CLASH OF CLANS (Honest Game Trailers)
CLASH OF CLANS is the thirty-sixth Honest Game Trailer on Smosh Games.
Script[]
From... Sup-erc-ell? developers of the Clash of Clans ripoff with army soldiers and the Clash of Clans ripoff with... chickens, comes the cancerous mobile game built on grinding, OCD and stealing your parents credit card (a girl is trying to break her iPad with a baseball bat): Clash of Clans.
Prepare for everything wrong with the game industry in one convenient location, that would cost over twelve thousand dollars to fully unlock from Day 1. And by Day 1, I mean Day 2860 because that's how long you have to wait for everything to finish building. You pathetic fu****g sucker!, I mean: loyal paying customer?
Build a fearsome army and crush your enemies with all the strategy and skill of choosing where to tap. And protect your village with the same tower defense principal you've been bored of since the 90's. In the almost hands off experience that's all about the timing, as in, timing your entire life around it whether you're: harvesting your magical purple jizz every few hours, keeping your builders active in the middle of the night, or building an automated Lego robot arm to keep you from ever logging off.
It's a 24/7 commitment that will slowly become the only reason your phone notifies you anymore. Get trapped in the endless cycle of upgrading your base with the spoils of war, which you'll spend on upgrading your town hall, which unlocks a new layer of upgrades, which requires an upgrade to your resource storage, which let you save up enough to upgrade your town hall, which unlocks another layer of upgrades and so on until you're stocked on a time-sucking treadmill that who'll have you begging for the sweet release of death.
But it's not about the gameplay, because Lord knows there isn't much of that. It's about making friends through joining a clan, who will would kick you out if you don't help out enough. But before you know it, you'll be one of Clash's top users like: the 7 year olds who spent 3 grand of their parents money, the Kansas City Royals when they're in the middle of a losing streak, this paedophile, and former top player George Yao who would bring 5 iPads into the shower with him so he'd never have to stop playing. See kids? This is what a winner looks like!
Tell yourself you aren't addicted then stay logged on until the game literally forces you to stop. And tell yourself you won't spend any money to get ahead, then realize you're full of s**t because how else could they afford Liam Neeson?
Liam Neeson: I can't wait to destroy your village, but you beg for mercy. But, you will get no mercy.
So get hooked on the game that's more harmful to young people than GTA, ManHunt and Postal combined but will all be worth it once I finally upgraded Town Hall 9 (the game shows the upgrade time will be 10 days). 10 days?! Oh f**k this! I'm out!
Starring... (The narrator hesitates angrily) Yeah, you know what? I'm done giving this game any more free press.
Starring, these way better 5 dollar and under mobile games that aren't ruining everything: Calculords, Super Brothers Sword & Sorcery, Monument Valley, Hitman GO, Organ Trail, Ridiculous Fishing, Canabalt, Van Glory and taking 5 bucks out of your pocket, putting it on the ground and setting it on fire!
Klu Klux Klash of Klans: I mean, come on. You're joining a clan of blonde haired blue eyed Vikings who attack big nose creatures who love gold? It's really f***ed up!