- "Part of a balanced breakfast!"
- —Dumpster Wizard as part of his jingle[src]
Dumpster Wizard is a character played by Shayne Topp. The persona of Dumpster Wizard was originally a skit he performed in an episode of Try Not To Laugh Challenge before making his first main channel appearance in Courtney Makes Ian & Damien Go To Therapy.
Shayne was the second to try to make Olivia laugh. All he did was walk out from behind her with a crazy eye that made others in the room laugh. When he started to play his panflute, Olivia immediately spat out her water. A surprised Shayne saved the skit for the next person up, guest star Chrish Guerra.
During Shayne's turn to make Chrish laugh, Dumpster Wizard greeted him as a weary traveler looking to enter the "Cave of Terror". He warns Chrish that he has seen many a traveler enter and none return and proceeds to list what lies within, including a plethora of booby traps, traps that resemble "boobies", a mirror that only shows a reflection of Topanga Lawrence from Boy Meets World, and an opinionated, mildly Republican ogre. When Chrish failed to spit out his water, Shayne tried to make a penis joke, but ultimately failed to make him laugh.
Dumpster Wizard later appeared during Courtney's turn. He entered and played his panflute and greeted her as a traveler looking to enter Dave & Buster's, which he has seen many enter and none come out. He then lists what lies within, including cheap bear and chicken wings, "sh*tty" Mario Kart, and a lady in jean shorts and flip-flops named Tammy "who keeps giving you eyes". Unlike Chrish, Courtney spat out her water in laughter.
Dumpster Wizard appeared a last time during the episode during Ian's turn. He greeted Ian as his doctor and presented himself for his prostate exam while playing his panflute. Dumpster Wizard warns Ian that he has seen many a traveler enter his anus, but none return, which makes Ian spit out his water after visible difficulty containing himself.
When it was time for the cast to try and make Shayne laugh, Olivia dressed up as Dumpster Wizard. She introduced herself as Thomas Jefferson and welcomed him to Chili's. While Shayne was having trouble keeping himself from laughing, Olivia played the panflute to a beat from a keyboard and tried singing in the old, eccentric voice. Ultimately, however, she failed to make him laugh.
All of Shayne's performances of Dumpster Wizard (excluding the one that failed to make Chrish laugh) were included in this compilation.
While Ian and Damien were waiting to see Dr. Dilf for a therapy session, they were joined by Dumpster Wizard, who seemingly teleported between them. He warned the two that he has seen many enter and none return, to their confusion. They move to sit in a different part of the room, but look back to see the old man gone. Dumpster Wizard appears between them again and warns the two that their pride will be their downfall. Ian tries reasoning with the old man and offers him something to drink, but an unresponsive Dumpster Wizard seems to freeze up before appearing beside Damien and ranting about his past, claiming that his face is screwed up because a wolverine had latched itself to his face and took twelve hours to remove it, followed by a stroke.
Ian tries to get the attention of Dr. Dilf, but the therapist's voice turns into that of Dumpster Wizard. As Ian and Damien try to make a run for it, Dumpster Wizard appears in front of them and claims that they cannot leave. He tries tempting them with pictures of hamsters in tuxedos, which momentarily gets to Ian, but Damien grabs him and two try hiding in a bathroom. This does not work, as Dumpster Wizard tries rattling the door before appearing between them again. Dumpster Wizard seemingly teleports them into a jail cell. He gleefully informs the two that they are now stuck there forever, cackling and playing his panflute as he leaves.
Ian and Damien admit faults and regrets to each other and hug and reappear in the waiting room, where Dr. Dilf claims that they were only having a panic attack and that the wizard was simply someone who lives in a nearby dumpster. As Damien and Ian refuse therapy and leave, Dr. Dilf considers them cured and thanks Dumpster Wizard as the wizard's jingle plays.
As Ian and Keith stare at a bowl of jungle juice in disgust, Keith wonders who came up with the idea, and from behind appears Dumpster Wizard. The wizard claims that in 1979 in the jungles of Madison, Wisconsin, he and his fraternity brothers were throwing the first fraternity party of the year. However, as guests were arriving, they realized that their bartender had died. Because they had no idea how to mix a cocktail, they dumped all of the liquor and mixers they could find into a bucket and dubbed it "jungle juice". Unfortunately, not only did it have a taste comparable to bleach and vomit, the mix ended up hospitalizing 140 students, including the wizard himself.
Dumpster Wizard then asks if either of them could provide him a ride to the train station, but Keith and Ian, disturbed, decline and back out of the room, claiming to be too drunk to drive. Dumpster Wizard laments how he will remain there for another forty years when Courtney arrives for some jungle juice, prompting the wizard to tell of another life tale, this one set in 1922, when Leave It to Beaver was popular.
- During the blooper reel of Courtney Makes Ian & Damien Go To Therapy, Dumpster Wizard makes more outlandish claims about his life, including:
- Shayne made a reference to Dumpster Wizard during OUR FAVORITE SUMMER GAMES MOMENTS; when asked to correct his chosen Southern accent into an "apocalyptic" accent, he began to speak using Dumpster Wizard's voice and facial expressions, claiming that that was how people in the Apocalypse would sound.