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I'M NOT RACIST

Script by Ian and Anthony

EXT. ANTHONY'S HOUSE - DAY

Ian is now going to his flight, he stops and reminds anthony that his French cousin Pierre is staying over while his gone.

IAN

I'm gonna be late for my flight if I don't go right now.

ANTHONY

Alright, have fun in France, man!

IAN

Oh, by the way, my French cousin is staying over while I'm gone

ANTHONY

What?

IAN

Yeah, his name is Pierre. Bye!

PIERRE

'Sup, Brother!

ANTHONY

Pierre?

PIERRE

The one and only, Brother!

ANTHONY

You don't look very French.

PIERRE

You gettin' racist on me, Brother?

ANTHONY

No no, I guess I just have never seen a real French person before.

PIERRE

Ha ha, Well we're a fun much, up high, brother! (high-five) Down low! (spanks Anthony's buttocks)

PIERRE

Ughh, we should go inside, like, right now, Brother.

ITALIAN #1

We got you now!

INT. ANTHONY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Anthony is sitting in the living room listening pierre taking a shower, after that his phone rang.

PIERRE

mumbling in the background

ANTHONY

(Phone rings)

Hello?

IAN

Hello, man. How's Pierre?

ANTHONY

He looks and talks like Hulk Hogan.

IAN

Well, duh, they all do. Have you never seen a real French person before?

ANTHONY

Well, I guess not, but okay, there's nothing wrong with it, but, is Pierre gay?

IAN

Anthony, not all French men are gay, that sounds a little bit racist.

ANTHONY

Okay, well, earlier today he was doing some really questionable things.

INT. ANTHONY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

ANTHONY

This is the living room and I'll show you-

Pierre holds Anthony's hand

Why are you holding my hand?

PIERRE

Why would I not? (NOT GAY)

ANTHONY

eating Spaghetti with Pierre

PIERRE

What? (NOT GAY)

ANTHONY

What are you doing!?!

PIERRE

Looking at gay porn. (NOT-OK, THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE GAY.)

INT. ANTHONY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

IAN

Anthony you can't be so racist! Just because his culture is different, it doesn't mean you can spread lies about his sexual orientation.

ANTHONY

He was looking at Gay Porn!

IAN

And who doesn't from time to time!?!?

ANTHONY

True.

IAN

Dude I gotta go, I've been looking at french fries for the past five hours and I can't find them anywhere.

ANTHONY

Anthony checks the door

Hey Pierre, are these your friends? They look like Richard Simmons.

PIERRE

checks the door) You idiot, that's the Italian Mafia.

ANTHONY

What the hell are they doing here?

PIERRE

I have a lot of gambling debt. (whispers out loud) I just can't say no to Naked Twister.

ITALIAN #1

Okay, it's time to eat shit and die sillies.

ITALIAN #2

Yeah! (kicks the door open) You've messed with the wrong Italians, Pierre!

PIERRE

I'm so scared right now. Hold me.

ANTHONY

What? No!

ITALIAN #2

There you are you little silly; now it's time to die.

ITALIAN #1

Any last words you cute, little butt-heads?

ANTHONY

Yeah, why are you guys acting like Richard Simmons?

ITALIAN #2

Augh. Oh, no, he did not just say that.

PIERRE

What the hell man, all Italians are like that.

ANTHONY

I thought they were like "Its a spicy meatsy paula".

ITALIAN #1

Ugh, I can't listen to this little pricks anymore!

ITALIAN #2

Enjoy being racist! And gay!

PIERRE

You're gay? Ughh!

IAN

Well, that was a quick flight. Oh, I like you guys to meet my new friends from Japan.

ANTHONY

Oh great let me guess, all Japanese people look and dress like Elvis right?

IAN

No, we just came back from an Elvis convention.

MARI

(Japanese) F***ing racist! 人種差別(じんしゅさべつ)やろクソ!, jinshusabetsu yaro kuso!) (FUCKING RACIST!)

THE END

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