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"No! No! Don't go in that door! There's a monster in there! SHUT UP!"
—Shut Up! Opening
If Movies Were Real
If Movies Were Real

Released:

September 4, 2009 (Smosh)
December 5, 2012 (El Smosh)

Views (approximate):

31,500,000+

Season:

2009

Episode:

21

Characters Featured:

Ian Hecox, Anthony Padilla, Various movie characters

Previous Video:

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Next Video:

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If Movies Were Real is a Smosh video uploaded on September 4, 2009 and is the first installment of the If...Were Real series. Ever wondered what movies would be like if they were actually realistic?

Plot

Ian and Anthony are watching the Transformers 2007 movie. Ian suddenly complains that "no girl that hot would know that much about cars." Anthony tells him to get over it because it's just a movie, but Ian says that "the only way a girl would know that much about cars is if she was ugly, had bad BO, or was a lesbian." Anthony tells him to imagine how stupid movies would be if they were actually realistic.

Movies Spoofed

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

Pineapples are raining on a bleeding Anthony and Ian. Both are trying to avoid the onslaught when Anthony yells "WHY'D IT HAVE TO RAIN PINEAPPLES?!".

Twilight

Bella (Ian) claims that she knows what Edward (Anthony) is. Because his skin is pale white, and he doesn't go out in the sun, Bella assumes Edward is a vampire. However, Edward says that he just plays a lot of World of Warcraft.

Forrest Gump

Forrest (Ian) is trying to tell a random kid (Anthony) about how you could "tell a lot about a person just by looking at their shoes." The kid runs away, though Forrest doesn't seem to notice. The kid comes back and steals the box of chocolates on Forrest's lap. Forrest shouts "Hey, those are my chocolates!".

Hotel For Dogs

Mark (Anthony) holds up two plastic bags filled with dog poop, exclaiming, "There's dogsh*t everywhere!".

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Voldemort is driving away in a pickup truck while taunting Harry (Ian). Harry tries to fly after him on a broomstick, but falls and lands on his "English teabags."

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

Harry and Marv (Anthony and Ian, respectively) are talking to Kevin (Ian), who is standing on top of a playground apparatus (which was a tall building in the film). Harry tells Kevin that if he throws his camera (containing footage of their criminal acts) down to them, they won't harm him. Kevin agrees and chucks a brick at them instead. The brick hits Marv in the face, killing him.

G-Force

Big Boy (Ian) is communicating with Speckles (Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig) with walkie-talkies. Speckles does not say anything during the conversation. Big Boy screams "ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!"

Watchmen

A picture of Dr. Manhattan (Anthony) is shown with his crotch area censored.

Up

Carl Fredricksen (Anthony) is sticking his head out of the window of his house when he exclaims, "So long, boys!". He releases several balloons out of his window, which unsurprisingly fails to lift the house.

Deleted Scenes

Aladdin

Aladdin (Anthony) tells his magic carpet to fly, but a frustrated Harry Potter (Ian) walks by and tells Aladdin not to bother. Harry continues to throw his broomstick at the ground in anger.

The Sixth Sense

Dr. Malcolm Crowe (Ian) asks Cole (Anthony) what's wrong with him. Cole replies with the famous line, "I see dead people." Seconds later, Cole is in a straitjacket, trying to break free and prove that he's not insane.

Ending

Ian admits that movies would suck if they were real. Anthony said so. Ian gets up from the couch and decides to leave for work, though Anthony tells him that "selling Miley Cyrus's used tissues on eBay is not work." Ian angrily says it is, then slams the front door. Ian is driving, when suddenly his car breaks down. He is looking at the engine, when suddenly a girl with a striking resemblance to Megan Fox takes a look at his car and diagnoses the problem. Ian is excited about what is happening, and begins to ask the girl out, but then he sees that the girl has a penis (particularly a boner), making Ian shocked, that she is most likely a transvestite.

Alternate Ending

When Ian sees the girl's penis, he screams in shock. She asks "what?" in a deep voice.

Script

If Movies Were Real/Script

Gallery

If Movies Were Real/Gallery

Trivia/Goofs

  • Home Alone would be referenced again with an older Kevin (played by Anthony) in STUPID MOVIE SEQUELS.
  • In the Home Alone 2 segment, the scene occurs at day. But in the actual movie, however, it occurs at night.
  • In the other If......Were Real videos, Ian would be on the left side of the couch near the lamp/mirror and Anthony would be on the right side near the opening to the bedrooms and the kitchen.
  • This video was nominated for a Webby Award for "Viral" in 2009 but lost.
  • This is the first appearance of Charlie.
  • The actual line the girl was meant to say was "A USDM EJ205 with a TD-04 turbo", but she was never able to get it. They instead ran with "A USDM TJ-05 with a TDF turbo".
    • The EJ205 is supposed to be a Subaru engine, but Anthony's Scion tC was used and not Ian's Subaru.
  • In the Up segment, Carl perched 5 balloons. In reality, you would need 105,854 balloons to lift a house.
  • When the girl's boner was shown, it was in fact Ian playing as a double.
  • Many people assume the ending confirms she is a transvestite. There is no official proof of it.

Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QinQAhMxHtg

See also

V - E - H - D Smosh Episodes
Season 2005 Pokemon Theme Music Video (deleted) Power Rangers Theme Mortal Kombat Theme The Epic Battle: Jesus vs Cyborg Satan
Season 2006 PREVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Battleship Transformers Theme Smosh Short 1: Dolls The California Stereotype Experiment Boxman Smosh Short 2: Stranded The Best Car EVER Food Battle 2006 That Damn Neighbor Frankie Rogers is James Bond How Not to Make a First Impression How Not to Act on a First Date Feet For Hands Boxman's Christmas New Year's Eve PSA
Season 2007 Three Wishes Axe Murderer Easy Step Sparky Goes to a Club Spiderman, Spiderman License Test April First Anthony Gets a Haircut Handshake Hardcore Max Food Battle 2007 Transformers Rap Three Guys in a Hotel Quest for the Scooter The Assassins Replacement Needed Reunited? Male Model The Haunting Toy Airplane Ian's Birthday Santa is Real!
Season 2008 Cat Soup Boxman's Girlfriend Left Handed There Will Be Pokemon Smosh Sued for $20 Million (April Fools) Beef 'n Go Batman's Cool Internet Video Teleporting Fat Guy Food Battle 2008 Going to the Mountains Life as Ghosts Boxman for President Sex Ed Rocks Smosh Snatchers A Merry Gangsta Christmas
Season 2009 Breaking the Habit Hardcore Max 2 Ian's First Girlfriend That Damn Prison Break Unitarded LeVar Burton Buys Smosh (April Fools) Anthony's Death Anthony's Resurrection Anthony is Mexican Grammar Police I Heart Burgers A Hairy Situation w/ Billy Mays A Very Hairy Situation w/ Billy Mays Washington's First Video Blog Food Battle 2009 The Ultimate Shoedown Bigfoot is Gay If Movies Were Real Four Years Foreplay Twilight: New Moon Deleted Scenes Mighty Smoshin POWER RANGERS Kid Craps Himself in Drift Car! Pizza Zombies! X-Mas: PORN on Santa's Computer X-Mas: Osama's First Christmas X-Mas: Santa Gets Down Best of Smosh 2009
Season 2010 Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig Ian Gets Lucky Anthony Gets Engaged HELP! WE'RE FAT! EDITOR! CRAZY FATASS! (True Story 1) Ian Is Pregnant If Video Games Were Real Anthony Poses for Playgirl!?! Smeagol Loves the Precious Boxman 2.0 I Love Lou Ferrigno! Leave It To Bieber Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig 2 5 Ways to Get a Girl Lizard Rabies Super Powers! My Mom's AMAZING Video! How Lady Gaga Got Famous The Famous Cheese Guy WTF! I'm Old! Inappropriate Sonic Arm Wrestling TO THE DEATH KILLER TEDDY BEAR! If Cartoons Were Real Food Battle 2010 FIRETRUCK! 2 GUYS 1 BATHROOM SELLING OUT!? ★ MY FANNY PACK! ★ PLAYING WITH GUNS! THE FUTURE SUCKS! That Damn Punishment If Scary Movies Were Real HALO RUINED MY LIFE! (True Story 2) EPIC TEENY BATTLE! HARRY POTTER DELETED SCENES! Pokemon Theme Song REVENGE VADER AND ME! Cute Furry Kittens TRON: Legacy *LEAKED FOOTAGE* MY NEW HOT GIRLFRIEND Best of 2010 Remix
Season 2011 HOW TO HIDE A B0NER IN PUBLIC! PARANORMAL EASY BAKE OVEN! *NEW* Smosh Reality TV Show! I'M NAKED! HOT ROBOT SLAVE JUSTIN BIEBER HITS PUBERTY (Never Say Never 2) If Kids Shows Were Real AMAZING NEW DRINK! Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig 3 Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig 3.5 WORST TWIST ENDINGS EVER! I KILLED THE TOOTH FAIRY! MEETING MY IDENTICAL TWIN! 3D is AWESOME! I'M A PIRATE (True Story 3) POKEMON IN REAL LIFE! OUR VIDEO IDEAS STOLEN! Runbrella (No. 1 MOTHER'S DAY GIFT!) If Superheroes Were Real DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! REJECTED VIDEOS! HOW TO DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND! MY MAGICAL TAPEWORM! POKEMON IN REAL LIFE 2! MY BATHROOM SECRET IF THE INTERNET WAS REAL I'M NOT RACIST!!! The Harry Potter Pill MY GRANDPA'S DIRTY SECRET If Movies Were Real 2 First Person Shooters Suck! Best Toy Ever! Makeup For Men Star Fox TV Show! HOW TO COVER UP A MURDER Food Battle 2011 The Internet For Dummies THE DITTO - Movie Trailer XTREME SLEEPOVER! POKEMON IN REAL LIFE 3! THE NEW GHOSTBUSTERS TEENS IN THE WILD! REAL VOODOO DOLL! The Legend of Zelda Rap The Pokemon Master! Motion Gaming Sucks! I'M POSSESSED! Meat in Your Mouth If Holidays Were Real Best of 2011 Remix!
Season 2012 SIRI TRIED TO KILL ME! HOW TO BE A COP! REAL DEATH NOTE! MIME FAIL! PARENTS SUCK! I WAS BRAINWASHED! REJECTED TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODES! HITCHHIKING DISASTER! Attention: Facebook Users POKEMON IN REAL LIFE 4! I LOST MY HAIR! HOMELESS MILLIONAIRE! N1PPLES ON YOUTUBE! Smosh On The News! GUYS' GUIDE TO HUGGING GUYS If Video Games Were Real 2 STUCK IN A TOILET! MANSPIDER! Magic Keyboard! 7YR OLD DOES TWILIGHT! I SUCK AT DRAWING SOMETHING! HOW TO CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND! SMOSH FOUND DEAD REJECTED MARIO GAMES 15 HOUR ENERGY! My Mail Order Bride! PEN15 CLUB MY NEW EMO HAIR! 5,000,000 SUBSCRIBERS! OISHI WILL KICK YOUR ASS! LIFE HACKING! AWESOME NEW ROBOT! Stupid Movie Sequels WORST ID PHOTO EVER! Taken 3 - TRAILER IPhone 5 REVEALED FOOD BATTLE 2012 ANNOUNCEMENT! THAT'S HOT! DRINK YOUR P!SS BIGGEST ZIT EVER! PHOTOSHOP PLASTIC SURGERY BADASS NEW POWER RANGERS GAMER GETS TROLL'D! Food Battle 2012 Teleporting Fat Guy is BACK! Ultimate Assassin's Creed 3 Song Addicted to Honey Boo Boo Child Wii U Sports is Awesome! My Pet Pikachu DUBSTEP COMMERCIALS SUCK! GIRLFRIENDS IN THE WILD If TV Shows Were Real A SMOSHY CHRISTMAS! (Part 1) A SMOSHY CHRISTMAS! (Part 2) Best of 2012 REMIX
Season 2013 Disney Star Wars My Bobblehead is Evil! Holy Crap! 2 Billion Views! We're in Super Mario! That Damn Movie! Driver's Ed Crap Rap! Most Violent Game Ever!? My Stupid Dying Grandpa! Sexting Gone Wrong! Life Better-ers! Banned Airplane Safety Video Zelda in Real Life! Worst Online Date Ever Gas Buster! If Movies Were Real 3 Google Glass Sucks! Sleeping Pill Disaster Worst Proposals Ever Amazing New Workout Good Vs Surprisingly Good Dixon Cider We're Stuck Together!!! What Guys Are Really Thinking Stop Copying Me! My Friend's Hot Sister Japanese Titanic We Need Friends Magic Wipes I Broke My Foot! The Rarest Pokemon Card! We Rule High School I Have Kirby Powers! Retarded Cats: The Movie I Have a Secret Son How to Survive a Burglary So Many Hickeys! OUR GENERATION IS DOOMED: The Movie Scribblenauts in Real Life My Twerking Addiction New Pokemon Crossovers! Stop Miley Assassin's Creed 4 Rock Anthem 22 Crazy Vines (That Don't Exist) Food Battle 2013 Loki Interview Prank We Found a Dead Guy! Longest Staring Contest Ever My Mutant Rash! Smosh Vs Zombies The End of Christmas (Part 1) The End of Christmas (Part 2) Best of 2013 Remix
Season 2014 Horny Cellmate Molester Moon Guy's Guide to Being Manly Movies Vs Reality Pimps of Prom Jurassic Pokemon Hide and Seek Taylor Swift Dumped Me Flappy Bird Ruined My Life Creepy Weird Nudist Pokemon in Real Life 5! A Real Ouija Board? Emma Watson Surprise Prank If Video Games Were Real 3 How to Be a YouTube Commenter The Adventure Time Adventure Movie Reboots Suck Real Mario Lava Floor! The Real Party Song 19 More Crazy Vines (That Don't Exist) Real Watch Dogs Hacks! We're Stuck in Slow Motion Addicted to Selfies If Apps Were Real Name Rap or Die I Can Hear Your Thoughts Anime Voice Swap My Bathroom Disaster My Morning Routine The Rock Interview Prank Real Minecraft Vacation Disney's Star Wars Blind Date If Bieber Wrote His Songs If TV Shows Were Real 2 Autocorrect Fail iPhone 6 Revealed Movies on Drugs Conjoined Challenge F**k Spoilers! Your Dumb. I'm Dumber This Video is Offensive Backwards Challenge Guns Suck The New Slenderman 6 Ways to Get a Girl 9 Most Horrible Bosses Ultimate Fan Suprise Prank Food Battle 2014 Top 10 Video Game Dances Magic iPod Just Like Link Christmas Apocalypse (Part 1) Christmas Apocalypse (Part 2)
Season 2015 Best of 2014 Remix If Guys Had Girl Problems Smash Rap Time Traveling Pickup Master Murder Party The Internet in Real Life If Romantic Movies Were Real The Truth Behind Emojis Video Game Items in Real Life My Hot Online Girlfriend Apple Watch Sucks Worst Parents Ever Sex Turban Ultimate High School Prank 20 Million Subscribers! We're in Super Mario Bros 2! LEAKED Legend of Zelda NETFLIX TRAILER Avengers: Age of Ultron LEAKED FOOTAGE Anthony is Dating a Fan EVERY BLANK EVER (Trailer) The Mother's Day Rule Every Instagram Ever MAGIC iPAD If Board Games Were Real Every Party Ever CHRIS PRATT INTERVIEW PRANK THE NEW ANT MAN Every Game Of Thrones Ever SMOSH: THE MOVIE (OFFICIAL TRAILER) Every Dad Ever BATMAN'S A BITCH GODS IN REAL LIFE Every Wrestler Ever SEXUAL SUN Camp In A Van EVERY SNAPCHAT EVER Hand Bomb Old People Movie Prank Every Cat Ever The Wiener Song (Autotune) WHO IS THAT GUY?! Every Break Up Ever 6 People 1 Donut TOM CRUISE IS MY ROOMMATE Every Teacher Ever We're in Super Mario Bros 3 Finger Guns Every Vine Ever If The Internet Were Real 2 Epic Trailer Gone Wrong Every Birthday Ever Movie Translation Fails Food Battle X Announcement If Kanye Were President Every Walking Dead Ever HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND Food Battle X Cartoons THE BAD PARTS OF HEAVEN Every Halloween Ever Yelp For People! If Video Games Were Real 4 Every Thanksgiving Ever Montage Machine 1985 vs 2015 Food Battle X Trailer Every Smosh Video Ever Food Battle X F**ked Up Christmas Movies Every Jedi Ever Netflix Conscience 21 Things I'd Rather Do Than Smoke Every Christmas Ever Naked and Afraid A Merry Minecraft Christmas! Every New Years Ever
Season 2016 Best of 2015 Remix Part Timers (Official Trailer) Douche Board Commercial Every Dog Ever If TV Shows Were Real 3 Addicted to Pranking (Gone Sexual) Every Football Game Ever If Adults Acted Like Children Drake-A-Wish Every First Date Ever If Reality Shows Were Real Climate Control Isn't Real Every Oscars Ever Adult Magic School Bus World's Smallest House Every Sibling Ever Keeping Up With the More Kardashians Human Pokemon Battle Every Superhero Ever Hippie Grass Car Part Timers Season 2 (Official Trailer) Surprise Fan Prank Every Driver Ever If Teens Ruled the World My Best Friend is a Robot Every Boyfriend Ever Kiss Currency Worst Army Ever Every Mom Ever Super Virgin Squad We're in The Angry Birds Movie Every Prom Ever LIE DETECTOR ESCAPE ROOM CHALLENGE w/ My Mom Every Girlfriend Ever Backwards Curse Words Chips Ghost Every Starbucks Ever One Letter Off Superheroes Emo Hair Every American Ever Batman's a Bitch Returns Dick Pic Curse Every Funeral Ever If Disney Princesses Were Real Office Fight Every Super Villain Ever Video Game Items in Real Life 2 Breaking News: Brad is Missing Every Ex Ever We're in Super Mario Maker! Ghosts vs Humans Every High School Ever Batman Sucks Forever Every Family Vacation Ever Phone Nicknames Hurt Worst Heist Ever Every Election Ever I Have a Micropenis If Video Games Were Real 5 1976 vs 2016 Every Bird Ever ASTRONAUT GOOGLE SEARCH FAIL What If Donald Trump... If Movies Were Real 4 Every Horror Movie Ever How to Make Easy Money What If The Walking Dead... Man Trapped in Room For 20 Years Every Hipster Ever How To Be an Awesome Hacker What If Star Wars... Business Boy Emoji Curse Every Shopper Ever Guys Guide to Football What If Your iPhone Were... Masterchef Millennials Naval Cannon WHAT IF THE NEW SMOSH MOVIE... LAW AND ORDER: ZOMBIE COP DIVISION (ZCD) What If Santa Were... this had to happen Food Battle 2016
Season 2017 Every Gym Ever BEST of 2016 REMIX WHAT IF MARIO...? THE F*CKBOY SONG EVERY DATING APP EVER HORRIBLE PRANK RUINS MAN'S LIFE WHAT IF TAYLOR SWIFT...? IF PEOPLE WERE CARS EVERY BATHROOM EVER SOCIAL MEDIA DIVORCE COURT EVERY BEST FRIEND EVER ONE LETTER OFF TV SHOWS EVERY CRUSH EVER TOTALLY ACCURATE WRESTLING MATCH HOW TO BE THE BEST GAMER IN THE WORLD IPhone 8C ANNOUNCEMENT EVERY ROOMMATE EVER IF APPS WERE REAL EVERY SLEEPOVER EVER 1997 VS 2017 EVERY GIRLS NIGHT OUT EVER AM I A BAD BOYFRIEND? EVERY GUYS NIGHT OUT EVER MOVIES ON DRUGS 2 (La La Land, Pinocchio, Taken, & More) WE'RE STUCK IN FAN FICTION! EVERY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL EVER IF PEOPLE ACTED LIKE THEY DO ONLINE WOKE KIDS GAMES EVERY ROMANTIC COMEDY EVER THE VLOG VIRUS (w/ Ryan Higa and Rhett & Link) ONE LETTER OFF VIDEO GAMES WHAT IF ABRAHAM LINCOLN...? DEEP CELEBRITY SONG (Music Video) EVERY TEST EVER Another Youtube Apology Video WHAT IF DISNEY MOVIES... REJECTED ZELDA GAMES EVERY DENTIST EVER ONE LETTER OFF MOVIES WHAT IF YOUR DAD... IF PEOPLE ACTED LIKE POLITICIANS IF BOARD GAMES WERE REAL 2 Anthony is Leaving Smosh The TRUTH about Smosh. THE SECRET TO INSTAGRAM COMEDY WHAT IF HARRY POTTER... IF REALITY SHOWS WERE REAL 2 WHAT IF MILLENNIALS... $1 Taco Vs. $1,000,000 Taco EVERY APPLE STORE EVER 2007 VS 2017 WHAT IF YOUTUBERS... NEWS WITHOUT TRUMP EVERY SUMMER CAMP EVER What's going on with Smosh?! EVERY POOL PARTY EVER Our Coffee Machine is Racist. EVERY RECESS EVER IF DISNEY MOVIES WERE REAL EVERY ACTION MOVIE EVER ONE LETTER OFF BOOKS BEST ECLIPSE VIDEO EVER (deleting never) TIME TRAVELER TRIES TO SAVE WORLD EVERY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL EVER FIRST LOOK: $50,000 iPhone 8 Diamond Edition EVERY SEX-ED EVER ONE LETTER OFF KIDS SHOWS EVERY SEX-ED EVER HOW TO NOT PISS OFF ASIAN PEOPLE EVERY HIGH SCHOOL CLIQUE EVER IF KIDS SHOWS WERE REAL 2 THE MOST HATED PEOPLE IN THE WORLD! EVERY FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE EVER SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY AS A HORROR MOVIE EVERY MCDONALD'S EVER EVERY HAUNTED HOUSE EVER 31 LAST MINUTE DIY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES EVERY COSTUME PARTY EVER The Kiss. Kids on Bikes WHAT IF SMOKING RUINED ICONIC MOVIE MOMENTS... Taking Smosh in a new direction. MatPat, Gabbie Hanna, and Ricky Dillon - You Posted That? The Justice League is SAD EVERY FAMILY GATHERING EVER CaptainSparklez, Mini Ladd, and OMGItsFirefoxx - You Posted That? EVERY STAR WARS FAN EVER h3h3, Jacksfilms, and Elliott Morgan - You Posted That? EVERY GRANDPARENT EVER SOURCEFED RETURNS! - You Posted That? EVERY HOLIDAY SEASON EVER ANTI SANTA PROTEST GOES BAD EVERY SANTA EVER 2016 vs 2017 THE BEST AND WORST OF 2017