This article is about the character. For the Smosh video, see Boxman (video) Boxman is a recurring character on Smosh and the main protagonist of his own series of music videos. He is played by Ian Hecox and voiced by Anthony Padilla.
- 1 Character
- 2 History
- 3 Appearances
- 4 Gallery
- 5 Trivia
- 6 References
Boxman is a regular man with the torso and head of made of a cardboard box. His eyes and mouth are drawn on the box with a black marker, and other pieces of cardboard are tapes on to change his facial expressions when needed. The box itself contains a large flap that extends down the back and a large hole on the bottom of the front side that the actor can see out of. He typically wears a light brown short-sleeved shirt and blue jeans.
When Boxman was running for president in 2008, he also sported a red tie that extended from his cardboard "chin".
When Boxman was part of a gang, he sported a purple bandana around his head.
"Boxman Dance Time"
"Boxman Dance Time" is a segment in "Boxman for President" and "Boxman's Girlfriend". It starts with Boxman dancing alone, but after 15-30 seconds, 2 more dancers join. 30 seconds later, even more dancers dance with Boxman. It was mentioned in "Boxman 2.0" that Boxman abandoned the segment in his rebranding as, according to him, it "won't get [him] laid".
- "So let me tell you how this all came to be. I'm doin' this here rap for you, see? So, all you kids, don't mess up like me, and be disowned by your family."
- —Boxman about to detail his backstory.[src]
Boxman's first appearance details his origin story: He was relaxing at home, eating a bowl of Raisin Bran, when he decided that he needed to get a tan. For whatever reason, he grabbed a pair of scissors on his way out, but in his haste to get outside, slipped and fell down the stairs, impaling the scissors in his face. He ran outside to find help, only to be repeatedly ran over at least eight times by two different cars, knocking him out.
Boxman later awoke in an unfamiliar location, next to the Dirty Bum, who explained that he found him on the road, near death, so he "fix[ed]" his head and torso. Because he did not have human parts, however, he had to use cardboard parts instead. The news of this was so overwhelming to Boxman that he fled the area. He eventually slowed to a walk and trekked on.
In time, Boxman become used to life as half-man, half-box. He has been ignored and rejected by society, especially by women and storefronts that post "NO BOXES!" signs on their windows. However, he is able to fly by plane for free by disguising himself as cargo.
- "My faith in my family's been rebuilt; at least they won't try to get me killed."
- —Boxman's Christmas lesson.[src]
Boxman sings about his distaste for Christmas in his experiences as a half-box, half-man, deciding that it would be best for him to retreat to the mountains to get away from the holiday. As he sings, he explains that his contempt for Christmas stems from a year prior, when his family visited under the guise of friendliness, but instead all gave him presents intended to mock him. For example, his brother gave him a lighter and a note that told Boxman to "kill [him]self".
When Boxman reaches his destination up in the mountains, he has fun by himself, dancing, sledding, and carving his name with his urine in the snow. At some point, he encounters a box-hating couple, initially playfully throwing a snowball at the girl, but accidentally seems to knocks her out with it. The guy grabs his baseball bat and runs at a shocked Boxman and demands to know why he hit his girlfriend, sarcastically asking if he wants to get pummelled. Boxman explains that he was only having fun and, upon noticing the bat, pulls out a gun. The girlfriend comes to and breaks up the confrontation and offers sex to both the guy and Boxman to settle the feud, which Boxman initially accepts until he notices the shirts the couple are wearing read "I HATE BOXES".
The couple pull box cutters on Boxman, who is backing away slowly as they approach. The guy explains that their families were killed in a box factory and he will take his revenge out on Boxman. Boxman points behind him and claims to see Bruce Lee, distracting them long enough to allow Boxman to flee. As the box-hating couple tries to chase him, he takes off in his car and returns home.
Boxman figures that, although his family is mean, at least they would not try to kill him. At that moment, Boxman's family all comes outside to greet and hug him. While they hug, his brother pulls out a lighter.
- "The north to the south to the east to the west. America will look like less of a mess."
- —Boxman on his potential presidency.[src]
Boxman is running for president of the United States in the 2008 presidential election. He promises to fix America into "less of a mess" and goes on to insult John McCain and Barack Obama and explain why they are inferior candidates to him. He describes McCain as a old, bald, bad-smelling, bad-mannered crackhead with a hairy back and Obama as an overweight man with foul armpits who is brothers with Osama bin Laden and slept with his mother. After a brief dance segment with the Gangstas, Billy Hamburger, Batman, and two other characters, Boxman asks viewers to vote for him, promising free healthcare, to fix the economy, and to implement a new warfare policy to simply nuke every nation that stands in his way, and redirecting money away from things like education and transportation and instead fund the "eradication of constipation". At the end of the video, he introduces his Vice President: David Hasselhoff.
- "What's wrong with you, man? It's the twenty-first century! Why you gotta go and act so elementary? I'm human inside, although it doesn't go. Come on, baby, let's go."
- —Boxman standing up for himself and his new girlfriend.
Boxman encountered a girl (who bears a strong resemblance to Antoinette Padilla) who "made [his] heart explode", but has trouble talking to her. As shown in a series of brief flashbacks, he has tried to get her attention and impress her by lifting weights in the park and sweeping his rooftop in view of her while she jogs. What does finally get her attention, however, is another round of "Boxman Dance Time", featuring the Gangstas, Benny Jean, Cletus, Gary Brolsma, and Frankie Rogers. Soon after, Boxman works up the courage to ask her out properly, but fumbles it up and accidentally urinates in his pants, but he works through it and she accepts his date proposal. After frolicking together in the park and cloudspotting (even seeing a cloud that strongly resembles Dr. Phil), the two walk together to Outback Steakhouse.
While Boxman and his girlfriend are enjoying their date, Ian appears and cockily asks the girlfriend why she is dating a box, which is frowned upon, before turning to Boxman threatens to have him arrested, because, as he puts it, "humans and boxes just don't intertwine". Boxman chastises Ian for his archaic views, mentioning that he is still human inside, as he and his girlfriend leave. As they walk home, Boxman sings about how he will not allow others to bring him down, but he has a habit of throwing boiling water in the faces of the intolerant instead of simply walking away, as clips show Boxman throwing a pot full of presumably boiling water onto an unsuspecting Ian and kicking him while he writhes in pain. Ian's vocals reveal that, because of this, he is wanted for attempted murder.
Later, Boxman and his girlfriend drive to the beach and continue their frolicking and playing. At one point, they are playing catch with a football before Boxman playfully charges into his girlfriend, knocking the both of them over. When they stand up, Boxman is shocked to find out that he is holding his girlfriend's wig, revealing her to actually be a man.
Boxman is sitting with his campaign staff when he is informed both that he lost and that the winner, Barack Obama, wants to speak to him via phone call. Obama tries to congratulate Boxman on a good race, but Boxman angrily interrupts him and tries to mock him by calling him "Barack Sallama" ("Barack's a llama"), but this only confuses the president. Boxman throws the phone away in anger, but accidentally impales his running mate David Hasselhoff, who collapses to the floor in pain. As Boxman laments how things could possibly get worse, he is informed that "the mac and cheese factory" has "blow[n] up".
- "Out with the old box, in with the new!"
- —Boxman on his rebranding.[src]
Boxman sings about being helpful, such as returning a man's toupee, and fun activities, such as dancing on a beautiful, sunny day, but he is interrupted by his "producer" to "sing something better", as no one wants to him sing about "girly" subjects. In response, Boxman rebrands himself as a far more edgy singer and rapper, abandoning his old, friendlier self in favor of a much more mean and hostile personality, which he compares to Sue Sylvester from Glee. In his effort to rebrand himself, he combines the Crips and Bloods into his own purple-themed gang, but eventually has second thoughts when his gangmates discover his "girly" hobbies and see his "box-butt" when he forgot to wear underpants. At that moment, a policeman enters the house and points a gun at the room of gang members. Boxman uses this opportunity to leave, claiming to have nothing to do with the gang.
Boxman finds himself homeless, living in another box as a result of his attempts to gain a reputation in the music industry. He decides that he does not care what others think of him and proceeds to let himself loose, skipping around, humping objects, and feeling joy instead of angst. He eventually returns to the recording studio and, when his producer verbally reprimands him, Boxman kicks him in the testicles.
Boxman briefly appears in a series of brief shots of Ian and Anthony's new reality show Our Smoshy Life. Specifically, he appears to be dancing inside the Smosh House by waving his arms around while Anthony films.
Boxman is holding the clapperboard for Seymour Tantz's new action movie, starring Edward Kenway. Sharon Hecox and That Damn Neighbor also work in the film's crew as the boom operator and cameraman, respectively.
Boxman made a brief appearance after "HANGMAN" when host Joe Bereta mentions that he was able to make it to the show, in addition to Stevie. Boxman stands up and Joe encourages the audience to say "Hi, Boxman!", but Boxman only shyly waves back, even after encouragement from Joe. Joe reminds the audience that, because Boxman is a box, he cannot talk much. When Joe turns back to the camera to continue, Boxman remains standing for a few seconds before quietly sitting back down.
- "Boxman! I'm a ghost!"
- —Anthony to Boxman.[src]
In the segment "What If The New Smosh Movie Were Written By Us In 2006?", an alternate take on Smosh's 2016 film Ghostmates is portrayed, had it been written by Ian and Anthony in 2006. In the segment, Anthony runs up to an unmoving Boxman and awkwardly tells him that he is a ghost. Sergeant Anous appears from behind, calls Anthony's claim of being a ghost "bullshit!", and shoots him to death.
|-||"Boxman Loses the Election"|
|"*NEW* Smosh Reality TV Show!"|
|"HOLY CRAP! 2 BILLION VIEWS!"|
|"SMOSH LIVE (FULL VIDEO)"|
|"WHAT IF THE NEW SMOSH MOVIE..."|
- Boxman makes an appearance in Super Head Esploder-X. Boxmen only appear as enemies.
- Boxman mentions in "Boxman 2.0" that he dropped the "Boxman Dance Time" segment from "Boxman for President" and "Boxman's Girlfriend" because it would not help him "get laid", despite the fact that the segment's latter appearance is what got his girlfriend's attention in the first place.