STUCK IN A TOILET!/Script

Anthony: So, what do you think about my Awesome Shirt?

Ian: It looks like scheiße.

Anthony: What?

Ian: Nothing, I'm just been trying to learn German.

Anthony: Are you seriously trying to prepare for Nazi Zombies again?

Ian: No.

Anthony: Whatever man, could you just pull over to the next bathroom? My bladder is seriously about to explode.

Ian: Just use a bottle.

Anthony: (looking at the bottles) They're all full.

Ian: Fine.

(As soon as Anthony leaves, Ian puts on an German audio learning tool on his iPod. Anthony walks over to the porta-potty when he reads the sign that says that the door can't be opened from the inside if it closes, then he finds the nearest rock and uses it as a door stop and starts peeing)

Audio learn tool: Common German phrases, part 3. Let's begin. I like wearing lederhosen (German voice of "I like wearing lederhosen")

Ian: (Repeats the German voice of "I like wearing lederhosen")

Audio learning tool: Very good.

(As Anthony sighs, the door closes. Anthony tries to get out but appears to be stuck by his penis)

Anthony: No, no no no no no no no. Help! Ian, I'm stuck. Ahhhhh. (pulling the door at the same time)

Audio learning tool: How about this phrase you stupid American: "I just pooped my lederhosen" (German voice of "I just pooped my lederhosen")

Ian : (Repeats the German voice of "I just pooped my lederhosen")

Audio learning tool: Very good.

(Grunting, Anthony tries to open the door but impossible)

Anthony: Hope someone will check on me sometime.

(Anthony lies down when grunting then falls asleep)

(127 hours later)

Anhony: Oh, god, I'm so hungry (then he gets up and sees a cheeseburger)

Heaven voice: Cheeseburger

(Anthony tries to get the cheeseburger but can't, then he finds a pocket knife in his pocket, but decides against using it, after that, he gets his iPhone)

Anthony: I guess it's time I say my goodbyes. Hey mom, I guess this is it. Oh, god, I hate it when people record vertically. (rotates his iPhone) Hi mom, I guess this is it. Hi dad, I'm sorry I never mowed the lawn. Hey, Ian, thanks for getting me killed. Yeah, you're a really great friend. Oh, and to the lady at the Burger King, I know I asked for a water cup but I filled it with Sprite.

(Anthony's iPhone ringtone)

Anthony: Dude, Ian, make it quick, I'm in the middle of recording my goodbyes.

Ian: Hurry the hell up man, you took so long that now I have to take a scheiße.

Anthony: What? Dude I can't hear you? What?

Ian: Hello? Anthony? Anthony? Can-can you hear me?

(Anthony's iPhone runs out of battery)

Anthony: Great. Oh, I guess I should have told I was trapped in here, huh. Now what?

(As Anthony sees his pocket knife, he grabs it and open the blade, then he stands up while grunting)

Anthony: It can't. If James Franco can do it, anyone can.

(Screaming, Anthony cuts out his shirt)

Anthony: God, why? (he cuts out his shirt) Now it's ruined. (He punches the roof, and then cuts a hole on the roof and takes the cheeseburger with him and eats it)

(Opening the car door) Ian: Oh, I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

Anthony: Why?

Ian: Well, you know how I said I had to use the bathroom earlier?

Anthony: Yeah?

Ian: Well, I don't have to anymore.

(Anthony looks inside the car to see that Ian pooped inside the car then closes the door in disgust)

Anthony: Oh, god, dude! (closes the door and then screams when he realizes his penis is stuck to the door)

(When Anthony is screaming) Ian: Oh, scheiße.

Alternate Ending
Ian: Just use a bottle.

Anthony: (looking at the bottles) They're all full.

Ian: Fine. Oh my god, I'm not holding the wheel! AHAHAHAHAHAH! (crashes)