- Ian: "Mmm, Oh yeah. That's good! That's a very good Kardashian butt!"
- Intro: "Shut UP!"
- — Shut UP! opening
FOOD BATTLE 2014 is a Smosh video uploaded on November 21, 2014 and is the ninth installment of the annual Food Battle series. It was officially announced on September 30, 2014. The voting process began on September 30 and ended on October 21, 2014.
Anthony's Favorite Food: Rock Candy
Ian speaks to a camera noting that Food Battle this year is canceled. After many years, he has decided not do it again since he's more mature. Anthony however doesn't buy that since he came back from the dead. Ian claims that he's more mature, but Anthony points out that Ian is reading a poop joke book. Ian even gets jokes from said book and uses a mug containing a poop joke. Anthony declares that they're doing Food Battle right now. Ian reluctantly agrees to do it, and after Anthony tosses him his Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut, he half asses the intro (including the Word Art). Anthony, unimpressed, shows him how it is done with his new food, Rock Candy. Food Battle 2014 begins. After the title intro, Anthony's mouth hurts, said it's harder than it looks as Ian whispers, "That's what she said."
Ian sits on the donut, but starts screaming in pain when the metal pipe goes through the donut and into his anus. Result: X
Anthony sits down on the rock candy, causing it to go into his anus. He says it works. He then screams in pain and starts to hold his buttocks. Result: ✓
Anthony tells his rock candy to detect some smoke. He then looks down and notices that his legs are burning to a crisp. He screams in pain. Result: X
Ian walks into Snoop Dogg's house, which releases marijuana smoke. After saying that it smells like a skunk's butthole, the sound of a smoke detector going off is heard from Ian's donut. Result: ✓
As Anthony searches for the next challenge, Ian has a hot girl called Fantasia sitting on his lap, eating a potato crisp. Once Anthony realizes what he's pointed to, he decides to skip to another one.
Anthony tries to hack some bushes with his rock candy and spits all over the place. Result: X
Ian tells his doughnut to do some "real hacking". Using a computer, they hack into a site and receive naked pictures of Anthony. He is then seen crying as he is pouring bleach on his face in a bathroom. Result: ✓
When Ian sees what Anthony has pointed to, he asks if they can skip it, but Anthony points out that they already have skipped the tampon challenge and they can't skip another one. Ian and Anthony are standing in the bathtub, where Ian suggests that they do it to each other. Anthony then gets into position as Ian proceeds to shove the rock candy up Anthony's anus. However, the footage was lost at that moment, leaving the winner of this challenge unknown. The two are traumatized on what they had just done and agreed never to speak of it again before moving on to the next challenge.
Ian uses the pink donut's "Siri" to call his mother to tell him that he is using the "Big boy potty". The camera pulls out to show him that he is sitting on the toilet. When it doesn't work, he gets angry and loses the round. After receiving his X, he rips the black bar to reveal his balls and then he leaves the bathroom. Result: X
Anthony uses his rock candy to play Food Battle: The Game while sitting on a toilet. After the checkmark, Anthony farted. Only some people know. Result: ✓
Anthony believes that the braille writing is telling him that Ian replaced his food with a cactus. He opens his eyes to see his fingers touching a cactus and bleeding. He says to Ian, "Goddammit Ian! You know I have sensitive fingers!" Result: ✓
Ian thinks his food is telling him the meaning of life is to not caught up in pointless battles involving food and to never ever cheat. It also tells him to move to the right, which he does. It turns out that Anthony had attached the cactus to a rope and is swinging it towards Ian's head. As Ian is telling Anthony to never out-cheat a cheater, the cactus returns and hits him in the back of the head. Result: ✓
Anthony is about to announce the next challenge when he notices that his fingers are touching something purple and wet on the catalog. He realizes that he's touching poison. He comes up with a story of how Ian did it: When he was a small child, he planted a Brazilian, poisonous devil's breath tree. 13 years later, he hired a private logging company to turn that tree into a very thin, flexible paper (the very kind used in an average American catalog). He timed it perfectly so that nine Food Battles later, the poison within the pages would seep out and turn an ordinary catalog into a deadly piece of parchment. Ian reveals that he just dipped the catalog into a huge bucket of poison, which pulls out and places on the table. Anthony yells out, "Bob Barker's bruised ballsack!" and dies. Ian then laughed evilly and yells "BITCH!" The announcer runs in to tell Ian that he'd just won Food Battle 2014, but he accidentally knocks Ian's head into the bucket of poison and kills him. He is shocked to see them dead, but he gets over it and he crowns himself as the winner of Food Battle 2014 and asks himself what he's going to do now. He tells himself that he's going to take a bubble bath and asks him if he can come, to which he replies, "F**k yeah!" The announcer and a clone of himself are then seen playing around in a bubble bath.
- Rock Candy (Victor; Won Round 3 against Dragonfruit)
- Dragonfruit (Lost Round 3 to Rock Candy)
- Jawbreaker (Lost Round 2 to Dragonfruit) and Pineapple (Lost Round 2 to Rock Candy)
- Soy BBQ Rib (Lost First Votes to Jawbreaker), Bearclaw (Lost First Votes to Rock Candy), Vegan Cheesecake (Lost First Votes to Pineapple), and Stick of Gum (Lost First Votes to Dragonfruit)
- Even if neither of them had died, Smosh still would've tied for Food Battle 2014 with a score of 3-3.
- At least, that's how it would be if Food Battle wasn't to the death.
- This is the fifth Food Battle where Ian attempts to murder Anthony, the others being 2009, 2010, 2011, and 2012.
- This is the first time someone other than Ian does the introduction (while devouring their food and revealing the logo).
- After Anthony says the rock candy looks harder than it does, Ian whispers "That's what she said" before it cuts to the next scene.
- This is the second Food Battle where it is unclear who truly won, with the first being 2011.
- Theoretically, it should've been Ian because he was the last person alive before the announcer accidentally killed him. Plus, he was able to say that Ian had won Food Battle just before Ian got killed.
- In 2011, Anthony is technically the winner because Ian died.
- Every year, Ian and Anthony never could win the first challenge. This year breaks that streak since Anthony won the first challenge.
- This is the first Food Battle to not take place at Ian's mom's house. The following Food Battle would take place at a different location entirely to either house.
- Ian tried, but failed, using this as an excuse for not doing the Food Battle.
- Coincidentally, the video was released on the same day Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire was released in the US.
- This is the first Food Battle video where the Food Battle News Reporter is shocked to see someone dead but he quickly overcomes it, the second is Food Battle X.
- This is the first and only Food Battle in which both Ian and Anthony die at the end.
- This is also the first Food Battle in which the Food Battle reporter talks to himself.
- This is currently the Food Battle with the least number of challenges in which the results are known (only five of them).
- This is the first time since 2006 (the boyfriend challenge) that footage of a challenge was skipped. The last time, too, would have been awkward to see, as using Anthony's taquito as a partner may have involved treating it like another anal suppository.
- Ian mentions in the BTS (behind-the-scenes) that they nearly forgot to include the annual Food Battle hot babe. With that being said, this is the first Food Battle to have a BTS.
- This is the fourth time an episode of Food Battle has a hot girl in the thumbnail. The first was Food Battle 2009, the second was Food Battle 2010, and the third is Food Battle 2011.
- This is the first Food Battle where Anthony has short hair.
- This is the second time Ian wears a collared shirt for Food Battle.
Anthony Padilla as Himself
Ian Hecox as Himself
JJ Moore as Young Ian
Fantasia as Snoop Dogg Groupie
Brian Rassmussen as Reporter
: Food Battle Series