If Cartoons Were Real/Script

Introduction
(Ian and Anthony are watching SpongeBob Squarepants)

Patrick

Hey SpongeBob, you want another Krabby Patty?

SpongeBob

Sure Patrick. (laughs loudly)

Ian

Okay this show is stupid. No one would like a burger that's been underwater; it'll be all soggy and disgusting.

Anthony

It's just a cartoon! Imagine how much cartoons would suck if they were realistic.

Pokemon
Ash: Hey hey! Wanna see this cute, yellow rat animal that I caught and put in this small, little ball?

Gary: Sure.

(Ash opens the ball and finds Pikachu's dead)

Both: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Peanuts
(The teacher talks gibberish and then speaks normal English)

teacher: Ah I'm just messing with you guys! Those aren't even real words.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers
Kwame: Got a complete rainbow.

(The kids started talking about the rainbow until Captain Planet comes along)

Planet: Hey kids, wanna go save the planet?

Kwame: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

In a flashback

Woman: Hey, I'm in the back! Come on in.

Planet: Hey, I-I brought the wine coolers and candy like you aszzed. (Saw Kwame)

Kwame: Why won't you have a seat right over there?

Planet: (flees) OH S**T!

South Park
Stan: (licks a bar of soap) HELE! I'M SORRY MOM! HELELELEL...

The Simpsons
Homer: Bart, take out the trash.

Bart: Eat my shorts!

Homer: Why you little!

(Homer strangles Bart making Bart choke and then Homer gets a twenty year arrest for child abuse)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
April: Ah, the evil Shredder's gonna get me! Help me Raphael!

(Raphael gives out a weak chirp)

Dragon Ball Z
Ian: KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAAHAHAHAH AH! (Fails the move)

Anthony: How many times have you tried this?

Ian: Over nine thousand.

Invader Zim
(The Smosh Crew doesn't know anything about Invader Zim, so they just showed a waffle with Gir in his dog costume on it)

He-Man
He-Man: By the power of Greyskull, I am (lifts up his sword) HE-MAN!

guy: (walks pass He-Man) Gay bar's that way.

Inspector Gadget
Robber: Give me all of your money!

Gadget: Go go gadget web shooter! (Shoots the web at the robber) Hahahaha! (Stops shooting)

Robber: (Spits some of the web off) Go go gadget gun!

(Shoots Gadget with the gun)

Scooby Doo! (Deleted)
Fred: So gang, who are we gonna catch today?

Shaggy: His name's The Jigsaw Killer; one time, he made cut off his foot with a saw and then disembowel his friend with a meat cleaver. (Goes along)

(The others stay put)

Velma: Who wants ice cream?

Fred and Daphne: Me!

(The three left)

Doug (Deleted)
(Doug was talking on the phone)

Doug: I don't know. Let me see what Skeeter thinks. Hey Skeeter!

Skeeter: (comes along) Hey Doug! Bark-bark.

Doug: WHY THE F**K ARE YOU BLUE?!

Ending
Ian: Okay so, maybe cartoons would suck if they were real.

Anthony: See.

Ian: Alright well, I'm gonna go fire up some bigass (bigass is burgers in a bad Australian accent) on the grill. (Stands up)

Anthony: Some what?

Ian: You know, bigass. I'm saying it with a Steve Irwin accent.

Anthony: Like an Australian accent?

Ian: What the hell is that?

Out in the backyard

(Ian grilled a hamburger, smelled it, tripped on Shredder, and threw it in a bucket of water)

Ian (thoughts): No one would like a burger that's been underwater...

(Ian takes the burger out of the bucket and eats it)

Ian: (yells out) THIS IS AMAZING!