VIDEO GAME ITEMS IN REAL LIFE/Script

This is the script for VIDEO GAME ITEMS IN REAL LIFE.

Shut Up! Opening
Random man: Yeah, but did you hear that Sega Genesis has blast processing?

Ian Hecox and/or Anthony Padilla: SHUT UP!

Introduction
(It begins at Game Hole with both Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla queuing up in a long line with other people in costumes. Apparently, they were all queuing up for a popular game and it's taking very long to get to the front.)

Ian Hecox (IH) (in a Link costume): Dude, look at all of the frickin' nerds.

(The scene then jumps to inside of Game Hole.)

Anthony Padilla (AP) (in a Zelda costume): Yeah, I don't think it was a good idea for me to dress up in a Princess Zelda costume.

IH: But Dude, whatever. We get a free t-shirt if we're in costumes.

AP: Yeah, if we ever get up there.

IH: Yeah, sometimes I just wish I had the Master Sword so that I can just cut my way to the front!

AP: But then you'd go to jail for murder and you'd never even have time to play the game in the first place.

IH: True

Anthony: I, on the other hand, wish I had the Ocarina so I could play the Song of Time, go forward in time, and already have the game.

IH: Dude, how awesome would it be to have video game items in real life?

Super Mario Bros. Super Mushroom
(At a birthday party.)

Francis' Friend: Happy B-Day Francis. so what do think of the cake I made you?

Francis: Well it's nice but it's too damn small.

Francis' Friend: You ungrateful little sh*t! (uses super mushroom on the cake, which causes it to get bigger)

Francis: That's what I'm talkin' about. (he then eats the cake)

Half Life 2 Gravity Gun
(In a living room, a father can be seen sleeping while Billy Hamburger is excited.)

Billy Hamburger (BH): I'm gonna go play in the road! (giggles as he leaves)

Billy's Dad (BD): Hey, get back here! (he activates the Gravity Gun) Uhh... How do i bring you back? (accidentally launches Billy, which causes him to smash right into a painting that kills him.) Oh Well.

Saint's Row III Purple Dildo Bat
(A mom can be seen crying when her son enters his room.)

Son: What's wrong, Mom?

Mom: I found this under your bed. (shows the Purple Dildo Bat)

Son: No, no.

Mom: Are you using it?

Son: No, no, no, no, no, that's from a video game I swear.

Mom: Do not lie to me!

Son: It's from a video game!

(Suddenly, his dad entered his room.)

Dad: Uh... Honey, I think we should confiscate that for uh... "scientific purposes"?

Mom: Yeah that is what we'll do. For science.

Dad: For Science.

Mom (prepares to leave the room with the bat): Yes. Bye son. (heads to their bedroom)

Dad (follows suit): Bye. (to the Mom) Get in there!

(Once both the Mom and the Dad were inside their room, their son were staring into blankness.)

Son: I'm gonna wash out my eyes with bleach.

Portal Gun
(At a dinner scene.)

Guy In Hat: So, you wanna go back to my place and put on a documentary about the legitimate concerns about time travel?

Homeless Guy (suddenly butts in): Yeah, or we can just go make out on a dirty bus bench, and I can never call you again.

Girlfriend: That sounds a lot less boring.

Homeless Guy: Get outta here. (The boyfriend then shoots a portal up on the ceiling with his portal gun before heading into the bathroom) Have fun being single I'm getting hooked up. (to his girlfriend) I like to style like this. I go like.. (shows some tongue action)

Girlfriend: Oh, yeah.

(Suddenly, it started to rain turd, which causes both the homeless guy and the girlfriend to be disgusted.)

Homeless guy: Oh, God! OH GOD OH WHAT THE HELL! OH GOD! IT'S LIKE A DOOKIE RAIN OH SHOOT!

Super Mario Bros. Fire Flower
(At another dinner scene.)

Guy In Hat: Isn't this romantic?

Girlfriend: Maybe if that stupid candle was lit.

(Suddenly, a Fire Flower appeared and began glowing to use its powers to light the candle. However, it was too strong and it set the whole house on fire.)

Guy in Hat (running out while on fire): I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!

Mario Kart Spiny Blue Shell
(A nerd could be seen watching JOVEN GETS WAXED (Raging Bonus Video) when he suddenly typed in first in the comments section.)

Nerd: FIRST! HHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Suddenly, a Blue Shell appears which proceeds to kill the nerd. The camera then moves to reveal that it was Mario in his kart who threw the Blue Shell.)

Mario: Nobody-a f**king-a cares!

Mortal Kombat Scorpion's Rope Dart
(In the same living room from eariler.)

BD: Good thing I adopted a second kid that just so happens to look like the first.

BH Number 2: I'm gonna rub my private parts on the microwave.

Dad: "Get over here!" (launches dart which pierces through Billy's chest that kills him) Whoopsies.

BH Number 2: (Groans painfully as he slid down dying.)

Food Battle The Game Lollipop Wand
(In the front lawn.)

Ling-Ling: What the s**t!

Jack: I'm sorry!

Ling-Ling: You are so bad at cutting, you are the worst husband in THE WORLD!

Jack: Ling-Ling, I can only take so much.

Ling-Ling: It's not even worth at getting a Green Card from you!

Jack: That's it! (he grunts as he takes the Lollipop wand before using it on her, turning her into a lawn flamingo) That's better! (he then stands up to kick it away before getting into a karate position.)

Grand Theft Auto Money
(In the dark streets.)

Gangster: I guess I can pay my rent now.

Doom BFG 9000
(Back to the living room for the third time.)

BD: It's a good thing I adopted this third kid that looks like the last two.

BH Number 3: I'm gonna go get a tattoo of a butthole on my butthole! (runs off to do so)

Dad: God. (Shoots the "Big F**king Gun" which kills Billy Number 3) I really suck at this whole parenting thing.

Pac-Man Power Pellet
(In another house, it appears that a woman is running away as an idiot is chasing her like he was Pac-Man with a Power Pellet, going so far as to replicate the sound effect.)

Idiot: Hey it's okay! Once I eat you, your eyes will go back to the cage AND YOU'LL BE ALIVE AGAIN. (he keeps chasing her making that sound effect.)

Ending
AP: Yeah you're right. Video game items in real life will kick ass!

IH: I told you!

AP: And now time to speed this s**t up with the "Song of Time".

(Anthony then plays a song which was supposed to be the "Song of Time".)

IH: Wait, hold on dude. I think that's the "Songs of...

(Turns out the song chosen was the "Song of Storms". The Ocarina then summoned a storm that made Anthony wet.)

IH: ...Storms".

AP: Dammit!

IH: Uh... Dude, your nipples are kinda showing now.

Guy in the Flash Costume: (intrigued upon hearing nipples, he turns around to see Anthony's nipples) Oh my god! Girl Boobs!

(All the other people in line saw Anthony's nipples and since he was in a female costume, all thought he was a girl and hence, chased after him, forcing Anthony to make a run for it.)

IH: Well, I guess since everyone is gone, I'm getting the game first! Yes!

(Suddenly, a Blue Shell appears targeting Ian.)

IH: Huh? (looks up to see the Blue Shell) Huh! No! No! No! (gets killed by the Blue Shell.)

Subscription ending
AP: Hey, if you're not already subscribed, click that little yellow button to get a 1-up.

(Super Mario Bros. 1-Up collection theme plays.)

IH: If you guys want to see bloopers from this video and watch me sustain some massive brain injury...

(In BTS video.)

(It shows Ian flinging himself at a painting before landing on a cushion multiple times.)

IH: ...click the video on the left.

AP: And if you guys want to see another episode of ours, click that video on the right to watch "IF APPS WERE REAL."

(From IF APPS WERE REAL.)

Guy (to the first girl): I bang you! (to the next girl or transexual in this case) I bang you! (to the third girl) I'd bang you!