Justin Bieber gets a surprise visit from the only person that matters: himself! Can Past Justin save Present Justin from losing himself?!
In Justin Bieber's room, the past Justin (Ian) wakes up present day Justin (Anthony). Today's Justin tries to shoot the other person (while holding the gun the wrong way), but past Justin says that he's him from the past. He states that today's Justin should go back to what he truly was: without anyone writing for him, nor Usher, nor Auto-Tune. Today's Justin decides to do it which past Justin decides to listen.
Justin creates a song called I Totally Wish... directed by Michael Jackson's ghost. It's about him wishing that he was black in an annoying high-pitched voice. However, past Justin noticed that he does need some help while needing some swag. Today's Justin states that he doesn't do things like that before since he has other people do it for him while he looks pretty. Past Justin tells him to think about that truly matters to himself and a little auto-tune because of his bad vocal cords.
Justin creates a song called Ride (All Over) directed by I'm Now on House Arrest. It's about running over the paparazzi and splattering them over the hood of his $2,000,000 Bugatti. There was also some twerking and auto-tune involved. Past Justin thought the beat was slamming and compliments about Justin's new hairdo. Today's Justin thanked his younger self and thought that his old hairstyle was dumb. Today's Justin also tells his younger self to peep at the next song.
Justin creates a song called Baby directed by an actual baby. It's pretty much the same thing as the original, but with actual babies. Past Justin knows that he did that song already, but today's Justin states that the song is about his love for babies since they're cute. Past Justin thought that was weird, but tells today's Justin to show the rest of the songs so he can bang with Selena Gomez. Justin realizes that he doesn't bang anyone until three years later with a Brazilian prostitute. Past Justin asked if that really happened which today's Justin expanded saying that it costed $10,000.
Justin creates a song called One Time (Being Famous is Awesome) directed by Urrrrshur. It's about the cops finding him with weed and have his black friend take the blame. He even created a song called S(w)agging My Pants directed by his probation officer. It's about him sagging his pants past his dick which looks like he pooed in it. Justin also made a song called I'm Wealthy directed by his pool boy. It's about him being wealthy in order to survive and have unnecessary things like a platinum toilet, a toothbrush made of rhino horn, and his toilet paper is gold. Justin also creates a song called "Prostitute" directed by his Canadian mother. It's about him liking to pee in buckets and throw eggs at his neighbors. It also mentions him making kissing faces for the cameras while also spitting at his fans and haters. It even talks about his love for Selena Gomez, but Brazilian prostitutes even more.
Justin asks his past self what he thinks about the new songs. However, "past Justin" reveals himself to be Niall Horan from One Direction (Ian). Niall reveals his evil plan to ruining Justin's career by disguising as Justin from the past and tricking him into singing songs about him being rude so One Direction can rule the world. Justin tries to remember who Niall is, so Niall details by saying that he's normally in the back of the stage where he doesn't sing much since he might be terrible at it. Justin then confuses Niall with the Nile River from Egypt and thinks that he has a river on his bed. As an enthusiastic person Justin is, he wants Niall to go around the moat of his mansion. Niall realizes this and tries to tell him that it's different since his name is not spelled the same way as the river. Justin still thinks Niall is a river and starts asking him where the fish and fishermen are. Niall thinks Justin is trying to piss him off deciding that he has enough from Justin pissing him off and leaves. Justin thought Niall was a "weird river" and decides to eat a container of lube.
The narrator introduces Just Justin and starts giving a low price. However, the narrator keeps raising the price since he believes twelve-year-old girls will buy it anyway.
Justin sings a song never say never but replaces the words of him bragging about his tattoos "bunch of tattoos" which includes what he had for lunch.
Ultimate Douchebag Medley Lyrics
(note that this is a song from iTunes)
As long as I'm wealthy, I'll never be starving, Never be homeless, Never be broke. As long as I'm wealthy, My toilet is platinum, My toothbrush is rhino horn, Wipe my ass with gold. As long as I'm wealth wealth wealth wealthy, wealthy, Wealth wealth wealth wealth wealthy, wealthy.
(Justin doesn't sing for sixteen seconds)
One time Cops came into my house And found a bunch of weed; Then I made my black friend Take the blame for me. One time One time One one time One one tie tie time!
(Justin doesn't sing for eleven seconds)
I got a bunch of tattoos (Ay) got tattoos If you read them, You can get clues. (You can get clues) To what I had for lunch S**t dawg I got a bunch. On my neck, On my back, On my chest, On my abs, A bunch of tattoos.
(Justin doesn't sing for four seconds)
Uh, uh, You love me. Haha.
I like to pee in buckets And throw eggs at my neighbors. Make kissy faces at the camera, Spit on my fans and haters. I love Selena Gomez But I love Brazilian prostitutes more. Swaggy! I like to pee in buckets! Ain't no other words rhyme with more. I like to pee in buckets! Ain't no other words rhyme with more.
(Justin doesn't sing for seven seconds)
Uh, uh, You love me. Eh.
I totally wish I was black So people may say it and whack.
(Justin doesn't sing for six seconds) Totally wish, to-to-totally wish
(Justin doesn't sing for nineteen seconds)
And ohh I want to run all over the paparazzi. And ohh Splatter them over the hood Of my $2,000,000 Bugatti.
(Justin doesn't sing for fourteen seconds)
And I was like Baby, baby, baby no. Like baby, baby, baby ohh. Like!
(Justin doesn't sing for thirteen seconds)
(Justin doesn't sing for eight seconds) Swag my
(Justin doesn't sing for eight seconds) Sag my pants past my dick Oh yeah. Past my dick. Looks like I pooed in it. Oh yeah. Pooed in it. Sag my pants past my dick Oh yeah. Past my dick. Looks like I pooed in it. Oh yeah. Pooed in it.
If Bieber Wrote His Songs/Script
The video had to be re-uploaded on August 16th, 2014 due to someone flagging it.
In the very beginning of the video, on the nightstand next to Bieber is a lantern, a box of tissues and a few used ones, a tube of "Lube: Extra Smooth" and a gun.
Many paintings are seen around Justin's room. Thomas Gainsborough's The Blue Boy is seen behind Past Justin.
The directors of the music videos change every song. "I Totally Wish.." was directed by 'Michael Jackson's Ghost'. "Ride (All Over)" was directed by 'I'm Now On House Arrest', "Baby" was directed by 'An Actual Baby', and so on.
In order, the songs that were parodied in the Ultimate Douchebag Medley:
An off-key song
As long as you love me
Never say never (Deleted song)
As seen in the beginning, Bieber is sleeping with a Cookie Monster plush toy.
During the music video for "I'm Wealthy", there's a smiley face on the Gold
The text at the bottom of the order information screen for Just Justin reads: "Orders subject to approval by Usher. Usher won't approve if you got a weird name, yo. He changed my middle name from Drewburger to Drew which makes me sad cuz I like burgers. Love Justin Drewburger Biebe".
Shut Up! Opening
"I think that I was detrimental to my own career. SHUT UP!"