You thought it would be easy to turn Batman into a cool video game. (clips of various Batman games are shown. Those games are Batman 1986, Batman Forever, Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, and finally Batman Vengeance) For 20 years, you were wrong. Now, revisit the 2009 sensation that made everyone say, "See? Now this is how you make a f***ing Batman game!" Arkham Asylum.
Enter the upside-down world of gaming where for the last six years, DC has been awesome while Marvel scrambles to get their shit together. (A clip of Marvel Avengers: Battle for Earth being played by Joven and Ian is shown) Batman is finally here to kick some ass and drive the Batmobile. (Clip of Batman: Arkham Knight is shown)
Ian: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!
But since the Batmobile won't be playable for about three more sequels, he's really just here to kick some ass.
Dive straight into doing all your favorite Bat stuff like Bat-face kicking, Bat-thug bowling, and fun filled piggy-Bat rides. (Clip of Batman riding on a Titan) Whee, I am the night! Hee hee hee! Enjoy the addictive free-flowing combat inspired by the Taken school of beating up goons that kind of feels like you're breaking Batman's no killing rule. (Batman pulls a goon up and then punches him in the face) That's gonna leave a mark...
It's you against the world as Batman is trapped on the island with nothing to help him except a million different gadgets, a network of Batman-sized ventilation shafts, conveniently placed interior gargoyles, a direct line to his sidekick Oracle with a vast array of hacking skills...
Oracle: I rerouted a WayneTech satellite to show thermal scans on the island.
And a second Batcave?! Come on!
Soak in the beautiful graphics that make Batman's world come to life in rich detail, then ignore them as you spend half the game in Detective Mode, a spooky skeleton Instagram filter that's more overpowered than Sherlock. (an episode of Sherlock is shown) But still more realistic than Assassin's Creed. (Clip of Eagle Vision being used in Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag) How?
Explore the mysterious Arkham Asylum where comic book logic demands every villain be held in the same convenient location, and in the least shocking turn of events, watch as the Joker handing himself over to police turns out to be a trick, *gasp!* trapping Batman inside the prison for a series of epic boss battles like: Killer Croc's high stakes game of Marco Polo, Scarecrow's really bad salvia trip, or the time Joker takes a bunch of steroids that turns him into a giant monster Joker, then makes you fight henchmen. Okay, that one sucks.
Play through a game that's still super fun to play, inspiring great prequels like Arkham Origins and Shadow of Mordor, in the first game to do the awesomeness of Batman justice. Except for collecting all the Riddler trophies. F*** those things!
Goof Skywalker (Joker), I'm the Juggercroc, bitch! (Killer Croc), Bane Train Woo Woo!, Twiggy Izalea (Poison Ivy), Insane Clown P***y (Harley Quinn), Edward Spookyhands (Scarecrow), and the Best Batman Voice (Ever).
Batman: (voiced by Kevin Conroy) You need to stop this now.
(Clip of American Psycho)
Sorry, Christian Bale.
(Clip from The Dark Knight Rises)
Batman: (played by Christian Bale) You'd never give it to an ordinary citizen!
Man, Warner Bros. really knows how to make a great comic book game. (Clip from Superman 64) Uh, well, this decade at least.