- Shayne: "Sir, I don't know how they do things at H&R Block or wherever chaotic sh*thole you work, but here at Chipotle, we have strict rules and regulations, you got it?!"
- Courtney: "Yeah, and for trying to bully us into violating those rules, we're gonna have to ask you to leave!"
- — Two Chipotle employees to Damien
Let's just be real for a second: You're going to regret ordering the Sofritas over steak, you want a burrito— not a salad, and you're gonna get guac no matter how much more they charge you for it. This is EVERY CHIPOTLE EVER.
- Ian Hecox as a customer
- Olivia Sui as a customer
- Shayne Topp as an employee
- Courtney Miller as an employee
- Damien Haas as a customer and an employee
- Director: Ryan Todd
- 1st Assistant Director: Marcella Gersh
- Writers: Ryan Finnerty and Monica Vasandani
- Executive Producer: Ryan Todd
- Production Manager: Margo McHugh
- Directors of Photography: Katie Eleneke and Nick Giomuso
- Camera Operator: Brennan Iketani
- 1st Assistant Camera: Jacqi Jones
- Digital Imaging Technician: Matt Duran
- Art Director: Steven Cirocco
- Art Production Assistant: Steven Smyka
- Set Decorator: Tayler Nicholson
- Props/Stage Coordinator: Yasmeen Mughal
- Sound Mixer: Greg Jones
- Script Supervisor: Eddie Vigil V
- Hair & Makeup Department Head: Rachel Jenkins
- Wardrobe: Athena Lawton
- Gaffer: Billy Yates
- Key Grip: Emilie Svensson
- Editor: Mike Small
- GFX: Brittany Metz
- Community Manager: Cece Wrenn
- Content Manager: Kiana Parker
- IT/Equipment Manager: Tim Baker
- Executive Assistant: Nancy Azcona
- Courtney: "Every Chipotle Ever."
- Shayne: "You want a quesadilla? It'll be ready in two days."
- Damien: "So "frita" is just Spanish for "ain't no meat in this!"."
- Courtney: "I ordered the bowl and then I just used chips as a utensil."
- Shayne: "Sorry, we're out of grilled veggies. We always have been, and we always will be."
- Damien: "Are you actually going to order a margarita here?"
- Shayne: "The Cheesarito is a real thing and it's on the secret menu. Order it."
"Thank you guys so much for watching Every Chipotle Ever. If you still want to see more sketches, check out the one we did last week, DATING IN 1999 vs. 2019. Or, if you're in a Summer Games mode and want to see some competitions, click this playlist to see everything we've done so far."