- "Moving on to one of my favorite pieces, this is Edvard Munch's The Scream. Now, Munch often depicted deeply traumatic events in his own life onto the painting. You see this sexless, twisted, fetal-faced creature, with his eyes and mouth wide open in terror, captures a moment in which Munch said the air turned to blood!"
- —A tour guide before seeing his group completely uninterested[src]
EVERY MUSEUM EVER is the ninety-second episode of the Smosh series Every Blank Ever. This episode, the Smosh crew imitates the general stereotypes affiliated with museums (specifically art museums), including nonsensical artpieces, disrespectful clients, and dramatic employees.
Museums - whether it's confusing a pile of trash for an exhibit, posing for pictures to seem woke on your Instagram, or more, this is Every Museum Ever!
A group of people are standing and inquisitively looking at a display of eggs and white spherical objects in a large bowl. The first person (Keith Leak Jr.) is wondering what the object is, the second (Courtney Miller) pretends to act "sophisticated" by placing her hand on her chin, the third (Ian Hecox) silently regards the object as "crap" but cares too much about his image to say anything, and the fourth (Olivia Sui) needs to defecate. A fifth person standing behind everyone (Noah Grossman), the submitter of the artpiece, is in disbelief that people like the sculpture, considering that he had found it in a dumpster behind a kindergarten school.
A couple walking through an art museum come across a brightly colored clay sculpture. The girl (Olivia) enthuses that this is her ideal date, comparing it to the 2009 romantic comedy-drama film 500 Days of Summer. They take a selfie with the sculpture, or what the man (Keith) describes as a "blob thing". They look at the sculpture for a second before deciding to leave. The man commends them on how cultured they are, which the girl compares to yogurt.
A couple, regarding a large painting of a landscape, turn around and the woman (Olivia) decide to leave. The man (Ian) agrees but wonders where the exit is. The woman points to an exit sign on a wall reading "EXIT - WAY OUT", but the man thinks that the sign is not an actual exit sign, but a display, specifically vintage revival art. The woman agrees and suggests that they grab a map. They walk over to a rectangular group of maps atop a pedestal. The woman is about to grab a map but is stopped by the man, who thinks that this is map installation art. They go over to a security guard (Noah) but the man thinks that he is doing performance art. The security guard confirms that he is the actual security guard and points to the exit, but the couple applauds him, still thinking that he performing. The man commends the guard on his performance and the woman asks if they should tip him. Despite being a bit confused, the security guard does not turn down an offer for a tip.
A very enthusiastic tour guide (Ian) leads a group to one of his favorite pieces: Edvard Munch's The Scream. The tour guide describes in detail how the painting is an example of how Munch often depicted deeply traumatic events in his life in painting; in this case, The Scream captures a moment when Munch stated that the air turned to blood. Proud of his dramatic explanation, the tour guide turns to face the rest of the group, only to see that everyone is sitting on nearby benches on their phones (two of the group take a selfie).
Olivia and Courtney go to see the art museum's "special exhibit". However, one of the staff stops them and tells the two that only one person can enter at a time. When they both volunteer to go first, they are told that they need to buy a special ticket for the exhibit, then that they need to be bought online, and then six months in advance. Courtney asks if the art in the exhibit is worth the trouble, to which the employee responds that the art is not worth the trouble, but the feeling of exclusivity is. This is enough to encourage the girls to buy tickets, only to be told that it is sold out.
A woman (Courtney) is listening to a recording of background information on Gustav Klimt's The Kiss, which quickly degenerates into the narrator (Ian) lamenting on how the painting was the favorite of his ex-wife Leslie. Looking down, the woman sees that the tape is titled "Sad Art for Sad People", and begins to think that she is on the wrong tour. A man (Noah), listening to the same tape, wails in tears "Why would Leslie treat him like that?!"
Ian and Keith, confused at the lack of any art in the museum, ask a lady (Noah) at the front desk what art is supposed to be at the museum. The front desk lady clarifies that the museum does not actually have art, but rather colorful backdrops for Instagram photos. Keith asks how much the tickets are, but he and Ian are aghast when they hear that the price is $300, and even more so when the lady states that two tickets are $900. Ian and Keith fork over their money anyway.
- Olivia: "Every Museum Ever."
- Ian: "Every (snores) Ever."
- Courtney: "Surrealism." Ian: "Pointillism." Courtney: "Capitalism." Ian: "Cubism. Those are arts."
- Olivia: (high-pitched) "Mmm, that looks like a pee-pee."
- Ian: "I drew a line on a large canvas!" Courtney: "Ooh, I'll buy it for fifty million dollars!"
- Olivia: "I dare you to touch it."
- Ian: "Every Museum Ever."
Cast members are listed in order of appearance.
- Keith Leak Jr. as multiple art museum-goers
- Courtney Miller as multiple art museum-goers
- Ian Hecox as multiple art museum-goers, the enthusiastic tour guide, special exhibit employee, and the "Sad Art for Sad People" tape narrator
- Olivia Sui as multiple arts museum-goers
- Noah Grossman as the dumpster artpiece submitter, art museum security guard, two guided tour attendees, and the front desk lady
- Director: Ryan Todd
- Writers: Olivia Sui, Monica Vasandani, and Ryan Finnerty
- Producers: Alex Hluch (senior producer), Kristina Nikolic, Garret Palm, and Ryan Todd
- Editors: Leonard Wilkes and Matthew Duran (assistant editor)
- Director of Photography: Mitch Anderson
- First Assistant Director: Tanner Risner
- Production Designer: Tayler Nicholson
- Art Director: Ian Matthews
- Camera: Brennan Iketani
- Gaffer: Justin Thatcher
- Sound Mixer: Greg Jones
- Makeup Artist: Rachel Jenkins
- Costume Designer: Cassidy Combs
- Post-Production Supervisor: Reed Brice
- This is the second episode in a row of Every Blank Ever concerning tourist destinations.
- Despite the title suggesting the video is about all types of museums and that the title card contains a dinosaur skeleton, all of the clips focus on specifically art museums.