The Loop (TV)
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EVERY BURGER KING EVER is the 127th episode of Every Blank Ever, released on April 22, 2019. It features the Smosh crew in various scenarios only found at Burger King, from subpar food to unsanitary eating environments.
Welcome to EVERY BURGER KING EVER, where you can have it your way— but only if it’s on the menu.
- Noah Grossman as himself
- Damien Haas as himself
- Ian Hecox as himself and a police officer
- Keith Leak Jr. as himself
- Courtney Miller as herself
- Olivia Sui as herself
- Shayne Topp as himself and The Burger King
- Director: Ryan Todd
- Writers: Ryan Finnerty and Monica Vasandani
- Production Manager: Margo McHugh
- Editor: Mike Small
- Art Director: Steven Cirocco
- Community Manager: Cece Wrenn
- It/Equipment Manager: Tim Baker
- Executive Assistant: Nancy Azcona
- Props/Stage Coordinator: Yasmeen Mughal
- DP: Mitch Anderson
- Camera Operator: Brennan Iketani
- Gaffer: Billy Yates
- Key Grip: Justin Thatcher
- Sound Operator: Greg Jones
- Makeup: Rachel Jenkins
- Costumer: Jennifer Newman
- Set Decorator: Tayler Nicholson
- Script Supervisor: Merina Seidel
- Carpenter: Phil Huertas
- Digital Imaging Technician: Matt Duran
|Courtney asks Shayne if he can get started on putting fries in the fryer. Shayne asks if chicken of regular fries and Courtney answers regular. Shayne accepts and puts a bag of fry-shaped styrofoam into the fryer as they nod and smile at each other, implying that this is not out of the ordinary.|
|A crossdressed Keith greets Noah to Burger King and confirms that customers can "have it your way!". Noah asks for a Whopper with mushrooms, Whopper as a lettuce wrap, or a chili cheeseburger, all of which are denied. Fed up, Noah asks what he can get. Keith explains that he can get anything on the menu as described in their description. Noah asks for a simple "Bacon King" and screams in frustration when Keith explains that they are out of bacon.|
|Keith and Damien sit to eat when Keith immediately notices how sticky the booth is. They try to sit up to move tables when find that they are stuck to the seat, at which point they notice Noah, who has been stuck to the (rather filthy) floor for as long as he can remember. At Noah's request, Damien grabs a few fries and rings them out as Noah laps up the grease on his face.|
|Ian has gotten his girlfriend Olivia a Burger King gift card for her birthday, knowing how much she loves fast food. Olivia's face starts to tear up as she asks if he is breaking up with her. A puzzled Ian pauses before answering "I guess so...". He walks away, still visibly puzzled and reflecting on what just happened.|
|The Burger King is asked what he would like for his last meal. Much to the policeman's surprise, the King requests a Big Mac from McDonald's. The King explains that he actually wants to enjoy his last meal and requests a couple of Jack in the Box tacos in addition.|
|Keith (as a grandfather) asks Shayne if Burger King has a place for his grandkids to play, similar to a McDonald's PlayPlace. Shayne recommends the empty parking lot, which is better than a PlayPlace because kids can use their imagination and it is literally always empty.|
|Courtney sits down to enjoy her meal when she notices a single onion ring in her fries. Delighted, she puts the "little onion treasure" in her mouth and immediately recoils in disgust and spits the onion ring on the floor. It lands next to Noah, who is still stuck to the floor, who is relieved to see sustenance and reaches for it with his tongue and starts to sob when this fails.|
|Noah is still trying to order his food and declines the chicken fries. Keith offers chicken rings, chicken pies, or a chicken shake. Noah asks if they sell any self-respect, which he is out of. Keith answers that he is as well, and the two stare off in the distance in depressing silence.|
|Ian shows new employee Noah the "Burger King Machine", a microwave that can turn an item from another fast-food chain into the machine and it is turned into a slightly worse version of itself, such as a Big Mac into a Whopper. An impressed Noah grabs the Whopper and puts it in the machine as Ian screams in protest, and out comes two whoppers. As Ian explains, the only thing worse than one Whopper is two.|
- Courtney meant to say chicken fries, prompting Shayne to dump the fried styrofoam fries on the ground.
- The cast and crew present are laughing. It is pointed out that Tayler, their set decorator, will have to clean Shayne's mess up.
- Olivia cries and sniffs the Burger King gift card, saying to herself that "it still smells like him".
- The Burger King wants the entire menu at Long John Silver's. At the policeman's suggestion of Arby's, the King sardonically requests beef that has been sitting out for twenty years.
- The King removes his mask to reveal Shayne.
- Courtney struggles to spit out her onion ring.
- Noah is in great pleasure as grease is dripped onto his face.
- Damien: "Every Burger King Ever."
- Ian: "Your grace, the chicken fries have fallen." Damien: "I figured they would."
- Shayne: "BK Kids! It's in the game!"
- Damien: "I found a sesame seed on my burger and I demand to know who's responsible."
- Shayne: "But what about a Burger Queen?"
- Damien: "Hi, I'd like a Frosty — oh, God, okay, sorry, hi, I'd like a McFlurry — oh, sorry, um, hey, I'd like a, uh, Blizzard... oh, sorry, I —"
- Shayne: "Hi, can you just kiss me tenderly? Chicken tenderly!"
- Damien: "Hi, you asked for a manager, also known as Burger Duke..."
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