Anime Voice Swap/Script

In the house

ANTHONY

(reads the prescription) Okay, so the directions say that you should take...

IAN 

Yeah, yeah, whatever. (takes the pills and swallows almost all of them)

ANTHONY

(takes back the container) Great, you only left me like, (spills the rest of the pills) two pills.

IAN

Well I guess uh, one of us is going to have a way cooler voice for the audition then. (lies down)

(Anthony swallows the last two pills)

At Fanimétion

(The Translator bows, Anthony bows back and Ian curtsies)

executive

長い間、バフハンサムの声を探してた. そしてお前たちは誰だ？ (Nagaiai, bafuhansamu no koe o sagashi teta. Soshite omaetachi wa dareda?)

translator

I've been searching long and hard for someone to voice the hero, Baffu Hansamu, for my new anime. And who might you be?

Ian

(talks with a girly voice)

Hi, my name is Ian andWhat the f***ing frick?! No! (runs away crying)

executive

<p style="text-align:center;">(laughs) ハッハッハ、あんな可愛い声聞いたことねーぞ. (Hahhahha, an'na kawaii koe kiita koto ne ̄ zo.)

translator: Wow! I never heard of a full grown man having such of a Kawaii-girl voice.

executive: お前誰だ？ (Omae dareda?)

translator: And who might you be?

Anthony: (talks with a manly voice) Uh, hi, I'm Anthony andHoly smokes, I sound like the sexiest, strongest, buffest, blackest man on earth. Uh, ex-excuse me for a moment, kind sirs.

Somewhere else in the studio

Ian: (tries to hide himself while whining) Life is ruined! This is my dream and my greed is destroyed and I am so sad!

Anthony: (finds Ian) You don't sound sad.

Ian: Can't you see I'm crying tears of sadness? My heart feels like it's gonna shrivel up and fall out of my anus. I just wanna die! (whines with his eyes closed for a few seconds)

Anthony: Okay, you can shut the hell up now.

Back in the auditioning room

(Ian and Anthony return)

Executive: 戻ってきてありがとう. ちょっと違うアニメからのセリフを言ってくれるかな. (Modotte kite arigatō. Chotto chigau anime kara no serifu o itte kureru ka na.)

translator: Happy to have both of you boys back. To get an idea of your acting ability, I'm gonna have you read some famous lines from other animes.

Sometime later

(Anthony does Kira's laugh from Death Note which the executive approves)

Sometime later

(Ian does Kira's laugh which the executive found awkward)

Ian: That's right, I am Kira!

(the executive starts writing down notes)

translator: I am writing down notes.

Sometime later

(Ian tries to pick up a rock to help out Anthony)

Anthony: The titans are coming in. Eren, take Mikasa and run.

Ian: I will carry you and run. (struggles himself on lifting a rock)

Anthony: Please, just listen to what I say for once, just one last tiiiiiime. (acts his death)

Ian: Noooooooooo!

(the executive writes down notes)

translator: I am writing down notes.

executive: 私の行動を解釈する必要はありませんあなたバカ. (Watashi no kōdō o kaishaku suru hitsuyō wa arimasen anata baka.)

translator: You don't have to translate my actions you idiot.

executive: ちょ、うるせーってばバカ. だからバカって言ってんでしょーが. (Cho, uru se ̄ tteba baka. Dakara baka tte itte ndesho ̄ ga.)

translator: You also don't have to translate whatever I say directly to you.

executive: 神聖なたわごとは、あなたは本当にばかな ！ (Shinseina tawagoto wa, anata wa hontōni bakana!)

translator: Holy s**t, you're really dumb!

(the executive writes down notes)

translator: I'm taking notes again.

executive: ダメダメ全部ダメ~ ！ (Damedame zenbu dame ~!)

(the translator screams and then gets beaten to the pulp by the executive)

Sometime later

translator: (is seen with a bruise near his eye) Now we'll have you read lines from our totally new original show, Attack on Sailor Death Ball Z: Bebop Alchemist.

Ian: What?! You guys just took all of the names of the popular animes and just mashed...