KILLER TEDDY BEAR! is a Smosh video released July 23, 2010.
Anthony reads that teddy bears kill more people than real bears and pretty soon, his teddy bear looks like it's going to kill him.
Anthony was reading OMG Facts about teddy bears killing more unicorns every decade than real bears. Of course, Anthony laughs this off and does not believe it. Later, Anthony was using a pair of scissors to open up a package, when he notices that a teddy bear was sitting on a chair staring at his balls. Anthony sets the scissors aside and opens the package to find a DVD called Self Defence for Dummies. He struggles to open the cover, so he tries to get the scissors, only to find that it disappeared. He then looks at the teddy bear that is still staring at him.
A knock can be heard and Anthony answers the door to find Ian. Ian was telling him that he finally got the clone machine to work when Anthony screams. The teddy bear has now moved from the chair and now by the plant, holding the scissors that disappeared earlier. Anthony says that the teddy bear is trying to kill him, but Ian thinks that Anthony's just been reading OMG Facts again, in which Anthony argues as true. Ian decides to mock Anthony by pretending to be stabbed by the scissors. His phone rings and Ian says it's from a hot girl named Ashley, though Anthony says that it's his mom. Ian throws the bear to Anthony and runs off. Anthony eyes the bear suspiciously.
Ian tells the person on the phone that he didn't pack extra underwear and that he's only going to be there for a couple of hours. The door suddenly opens and closes and Ian turns around after hanging up. He finds the teddy bear with the scissors and picks it up. However, Ian dismisses this as a joke by Anthony. But just in case, he eyes the bear suspiciously. Meanwhile, Anthony was watching Self Defence for Dummies where the instuctor (played by KassemG) tells him, "To confuse your assailant, try a random word or phrase, like 'I have diarrhea.'" The instructor tells Anthony to say "I have diarrhea." However, as he is training, a girl scream is suddenly heard. Anthony enters the room and at first think Ian is playing a prank on him. However, Ian's head suddenly falls off and the teddy bear stares at Anthony. Anthony screams, "I have diarrhea!" and runs away.
Anthony was about to run out the door, when a Kung Fu Sensei (Ian) comes in the house. Anthony was about to say "I have diarrhea" but gets slapped by the sensei instead to calm him down. The sensei was about to give Anthony a way to defeat the teddy bear, but gets a banana thrown at him by the teddy bear. Anthony pleads the sensei to tell him how to beat the teddy bear, but the sensei says that his last dying words can only be "140 characters long." He counts and finds out that his dying words is indeed 140 characters long and dies. A police man (Ian) comes in and points his gun at the teddy bear. However, his hand starts shaking and says that the teddy bear is controlling him with his mind. He then shoots his penis against his own will and falls. Anthony picks up the gun and starts shooting at the teddy bear before he starts crying.
Anthony then hears the laughter of Ian. Ian comes in and tells Anthony that he got him. The sensei and the police officer get up and start laughing too. Ian says that it was all a joke using his clones. Anthony questions about the teddy bear, only to reveal that it was a Midget Ian clone. The laughter stops when the Officer Ian clone tells everyone that he really shot his penis off.
Self Defense DVD
Charley Papa Georgee O. introduces the the video by showing off with his moves. He is teaching about fighting evil doers and to rebel bad guys.
Charley demonstrates by pretending to garden and assailant (Ian) reaches from behind. He says to the audience to say that it isn't comfortable him for legal reasons. Charley did as instructed and the salient still does it because he is a bad guy. Charley said that if the two don't agree, then physical force can be used. Charley turns around and acts like he hurt the assailant using his upper arm, but hits the wall. The assailant asks if Charley is okay which he is and walks away. The assailant acts like he got hit and the screen shows them posing.
Charley says that sometimes an assailant can come in different shapes and colors and may not look like one. The pretend salient disguises as a stranger asking Charley if he wants to go to Crystal's party. Charley loves social engagements which the salient thought was good and told Charley to get into his car. Charley warns the audience that you should never go into a stranger's car unless you know them personally. Charley demonstrates by telling the assailant to stay away which the salient says that he is a friend until the hat was taken off revealing his identity. The assailant didn't and walked away Charley showed off some moves.
Charley says that an assailant may shower you with gifts and prizes. The pretend salient gives Charley a stuffed cat which he thanked for and the assailant wanted to preform sexual acts on Charley and the cat. Charley warn the audience saying that his true motivates have shown through. Charley tries to carry the assailant by his legs, but hurt his back and the pretend salient acted like he got killed. After that, Charley is seen doing fighting moves.
Charley says to the audience that they won't be often in the dojo so you have to use what is provided. Charley throws a pillow acting like he is killing the assailant. Charley also says that a rock is a sure fire way to kill somebody's face. The assailant still acts like he is hurt and Charley shows even more poses.
Charley says that sometimes when your martial arts does not help you, it is okay to use weapons. The pretend salient acting like he got hurt from the last step and comes back up as Charley says to make sure to only use a gun if you have a license and/or you seen someone else using it before. Charley used a real gun (really fake) and acted like he killed the assailant making it sound real. Realizing the "assailant" was dead, he drops the gun and walks away quickly.