I Broke My Foot!/Script

In Ian's room
*Ian is lying in bed and is playing on his 3DS XL, seems to be playing Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance*

Ian: Anthony! Anthonyyyyyyy!

Anthony: *enters* What?

Ian: Do you think maybe you could carry me out in the living room?

Anthony: Uh, no. How about you get your fat ass up and walk out there yourself?

Ian: Did you not notice my broken-ass foot; you know, the one you broke because you dropped that jug of Dixon Cider on it?

Anthony: *He shrugs, smugly*

Ian: So if you don't take me out there right now, I'm gonna take that little Twilight fan-fiction that you wrote and I'm gonna put it all over the nets.

Anthony: Uh, I never I never wrote a fan-fiction about Twilight. Uh, Wha-What's it called then?

Ian: Well which one are you talking about? There's Blood isn't the Only Thing We Suck. There's-

Anthony: *Cuts him off* Okay okay!

In the living room
*Anthony drags Ian to the couch*

Anthony: God dude, you need to lay off the twinkies! *He puts Ian on the couch* There!

Ian: Oh hey, could you move me to the ground; cuz I kinda want to take a nap and the couch is too soft.

Anthony: You were just on your bed.

Ian: Yeah but I can only sleep on hard things.

Anthony: *Smirks and is about to say something*

Ian: Don't say "That's what she said".

Anthony: Actually, I was gonna say, "That's what your dad said."

Ian: Oh, that's okay then. Now move me to the ground bitch!

Anthony: Fine. *rolls Ian to the ground*

Ian: *laughs* Ow! *smells something* Aw, dude! That smells like Frankenstein's taint down here! Move me somewhere else!

By the dining table
*Anthony drags Ian on a chair*

Ian: Ah! That's better.

Anthony: Okay, but promise me you don't need anything else, Okay?

Ian: I promise.

Anthony: Good. *starts to leave*

Ian: Uh, Anthony. I'm hungry.

*Anthony growls in frustration, but was cut to the kitchen*

In the kitchen
*Anthony drags Ian to the counter*

Anthony: Alright, what do you want?

Ian: Uh, ham sandwich?

Anthony: Okay. *gives Ian a tray with sandwich ingredients* Have fun!

Ian: Uh, do you think maybe do you think you can make it for me? I mean my injury has made me pretty weak.

Anthony: *sighs* Fine. *starts to make the sandwich*

Ian: No, I want to make it.

Anthony: But you just said you want me-

Ian: No! Make me make it.

Anthony: *sighs* Can't believe I'm doing this. *dragging Ian's hand to "make" the sandwich*

Ian: Yeah, there you go. Ah, maybe do you think you can give me some milk too.

Anthony: *sighs and pats Ian* Sure man. Anything for you. *gets some milk and pours it on Ian* Here's your milk, bitch.

Ian: Mm. Thanks, man. You're the bestest friend ever.

Anthony: *emptily* Whatever.

Ian: Do you wanna be the bestest best friend ever?

Anthony: What now?

Ian: Well, probably not gonna like it.

In Ian's room
*Anthony is secretly rubbing the milk stain off of Ian's shorts*

Ian: Yeah, almost there.

Anthony: Come on man, my arms are starting to hurt!

Ian: Annnnnd, there you go. The milk stain is out. Good job man. *throws the towel by his window*

Anthony: Are we done now?

Ian: Um, one more thing?

Anthony: What could you possibly want THAT IS SO IMPORTANT, IAN?!

Ian: Chill out man, I'm just wondering if you could give me a hot dog on a stick covered in batter.

Anthony: Okay, so you want me to get you a corn dog?

Ian: What the hell's a corn dog, a hot dog made out of corn? No man! I want a hot dog, on a stick, covered in batter.

Anthony: That is a corn dog.

Ian: See, now you're just making up words. Just go out to the grocery store and get me one, man!

Anthony: Well I can't cuz my car is actually broken; so, can't drive.

Ian: Why don't you just drive my car?

Anthony: Uh, it's a stick-shift.

Ian: Oh, come on, man. Everyone knows how to drive a stick. I mean *punches him jokingly* you some kind of pussy, are you?

Anthony: Um, yeah No, no I'm not a...

Ian: Cool, *throws the car keys* have fun!

In the car on the driveway
Anthony: Okay, Anthony. You could do this; just push in the clutch, put it in reverse, and... *accidentally accelerates forward and hits Stevie* Sh*t! Sorry, Stevie!

Stevie: I'm okay! Ah, I broke my left testicle.

Anthony: Ah, I'm such an idiot. I can't do anything right!

Strange guy: *enters the car* You totally are an idiot! First, you break Ian's foot, then you were a dick about it when he asked you to help him! Oh, and your emo hair makes you look like a little girl.

Anthony: No, it doesn't.

Strange guy: Does, too! I wish all emo hair losers would do us all a favor and go play in a highway.

Anthony: You have emo hair too.

Strange guy: Damn it! Guess you're right. *gets out of the car, tries to fly a kite in a highway, and gets run over by a truck*

Ian: *walks out to sees Anthony* Dude, what's taking you so long?

Anthony: *sees him* Wait, how are you walking?

Ian: Uh... *checks his foot in the cast and talks in a country accent* Oh my golly. Thank you, Lord! I've been miraculously healed! Woohoo! *he dances* I can walk again!

Anthony: You lying bastard! *Gets out of the car and marches to Ian* I'm gonna kill you! *sprains his ankle and falls* AAHH!!!! Ow, my ankle!

*Ian and Stevie looks on in shock*

In the living room
*Ian is serving Anthony as he lies on the couch*

Anthony: So, how does it feel to be my bitch, BITCH?!

Ian: Shut up!

Anthony: Aw, looks like my bed pan overflowed and I have to use a bag. Think fast, bitch! *tosses the bag at him*

*Ian yells from being covered in piss*

Extended Scene
Ian: Do you think maybe you can just get me some milk too maybe.

Anthony: *pats Ian* Sure, anything for you buddy. *gets some soy milk*

Ian: Ah dude, soy milk? Come on, no; I want real milk.

*Anthony sighs, throws the soy milk in the refrigerator and gives Ian two percent fat milk*

Ian: Two percent?! Do you want me to get fat dude? Give me the fat-free milk, I'm watching my figure.

Anthony: Why do you have so much *opens the refrigerator* god damn milk in here?!