HOW TO HIDE A BONER IN PUBLIC! is a flagged Smosh video uploaded on January 7, 2011, making it the first video of 2011, as well as the third installment of the Smosh "How-To" Series. Anthony explains some useful tips on how to hide a boner in public.
Anthony tells the audience that a few years ago, he accidentally ate a whole bottle of Viagra, which resulted in a prolonged erection. Anthony tells you on how to deal with this situation.
Step 1: Clothing
Anthony comes out of a closet to inform that tight pants can conceal your condition but can get uncomfortable. He tells that loose fitting clothes work best for maximum comfort. In an example, Ian sets an urn with his grandma's ashes on the table. When Anthony turns around, he causes his erection to knock the urn off the table, breaking it.
Step 2: Hanging Out With Your Friends
Anthony tells the viewer to act normal around friends, because "they'll accept you for who you are." In the example however, the opposite is true, as when Anthony starts to talk to his friends, they notice his erection and start to walk away.
Step 3: Getting New Friends
Anthony tells the viewer to "find friends with similar interests as yourself." Anthony has an engaging conversation with other guys who have the same condition as Anthony. As they laugh, a couple of erections touch.
Step 4: Going to Parties
Anthony tells the viewer ways to hide your erection in a party.
The Broken Back
A girl asks Anthony what he's doing while he's bent over. Anthony answers that he's looking at her shoes before giving a thumbs up. ("GREAT!").
Mr. Pocket Hands
Anthony keeps his hands in his pocket while he wears jeans when a Ian comes up and demands a handshake. Anthony doesn't do anything before Ian says, "Shake my damn hand!" Anthony bites Ian's hand. ("FEROCIOUS!")
The Fetal Baby
Anthony is curled up in a ball on the floor with his friends looking at him from above. After telling a joke, Ian comes in and says, "that's what she said!" before he and Anthony laugh. ("STUPENDOUS!")
The D**k In a Box
Anthony comes in with a box over his groin. Ian notices and laughs, saying, "Dick in a box, right?" He then opens the box, only for Ian to scream and Anthony to become shocked. ("SHOCKING!!!")
Ian finds out that GIR in his dog costume was in the Dick in a Box.
1 Foot Distance
Anthony informs the viewer to keep a minimum one foot distance from people, because awkward things can happen. In an example, as Anthony turns around, his erection touches the butt of a Fabian. He turns around and comments with, "Oh, hello!" ("THO THUPER!")
Step 5: Dating
Anthony tells the viewer ways to use the condition to your advantage. A girl comes in, asking if there's a gun in his pants. Anthony casually responds with, "Actually, it's my boner." Anthony tells the viewer it can go one of two different ways: one is the girl asking to make out. Another is the girl shouting, "Molester!" Sgt. Anous comes in and tells Anthony to freeze and "drop the gun in [his] pants." Anthony tries to explain that it's his boner, but Anous does not believe in him and yells "BULLSH*T!" and opens fire on Anthony, killing him. Anous, while approaching Anthony, converts his pistol to an AK-47 rifle and fires a barrage of bullets onto Anthony. He rips Anthony's erection off, thinking it's a small shotgun. He then pretends to fire the erection, as he would a gun, at the girl, disgusting her. ("SHOTGUN PENIS'D!")
When Sergant Anous looks in Anthony's pants, he notices it isn't a gun and subsequently shouts "OH MY GOD, IT'S HIS PEEPEE!!!!!!" ("GROSS!!!")
Because the regular video was flagged as inappropriate, Smosh uploaded a censored version a day after the original. The censored version censored Anthony's erection with Bob Barker's face, while other erections were censored with a different persons's head. The words "dick" and "boner" were also censored.
Anyway, late 2013 this censored version was also flagged for some reason, even though the Spanish uncensored version isn't.
In the uncensored version of the video, when Sgt. Anous holds Anthony's ripped-off penis, the penis is censored by pixelation. In the censored version, it is censored by Bob Barker's face.
In the "Mr. Pocket Hands" Segment, a Predator is at the party in the mirror.
One of the dudes at the party with glasses and a backwards Smosh trucker hat later appears in the Nightcrawler scene in If Superheroes Were Real and in the "Guy who explains every joke" deleted scene in REJECTED VIDEOS!
This video and its censored version are available on Smosh.com. On YouTube, the uncensored version is flagged, but for some reason it is still rated "Green".
Around October 2013, the censored version was also flagged as inappropriate.
In an alternate ending, Sgt. Anous shoots Anthony the same, but he later stops and says,"Obviously, this thing in his pants is a gun, why else would it have skin--?" Then he realizes that it's Anthony's penis, and squeals, "OH MY GOD! IT'S HIS PEE-PEE!" Then the announcer says,"Gross!"
At 2:10, you can see two ? Blocks from the Super Mario Bros.
This is the first Smosh video of 2011.
"Thanks for subscribing-ugh! Get that out of my face! Okay, thank you! *Smack* Ugh, ugh, oh."