FIRETRUCK!/Script

Opening
(Open with man listening to Milky Milkshake)

Man: I'm sorry guys, this song sucks. Come back when you got something that doesn't suck.

(Ian and Anthony start to leave)

Anthony: Firetruck!

Man: What did you say?

Anthony (turns around with Ian): I said "firetruck".

Ian: You know, it's the polite way of saying f*ck in public. It starts with "f" and it ends with "uck". Firetruck!

(They turn back around again)

Man: Alright, come back in here.

(Anthony and Ian turn around again)

Man: I'll sign you guys. On one condition.

(Ian and Anthony look at each other)

(song starts to play)

Song lyrics
Now here's the thing about saying firetruck

It starts F and it ends with UCK

So whenever you're in trouble or out of luck

You no longer have to exclaim "OH F*CK"

Hey look at that, they just bleeped me

Instead say firetruck, it's so easy

And I'd like to take a moment just sit right there

I'll tell you how you can say firetruck anywhere

Stub your toe, FIRETRUCK

Lose your cash, FIRETRUCK

You're naked and your parents come home, FIRETRUCK

Fail your class, FIRETRUCK

Scratch your ass, FIRETRUCK

Clip your nails too short and it hurts, FIRETRUCK

Crap your pants, FIRETRUCK

Bite your tongue, FIRETRUCK

No one shows up to your party, FIRETRUCK

Red Ring of Death, FIRETRUCK

Forget to breathe, FIRETRUCK

Found out your mom is your dad, FIRETRUCK

Say firetruck every chance you see

It's even more fun when it gets bleeped

Say it with me now, don't make this suck

F********UUUCK!

Whoa man, did you just say f*ck?

Naw man, I just said Firetruck

But when you bleep it, it says f*ck

Who cares man, we're sayin' firetruck!

Lose your teeth, FIRETRUCK

iPhone bill, FIRETRUCK

Jonas Brothers stuck in your head, FIRETRUCK

Crash your car, FIRETRUCK

Into your dog, FIRETRUCK

Turns out your dog is your mom, FIRETRUCK

Wait, so now my mom's a dog?

And your dad

This is just getting ridiculous

You act like it's not normal-

IT ISN'T NORMAL

It is in Canada

So they have man-dog-women in Canada?

...Yes

Fail science, FIRETRUCK

Eat a pencil, FIRETRUCK

There's over 500 Pokemon?! WHAT THE FIRETRUCK

Lose the game, FIRETRUCK

David Blaine, FIRETRUCK

Get run over by a... (what?) FIRETRUCK

So, yeah. Next time you wanna say the F-word, just say Firetruck. It's more polite. And if you didn't like this song, go fïretruck yourself.

(song ends, Ian puts hand on camera)