Flappy Bird Ruined My Life/Script

At the living room in early February, 2014

(Anthony is heard playing Flappy Bird)

Ian: (enters the room) Hey, you know how I've been searching for my real dad for the past eight years? Well, I think I finally found him. (looks at Anthony's game) What are you doing?

Anthony: Playing Flappy Bird (goes through his thirty-fifth pair of pipes).

Ian: That game looks dumb. I would never play th...

Sometime later

Ian: (starts playing Flappy Bird, but couldn't pass through the first pair of pipes fully) This game freaking sucks!

Anthony: Holy crap, dude. The game gets super deep once you get pass a thousand pipes; like right now, Flappy Bird's getting revenge on the hunter who killed his father.

Twenty unproductive minutes later

Anthony: (starts to cry) No, Flappy Bird has a failing heart and has only two days left to live.

Ian: Come on Ian, you could do it. You could make it through the first pipe.

Anthony: Did you just talk to yourself in third person?

Ian: No. (successfully gets his bird fully through the first pair of pipes, but falls down before going through the second pair) F**K!

Anthony: Oh, thank God. Flappy Bird's Kickstarter Fund raised enough money to buy him a new heart.

(Ian starts to question him)

Anthony: Oh um, sorry for the spoilers bro.

Twenty-three completely wasted and utterly useless minutes later

Ian: (couldn't pass through the first pair of pipes) F**k this game, I'm deleting it forever!

Anthony: Flappy Bird just found the magic stone and saved the fish people. Now the fish princess could take her rightful place on the magic throne of destiny.

Ian: (stands up and gets close to Anthony and sarcastically says) Cool! (yells) No one gives a s**t! (leaves)

Sometime later on the dining table

(Ian eats a granola bar)

Anthony: Oh thank God, his baby twin survived.

(Ian gets mad and tries to ignore Anthony)

Sometime later in the living room

Anthony: He's really a woman? That explains everything!

(Ian gets mad and tries to ignore Anthony)

In the bathroom

Anthony: I didn't know there would be a sex scene in this game.

Ian: (uncovers the shower curtains) Dude, get the hell outta here!

Anthony: Oh, it's a lesbian sex scene.

Ian: Really? (stands up)

Anthony: (covers the screen on his phone) Uh yeah but if you wanna see it, you gotta get to it yourself.

Ian: Fine! I'm gonna get to that lesbian sex scene if it's the last thing I do. (rubs his nipples full of body wash)

Sometime later in the living room

(Ian does a training montage with his thumbs while the singer sings)

Singer: He's beating that hard,

He's beating that mean.

He beating it so hard to the lesbian sex scene. He's beating that hard,

He's beating that mean.

He beating it so hard to the lesbian sex scene. (keeps on singing the same lyrics)

Ian: (grabs his phone) Let's do this! (plays Flappy Bird)

Sometime later

Ian: (got pass through a thousand pair of pipes) He got his new heart. (keeps on playing the game)

Sometime later

Ian: Whoa, fish queen.

Sometime later

Ian: Oh my god, the twins are so cute! (has his bird deliver birth to two birds)

Sometime later

Ian: (sees his bird in woman clothing) So he is a girl. Which means, lesbian sexOh my god! (sees two struggling while show off bumps in the sex scene) It's better than I imagined. Hey Anthony, I made it to the lesbian sex scene!

Anthony: Dude, whatever! No one cares about that stupid game anymore.

Ian: What? You just played it like six hours ago.

Anthony: (inhales softly and deeply) Come on man, where have you been? It's all about Rubby Bird now. (rubs his bird)

(the bird quacks)

video game narrator: Keep rubbing the bird. Good job.

Ian: Well you know what? You're just jealous 'cause I'm making it way further than you have ever been in Flappy Bird. Wait, what are those two flappy birds doing with that one cup? Oh no. No, don't do, don't do that! Oh god! (holds his vomit and rushes to the bathroom)

narrator: After word got out about the horrific final scene of Flappy Bird, the game was immediately removed from the App Store. Rest in peace, Flappy Bird. JUST KIDDING, F**K THAT GAME!

To See More and Thanks for Subscribing
Ian: To see behind the scenes footage and bloopers, click the video right over there.

Anthony: Ian, I just put my phone with Flappy Bird installed on eBay.

Ian: And to see what happens when we actually try to play Flappy Bird in real life, click the other video on the right.

Anthony: God dude, the bid's already at fifty thousand.

Ian: If you want Anthony to stop bidding on his own auction, click the subscribe button.

Anthony: Oh, my God. I'm gonna be the richest person of all time!

Ian: Dude, you know no one else is gonna bid on that and you're gonna have to pay for that yourself, right?

Anthony: Damn it!

Epilogue
(Anthony is seen lying down on the couch while still playing Rubby Bird; the bird quacks twice)

Video-game narrator: You've been rubbing the bird for twenty-nine hours straight. Keep it up.

(the bird quacks three times)