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Banjo-Kazooie is the 58th Honest Game Trailer.

Script

From the developers of practically nothing worthwhile since 2002 (Rare) comes the platformer that's probably the best thing in Rare replay since it doesn't have Goldeneye or Donkey Kong: Banjo-Kazooie.

Enter the whimsical world of Spiral Mountain and take on the role of Banjo, a half-bear, half-man crime against nature, with a bird slave who lives in his backpack (Kazooie). Ride along as they must save his hot sister (Tooty) from having her hotness stolen by an ugly witch (Gruntilda), which is wrong on, like, so many different levels.

Step into the shoes of Nintendo's third-tier mascots in the N64's other great 3-D platformer, rendered in cutting-edge N64 graphics that look like pixelated garbage on an HD TV, and experience the franchise that was almost great, with a sequel that delivered more of everything you loved (Banjo-Tooie), a sequel where they trolled their fans by making a weird vehicle-building game? (Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts)...some Game Boy Advance shovelware (Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge), and the Kickstarter sequel Banjo-Threeie: Don't Sue Us Edition (Yooka-Laylee). Really? This is what we have to do to get some good games now, Kickstarter? Ugh.

Ride along with lovable protagonist and Goofy impersonator Banjo, and Kazooie, a bird who fights by firing her unborn children at her enemies. Then get ready to take the fight straight to the Wicked Witch of the West (Gruntilda) by beating up anything you can slap a pair of googly-eyes on. Gear up for hours of old-school platforming greatness, alongside terrible camera angles and awful animal noises. Then take on new challenges by transforming into different forms, like an ant, an alligator, and a sad washing machine, as you use your new powers to open up new worlds to explore, until your journey culminates in a trivia battle that challenges you to remember pointless sh** about the game that you weren't even paying attention to in the first place! Argh!

Prepare to indulge your OCD as you scour every corner of the level for every musical note, feather, egg, jigsaw piece, Mumbo skull, whatever the f*** this is (honeycomb), yourself (extra lives), and colorful flying dwarfs?...until you fill the gnawing emptiness that consumes you.

So experience the gameplay that some say was as good as Mario 64, featuring a hero saving a young girl who is kidnapped by an evil green monster, butt-slamming, levels that you return to several times to collect shiny gold things, a hub world full of doors to new levels that require a certain amount of shiny gold things to unlock, and a final boss that hides at the top of a castle. (clips from both Banjo-Kazooie and Mario 64 are shown during this description) Okay, it basically just is Mario 64. Mama mia!

Starring Deliverance (Banjo), Jansport (Kazooie), Mr. Resetti (Bottles), Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n Flutey (Tooty), Wicked (Gruntilda), Mrs. Doubtfire (Brentilda), and...ah, not gonna touch that one (Mumbo Jumbo).

Yooka-Laylee 64.

Just remember, if you mom had bought you a PlayStation, you could've had Metal Gear Solid instead of this bullcrap.

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