violence; that's cool. Um, how about romance? Days of Our Pokémon Narrator: We now return to Days of Our Pokémon. (In another house.) AK: So wait, you're telling me I'm not the father? Misty (MS): Sorry, but no. It is another. AK: Dammit Misty, I've saved you from Team Rocket a dozen times. The least you could do is tell me who the father is. MS: I'm sorry, I can't! AK: Dammit Misty! (walks away while crying) MS: We're safe now; he's gone. MK: (appears from the bed) Karp, Karp! (Back to the President's house.) PP: Nah! AP: Don't worry we have an even more romantic idea. Game of Pokémon (In a kingdom of Westeros) Daenerys (DS): Sleep with me and give me dragon babies. Charizard (CH): (refuses) Uh uh! DS: (puts her sword on Charizard's neck) Do it or I'll cut your f**cking head off! (Charizard puts his hand in Daenerys' vagina while he's crying) DS: Yes! Dragon babies! (Back to the President's house.) IH: Augh. Guys, nobody watches Game of Thrones just for the sex and dragons. AP and PP: Yeah they do. IH: Okay so let's just think of something that's more family friendly. Pokécraft (In a Minecraft world.) AK: (uses a pickaxe to destroy a brick wall but then stops) This is fu**ing boring. (Back to the President's house.) PP: Pokémon's first and foremost for kids. What else do kids like these days? IH: Alright fine. (eats a banana) How about this one? My Little Pokémon Narrator: (sings) My little Poké! My little Poké! (In Ponyville, it appears that currently, Charizard is throwing a pokéball at Jigglypuff. Suddenly, Pikachu pops up.) Pikachu: Hi friends! CH: Hi Pikachu! Isn't today great? Pikachu: Yeah; but if this is supposed to be a kids show, then why do all of our fans look like that? (The camera suddenly jumps to the fan, revealed to be a brony watching them while eating ice cream pervertedly.) (Back to the President's house.) AP: No! No brony crap; okay? (The president quickly hides his Pinkie Pie shirt) AP: I think the next logical step is to take Pokémon into the reality realm. Here Comes Poké Boo Boo (In Mclntyre, Georgia.) Alana: Mama, where's my Go-Go Juice? I has to have it. (subtitles: Dearest Mother, might inquire of the location of my Go-Go Juice? I fancy such a potable delight) June (Snorlax): Okay honey. I get that for you. (Such a fondness shall be enjoyed. I will be forthright in its retrieval) (tries to use the move "Get Up", but is ineffective because she is too f**king fat.) (Back to the President's house.) PP: Noooo! That-That's not gonna work! Snorlax's not nearly fat enough to play Honey Boo Boo's mom. AP: Fine, then how about this? Poké Shore AK: Who wants to get wasted on Hyper Potions and snort Rare Candy up Misty's buttcrack? (Everybody cheered and partied. Later on, Ash gets arrested.) Narrator: Rare Candy, not even once! Ending PP: I have to say, these are some of the best Pokémon ideas I've ever heard. I think I'm gonna hire you two. AP: Really?! PP: F**k no! (stands up) These are without a doubt the absolute worst ideas I've ever heard! I'm quite certain now I'm brain damaged listening to these half-baked ideas from a pair of you two vapid t**ts! Now get the f**k out of my house! (He proceeds to pick up the flute on the table) I've got a Poké Flute and I know how to use it! IH: (stands up) Okay please sir, we just wanted to help you. (gets hit) Ah oh! Funny-bone funny-bone! Anthony, do something! AP: Uhuhuh. Magikarp, do something! MK: Karp karp! (shoots the president) IH: Oh my god dude, I just think we killed him. AP: Uh uh no, he just fainted. (A Pokemon game styled box shows up, in which is written "POKEMON PRESIDENT has FAINTED".) IH: He has a three-inch hole in his head. AP: Okay, we should probably get the f**k out of here! IH: Yeah! (steals the President's stuff with Anthony and starts to leave, but whispers) Sorry! (he then leaves) MK: Karp! (The music of Psycho is heard, with the screen ending with Magikarp with a psychotic grin)