Guy's Guide to Being Manly is a Smosh video released January 17, 2014.
This guide will help any guy who's ever had a problem proving their manliness.
In a living room, Anthony Padilla watches football with two guys. All of the sudden, Ian comes in asking if they like his outfit. Anthony thinks to himself that it's hideous, but also wonders if Ian will get mad at him if he told the truth. However, he thinks it doesn't matter since they're friends. Anthony told the truth saying that Ian's wearing Moon Boots, pop collars, and a long-sleeve shirt under a t-shirt and asks if he was stuck in the nineties. After the two guys curiously stared at Anthony, he decides to run away. Pat Ian stops the video asking rhetorically if that happened to any of the audience. Pat says that he was going to help and then the narrator says the name of the video.
Pat tells the viewer that science has taught them that being manly is essential for keeping their penises from falling off. He says that it happened to his uncle after watching The Notebook four times in a row. In a flashback, Pat's uncle screams like a woman as he holds up his penis. Pat tells the viewer that he'll teach them to be manly around their guy friends, for they will devour them the second they find out that they aren't manly. In an example, Anthony tells his friends that the new One Direction song isn't that bad. However, his friends then proceed to beat him up. And they beat him up like a pack of wolves.
Pat tells the viewer that one of the most sensitive subjects among other bros is how they compliment each other. Pat advises to give them a compliment that's positive but doesn't make it sound like they want to give them "heat to their meat." In an example, Ian comes out wearing a tuxedo. Anthony's incorrect responses include telling Ian he looks fabulous like a stereotypical homosexual man, telling Ian he'd tap that, saying that Ian looks like an "ugly piece of sh..." and throwing up. Anthony also said that Ian looks like a "hot peice of ass" but when Ian looked confused, Anthony says that he looks like Spock's naked ass. Ian agreed with Anthony and chest bumped before Ian noticed that Anthony's nipples are hard.
Pat then tells that how people perceive them is important. He says that they shouldn't show their love for their girlfriends (if they have one) in front of their guy friends. As a demonstrating, Anthony wiggles his girlfriend's nose while naming their baby Bernard even though it's a girl. All of the sudden, Ian and the bros came in wondering about Anthony which causes him to punch the girl and say that it was just his girlfriend being a stupid girl. One of the bros even thought that girls are stupid. Once the girlfriend started to get back up, Anthony punched her back down.
Pat then tells that body language is important. He gives an example with guy in a club and he's getting ready to mingle. He tells them that it maybe comfortable to sit while crossing legs (which neither Pat nor the girls liked), but doing that will make people think that the person is a girly girl and would wish that he was at a tampon party instead. Pat thought that was stupid and starts to give examples on how people should sit. These positions include the gigantic genitalia, sitting while spreading the far apart; the 90s heartthrob, sitting on the chair while it faces backwards; the gargoyle, standing on the chair while the knees are far apart; the overdone meme from 2011, lying on the chair sideways; the doggystyle, holding the chair while twerking on it; the air chair, standing on a sitting position; and the reversal, having the chair on the person.
Pat then tells that after sitting in these manly ways, it's time to show a person's real manliness by dancing. They include the minor seizure (shaking down in slightly fast), the runner (running in place), the creepy moolester (walking in place with a creepy face), the Dookie Brown (jumping in way to make it look like the person is injured or needs to use the bathroom), the Chris Brown (punching the girl), The Neighbor (dressing up as That Damn Neighbor while holding a garden flamingo), the Dick Cheney (dressing up in a fake bullet-proof vest and shooting a girl while making it seem like an accident), the chainy d!ck (hooking a chain to pants and swinging it to make look like a dick), or the pay a black guy to dance for you, a black guy (Dwight Taylor) dancing with a girl while you stand to the side and watch.
Pat then tells the audience that the best to gain manliness is by absorbing it from another man. ait tries to demonstrate by absorbing Anthony, but he calls Pat a molester. Pat tells Anthony that he just wants to suck out his manliness which made the cop tackle Pat.
Pat ends up in a police car and tells the viewers to tune in next time for Guy's Guide to Escaping a Police Car as he escapes the one he's in. After Pat jumped on the sidewalk, a different cop (Anthony, possibly Sgt. Faraday) beats up Pat with a nightstick while evening sitting on him.
Note that they walked differently than in the original video. When Ian told to bros to kill Anthony, Ian and the bros hit him while Ian says to like Slayer while calling Anthony a little ratchet bastard. After that, Ian asks if anyone wants to go on a mustache ride while saying that one of the bros is the mustache.
Deleted Scene #1
Pat tells the audience that sometimes men need to get their manicure (man in manicure was underlined) on, but it's always painted super-manly. In the living room, Anthony shows Ian his nails which he said they were sick. Also, one of the bros said that girls are stupid while kissing Ian which he agreed.
Deleted Scene #2
One of the dances Pat hasn't mentioned was the YMCA. When Anthony was dancing with a girl, a cop and a construction worker pushes away the girl and do the dance with Anthony which made him stop. Pat told the viewers to maybe not do that one.
Like this videos' predecessor, Pat is once again arrested for molestation. But this time he tries to escape the police car.
When the video was uploaded, Smosh commented "Firsty-eleventeenth!". The comment has 113 replies and 1997 (and counting) Thumbs ups.
The people in the back of Pat Naylor's dojo do random dance moves behind Pat while he introduces the next topic. First they're pretending to stab one another, then Gangnam Style, The Macarena, then The Conga Line.
Behind the people in the dojo are posters with the Chinese characters for "Protect", "Strength", and "Protect" again but in Traditional Chinese or Japanese. Though, the words on the bottom translate them as "Honor", "Strength", and "Loyal".
'The Creepy Molester' is misspelled as 'The Creepy Moolester', how it is pronounced in Smosh videos.
The title of this video has an apostrophe between the Y and S, as in "Guy's". But in the video it changes places, making it "Guys'".