IAN IS DANGEROUS!/Script

In the living room
[Anthony is playing The Legend Of Zelda on the N64]

Ian: Hey man, check out what I got! [Spins around and point his gun at Anthony, pretending to shoot him]

Anthony: [Winces and puts his hand up] Dude, don't point that at me!

Ian: What it's not like it's loaded or anything, look!

[BANG]

Ian: [amusingly] Who-ho-ho!

Anthony: [freaked out] Oh my god, dude you could've shot me we that!

Ian: Well, I didn't. So...Oh CRAP!

[Anthony's foot starts bleeding]

Anthony: ''[panicked and in pain] Oh my god, oh my god, dude make it stop bleeding! [cries]''

Ian: Okay hold on, I got a First Aid app on my phone. [pulls out his phone]

Ian: [excitedly] Oooh, an Angry Birds update!

Anthony: [angry] JUST CALL 911!!

Ian: [annoyed] Fine.

[He dials 911]

911 Lady: 911, state your emergency.

Ian: Yes, hi. My friend shot himself in the foot, and uh...we need an ambulance right away!

''[Anthony mouths "What?!" when Ian states that Anthony himself shot himself in the foot]''

911 Lady: Hold on....Oh my god. Oh my god, there's a man with a gun in here, I think we're being robbed! Quick! Call 911!

Ian: Okay! [tries to dial 911] Wait....you ARE 911!

911 Lady: [annoyed] Oh! look at you Mr. Smartypants Know-it-All! Dick! [hangs up]

Ian: [confused] She called me "Mr. Smartypants" and hung up!

Anthony: [also confused] What?

Ian: I know! I don't even look anything LIKE Mr. Smartypants!

[Shows a family picture of "The Smartipantz Family"]

Anthony: [crying more] Just make it stop bleeding, please!!

Ian: Okay, uhh, hold on!

[Ian grab a hammer and a metal stake]

Anthony: [worriedly] What are you doing...?

Ian: Okay, uhh, hold on! If I can block the hole, I can stop the bleeding.

Anthony: [scared, shakingly] I-I-I-I-I don't know about this...

[Ian whacks the stake into the bullet hole]

Anthony: [screams in pain] OH GOD IT HURTS!!!

Ian: [reassuringly] Okay, just a little bit further, I gotta get it deep in there!

[Whacks the stake once more]

Anthony: [screams] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

Ian: Okay, I just got to ram it in there a little bit harder! [About to do it once more]

Anthony: [frustrated, and grabs Ian by the shirt] '''GOD! JUST GET ME TO A DOCTOR!!'''

[Ian stares at him in confusion]

Outside the house driveway
[Ian is helping Anthony walk]

Anthony: [in pain] If I die before I get to the emergency room, I'm gonna kill you!

Ian: [confused] How is that even possible? [opens his car door]

Anthony: Wait, [shuts the car door] I'm not getting in your car!

Ian: Why not?

Anthony: It's got that stupid moustache on it! Take it off!

[cameras zooms out to show a pink moustache on Ian's car bumper]

Ian: [offended] It's an extension of Frank's personality!

Anthony: I am NOT getting in "Frank"!

Ian: [frustrated] Get inside "Frank"!

Anthony: I am NOT getting in "Frank"!

Ian: [annoyed, and sighs] Alright, you know what? Just get on my back, and I'll give you a piggyback ride there!

Anthony: [annoyed] No, that's gay!

Ian: Well, it's either that, or you stay here and die!

Anthony: [still annoyed] Fine!

[Flashback ends, Ian and Anthony is eating pizza]

Anthony: And that's is the only theoretical way I'd ever let you give me a piggyback ride.

[Ian is thinking to himself]

[Suddenly cuts to Ian giving Anthony a piggyback ride]

Anthony: YOU ACTUALLY DID IT, YOU BASTARD!!! [cries]

Ian: [excitedly] Weeeeee!

[end]