ANNOUNCER
Hey, slagger! Do you want to go to SUMMER CAMP?
BILLY HAMBURGER
Yeah!
ANNOUNCER
For one day, all by yourself in a swanky little van!
BILLY'S MOM
Wait, that doesn't sound very safe....
ANNOUNCER
It's cheap as hell!
BILLY'S MOM
Okay! (throws Billy outside)
(Camp In A Van theme music plays)
BILLY
Is this the van that takes me to camp?
ANNOUNCER
Of course it isn't, sport - this is the camp!
BILLY
AARRRUUUGGGHHHH!!!!
ROBERT
Hi, I'm Camp Counselor Robert. You ready to have some fun?
ANNOUNCER
At Camp in a Van, you`ll make all sorts of new friends, like Bobby.
BILLY
I don`t know that man.
BOBBY
Hey Billy! It's me your best friend. I hear you like video games and your mother is a...nurse and your father is... dead.
(somber music starts)
BOBBY
Sorry, kid.
ANNOUNCER
Engage in your favorite summertime activites like... swimming lessons.
ROBERT
You're swimming, Billy!
ANNOUNCER
Sailing
BILLY
Ahhh!
ANNOUNCER
Campfire Songs
(All start coughing)
ANNOUNCER
Horseback riding
BILLY
Ahhh!
ANNOUNCER
Arts & Crafts
BILLY
What does it mean?
ROBERT
It means you've killed someone on the inside.
BILLY
...inside the van?
(Billy looks over to see Bobby dead and a knife in his hand)
BILLY
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
ANNOUNCER
Making out with your summertime crush, Dolores.
DOLORES
Call the police
BILLY
I can't, he hid my phone in his no-no place.
ROBERT
Alright now kiss you two lovebirds.
BILLY: What I don't even know her!
ROBERT: Shut up you're in love!
BILLY and DOLORES: No no
(Police sirens start going off)
ROBERT: Uh.. look at the time.. uh.. I guess I'll see you next summer Billy.
(throws Billy, Dolores and Bobby's body out the back of the van and drives off)
BILLY and DOLORES: Ahhh
BILLY: Wait, this isn't my house; where the heck are we!?
Hispanic Gangster #1: Hey where you from ese?
Billy: Uh no no
(Sees Billy's tattoo on his eye)
Hispanic Gangster #1: Wait speedy, he's been inside. Aye respect.
(checks out Dolores)
Hispanic Gangster #1: Hasta luego chica
Dolores: Hola biblioteca