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"Ian/Anthony! Ian/Anthony! You've just won Food Battle 20XX! What are you going to do now?"
—The Food Battle Reporter at the end of every Food Battle.[src]

The Food Battle Reporter, or simply the Reporter, was a recurring character on Smosh from 2006 to 2016, only appearing in the annual episodes of Food Battle, in which he announces the winner, eagerly congratulates them, and asks what they will do next. He was first introduced in 2006 and was played by Brian Rassmussen.

As Food Battle was discontinued after 2016, the character has been retired.

Character

Personality

Appearance

History

"Food Battle 2006"

The Reporter talks to Ian in front of Bath & Body Works.

Food Battle Reporter: "Ian! Ian! You've just won Food Battle 2006. What are you going to do now?"
Ian: "I'm going to Disneyland!"
— The Reporter interviewing Ian[src]

After Ian won Food Battle 2006 (after Anthony drowns in the backyard pool), the Reporter speedily approaches Ian in front of a Bath & Body Works and asks what he plans to do. Ian jumps up and down as he reveals that he is going to Disneyland. The Reporter excitedly asks if he can come with Ian, who shouts "No!".[4]

"Food Battle 2007"

The Reporter talks to Anthony on the sidewalk.

Food Battle Reporter: "Anthony! Anthony! You just won Food Battle 2007! What are you gonna do now?"
Anthony: "I'm gonna go home and watch Toy Story!"
— The Reporter interviewing Anthony.[src]

After Anthony won Food Battle 2007 (after Ian slowly dies after a car crash), he is walking on a sidewalk when he is approached by an eager reporter, who informs him that he has won the battle and asks what he plans to do next. Anthony excitedly announces his plans to return home and watch Toy Story. The Reporter asks if he can join. Anthony enthusiastically agrees, unlike Ian the year prior.[5]

"Food Battle 2008"

The Reporter talks to Ian in the park.

Food Battle Reporter: "You've just won Food Battle 2008, what are you gonna do now?"
Ian: "I'm gonna go have a party!"
— The Reporter interviewing Ian.[src]

As Ian walks away from the battle with Anthony, he is approached by the Reporter. As the Reporter asks Ian what the latter plans to do next, Anthony sits back up from being impaled by his churro, throwing it at Ian as revenge. However, the churro instead impales the Reporter, who was under the impression that Anthony was dead. As he groans in pain, he weakly asks Ian what he plans to do next. Ian excitedly reveals his plans to hold a party. The Reporter asks if he can join, which Ian agrees. The Reporter asks again to make sure, and Ian changes his answer to a mean "No!".[6]

"Food Battle 2009"

The Reporter talks to Ian outside of a garage.

Food Battle Reporter: "Ian! Ian! You just won Food Battle 2009! What are you gonna do now?"
Ian: "I'm gonna go watch paint dry!"
— The Reporter interviewing Ian.[src]

The Reporter is approaching Ian and calling his name to ask him how he plans to celebrate his victory when he is stopped by Anthony's husband (who confused Anthony, who was wearing a trio of burritos on his head as a wig, for a former partner). As the Reporter watches, the husband removes the outer layer of the burrito to reveal a corn dog and charges at Ian with it. Ian dodges out of the way and forces the husband into a room, closing the door to reveal a sign reading "VIEWING ROOM FOR SUSAN BOYLE SEX TAPE".[7]

The Reporter catches up to Ian again outside of a garage and asks him what he will do to celebrate. Ian excitedly announces that he is going to watch paint dry, to which the Reporter asks if he can join. Some time later, as the two watch white paint dry as the Reporter repeatedly pesters Ian if the paint is indeed dry yet. Eventually, Ian shouts "No!" at the Reporter.[8]

"Food Battle 2010"

The Reporter interviews Anthony in Sharon Hecox's backyard.

.
Food Battle Reporter: "Anthony! Anthony! You've just won Food Battle 2010. What are you gonna do now?!"
Anthony: "I'm gonna go home and play with Pogs! You wanna come?"
Food Battle Reporter: "No!"
—The Reporter interviewing Anthony.[src]

The Reporter is running up to Ian, who had recently pushed a wheelchair-bound Anthony into a backyard pool, to congratulate him of winning Food Battle 2010 when an angry Anthony rises up out of the pool and starts approaching Ian with a menacing glare. A nervous Ian takes a few steps back but accidentally steps in a bucket with electrified water (which he used earlier in the video in an attempt to create a teleportation device), electrocuting him and making him fall prone. Anthony kneels in front of a supposedly dying Ian and reveals that he figured out how to survive underwater after drowning in the same pool four years prior.[9]

The Reporter approaches a victorious Anthony and asks him what he plans to do. Anthony excitedly announces that he is going to return home and "play with Pogs!", inviting the Reporter to join. The Reporter uncharacteristically shouts a mean "No!" in response.[10]

"Food Battle 2011"

The Reporter interviews Ian in the afterlife.

Food Battle Reporter: "Ian! Ian! You've just been transported into someplace like purgatory or a ripoff of that one scene in the last Harry Potter movie! What are you gonna do now!"
Ian: "I'm gonna go fly! Wanna come?"
Food Battle Reporter: "F*ck yeah!"
—The Reporter interviewing Ian.[src]

As Ian and Anthony are having a duel, using their respective foods as guns, they reveal that they tried to poison each others' foods, but Anthony was the smarter, both poisoning Ian's donut and stuffing a bow and arrow into his lollipop. Anthony shoots an arrow into Ian's chest, but Ian weakly questions how Anthony could possibly win if there is no one to announce it, revealing the Reporter behind him, impaled by the same arrow. As they both slump to the ground, a horrified Anthony rushes to the Reporter and tries to get a dying reporter to announce him as the winner. The Reporter tries, but dies before he is able to finish, leaving Anthony to cry out "Noooooo!" into the heavens.[11]

In the afterlife, the reporter approaches Ian, who asks what he plans to do, now that they are in purgatory. Ian excitedly announces that he is going to go flying and invites the reporter, who eagerly accepts.[12]

"FOOD BATTLE 2012 ANNOUNCEMENT!"

A flashback to "FOOD BATTLE 2011".

"I won fair and square! I don't need some stupid guy with a microphone to tell me if I won or not!"
—Anthony.[src]

When Anthony shows how he has turned Ian's bedroom into a "cat room" after he died in Food Battle 2011, the Delivery Guy reminds him that he did not technically win as, as shown in a flashback, the Reporter died from his wound before he was able to declare a winner. Anthony rejects the notion, however, claiming that he won "fair and square" and that he does not need "some stupid guy with a microphone" to say if he won.[13]

"FOOD BATTLE 2012!"

The reporter interviews Anthony in Ian's body.

Food Battle Reporter: "Ian... or Anthony! I don't know that whole thing was really confusing. Anyway, you've just won Food Battle 2012! What are you gonna do now?!"
Anthony: "I'm gonna try a new body part switcher!"
— The reporter interviewing Anthony in Ian's body.[src]

Anthony, who Ian had shot with a gun in a failed attempt to prove that donuts can heal life-threatening injuries, reminds Ian that he cannot win Food Battle unless the reporter, who died the previous year, announces so. A confused Ian points out the Reporter, who is standing nearby, waving at the two, much to Anthony's confusion and distress.[14]

After it was revealed that Ian and Anthony had their brains switched, Ian (in Anthony’s body) dies, as Anthony (in Ian's body) also switched his heart with his pink frosted sprinkled donut. The reporter asks Anthony what he plans to do now that he has won Food Battle 2012. Anthony reveals that he's going to try out a "new body part switcher". The Reporter excitedly asks if he can join, but later seems to regret his decision when Anthony proceeds to use his "Genitalia Switcher" to switch his genitals with those of a stuffed cat.[15]

"FOOD BATTLE 2013"

The Reporter interviews Ian in the Crack Dealer's garage.

Food Battle Reporter: "Ian! Ian! You've just won Food Battle 2013! What are you gonna do now?"
Ian: "I'm gonna stroll around the city in my mom's bra! Wanna come?"
Food Battle Reporter: "F*ck yeah!"
—The Reporter interviewing Ian.[src]

After Ian wins Food Battle 2013 after Anthony is stabbed by a falling sword, the Reporter approaches him and asks what he plans to do. Ian excitedly announces his intent to stroll around town in his mother's bra and invites the Reporter to come along. The Reporter responds with a "F*ck yeah!", ripping open his shirt to reveal his own bra.[16]

"FOOD BATTLE 2014"

The Reporter interviews Ian inside the Smosh House.

"I guess I win Food Battle this year..."
—The Reporter.[src]
Food Battle Reporter: "You've just won Food Battle 2014! What are you gonna do now?"
Food Battle Reporter: "I'm gonna take a bubble bath!"
Food Battle Reporter: "Oh boy, a bubble bath! Can I come?"
Food Battle Reporter: "F*ck yeah!"
—The Reporter interviewing himself.[src]

After poisoning Anthony for the second time in a Food Battle, Ian is approached by the Reporter, but trips on the way and stumbles into Ian, knocking him over and sending him falling face-first into the very same bucket of toxic poison he used to kill Anthony. As he steps back in horror at what he had just done, the Reporter is left speechless for a few seconds before shyly turning to the camera and supposes that he wins Food Battle 2014, proceeding to interview himself on what he plans to do next: taking a bubble bath. He invites himself to join, which he eagerly accepts. The Reporters take a bubble bath with an outward shot revealing the Reporter with a clone of himself.[17]

"FOOD BATTLE X"

The Reporter interviews Anthony inside his house.

Food Battle Reporter: "Anthony! Anthony! (Oh, Grandpa, no...) Anthony, you've just won Food Battle X! What are you gonna do now!"
Anthony: "I'm gonna burn your house down!"
— The Reporter interviewing Anthony.[src]

Having lost the previous two houses to fire, Ian and Anthony barge into the Reporter's house. They notice the Reporter having breakfast with his grandfather and sheepishly ask if they can host Food Battle at their house this year. The Reporter agrees, but warns them be careful in the kitchen, as Grandpa recently waxed the floor. Grandpa points to the duo and notes that he waxes "very lots", prompting the Reporter to put a loving hand on his grandfather's shoulder (unintentionally spilling what was in Grandpa's spoon) and acknowledges to Ian and Anthony that "he does".[2]

After Ian loses by choking on his own donut, Anthony is approached by the Reporter in the kitchen. The Reporter steps over the body of Grandpa (who presumably tripped over his own waxed floor) and asks Anthony what he plans to do next. Anthony excitedly announces that he want to burn the Reporter's house down. The Reporter asks if he can join.[18]

As the Reporter and Anthony watch the former's house burn down outside, the Reporter wonders aloud why he always wants to partake in whatever Ian and Anthony want to do after winning Food Battle. Anthony puts an arm over the Reporter's shoulder as they continue to watch the house burn down.[19]

"this had to happen"

The Reporter tries to jog Ian and Anthony's minds.

"No! No, goddammit, no! I give you guys all these clues to remind you to do Food Battle! I'm unemployed 364 days a year! I will not let you take my one day of work away from me!"
—The Reporter to Ian and Anthony.[src]

When Ian and Anthony give up trying to solve the puzzle to remind them to do Food Battle, the Reporters appears in the room with an entire table offering all of Anthony's past favorite foods (Taquitos, Celery, Churros, Burritos, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rainbow Lollipops, Eggrolls, Giant Gummy Snake, Rock Candy, and Chocolate Coated Bananas), all for only fifty cents. Ian and Anthony walk over, noticing the connection to Anthony, who buys one of each. As the Reporter watches, Ian and Anthony start to make the connection between his stand and Food Battle, with Ian making the connection by mentioning Friends. Anthony sidetracks the conversation by mentioning that he has only seen eight seasons of Friends, causing the Reporter to yell at them about how he put all the clues out in front of them and how he is otherwise unemployed all year, begging them not to take his one day of work away from him. Ian and Anthony acknowledge that they forgot to do Food Battle for the year, both relieving and frustrating the Reporter into leaving while Anthony [20]

"FOOD BATTLE 2016"

The Reporter walks with Ian and Anthony, who confirm that, because Food Battle is over, he is out of a job.

Food Battle Reporter: "Ian! Ian! Anthony! You've just ended Food Battle and I'm out of a job. What are you gonna do now?"
Anthony: "We're gonna live, damn it. We're gonna live."
— The Reporter interviewing Ian and Anthony.[src]

At the start of Food Battle 2016, a quick series of exaggerated flashbacks from "this had to happen", including the Reporter wailing that he is unemployed.[21] At the end of the video, the Reporter asks Ian and Anthony, who have mutually decided to conclude Food Battle, thus putting him out of a job, what they plan to do next, to which Anthony replies "We're gonna live, damn it.". The Reporter asks to join, and Ian and Anthony wraps their arms around his shoulders as they walk away from the camera. As they walk, Ian and Anthony confirm that the Reporter is indeed out of a job and offer a few suggestions for alternative professions, including a foot greaser, window cleaner, plumber, and rock painter, all of which the Reporter rejects. Ian suggests "taint tickler" and the Reporter admits that he already does that for free. Ian suggests that he should start charging.[3]

Appearances

Smosh

Trivia

  • "FOOD BATTLE 2011" is the first Food Battle in which the Reporter does not mention the title.

References

External links

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