We Need Friends/Script

In the house

(Anthony peeks out of the window)

Anthony: Dude, the new neighbors are here and they're moving in a bunch of stuff. It's two guys. They look really cool.

Ian: (types in his laptop) I don't care.

Anthony: Come on man, we can use a couple of cool, new friends. And they're moving in a big-ass pinball machine.

Ian: Dude, (closes his laptop, drops it, and runs off) we have to be their friends.

Anthony: Ah yeah, but how?

Ian: Well if you want someone to like you, you just gotta give them a lot of gifts.

Anthony: Yeah! I mean that's the only reason we're still friends with Stevie. Pss!

Ian: (talks softly) Oh yeah.

Stevie: Hey Ian, I saved my PB&J sandwich for you! Hehe.

Ian: Shut up Stevie.

Stevie: I love how nice you guys are to me all the time.

Ian: Shut up Stevie!

Anthony: Oh! Let's invite them over with a kick-ass invitation card.

Later on

(Anthony made the card)

Anthony: And, (put the message on the card) perfect.

Ian: Awesome, so just go over there and deliver it to them.

Anthony: Ahahah, you're-you're gonna have to do it man; my uh, (puts his foot on the table) uhuhuhuh I lost my shoes.

Ian: Well I can't go over there. M-M-M-M-My (shows his foot on the table) nails are still wet.

Stevie: Don't worry guys (takes the card), I'll do it. (leaves)

Anthony: Damn it Stevie!

Ian: Great, there goes our only chance of playing pinball.

Stevie: (comes back) They said they're gonna be here in five minutes!

(Ian and Anthony rush to their rooms)

(Anthony wears a pair of clear shoes, puts underwear over his pants, wears a bra, and puts a shirt over it)

(Ian wears ant spray on parts of the shirt covering his armpits, part of the pants covering his butt, and his mouth which he thought was gross)

Five minutes later

Anthony: Oh dude, I'm gonna talk in a (lowers and strengthens his voice) sophisticated accident (higher s and weakens his voice) so that they think we're super cool and foreign.

Ian: (lisping) Ah that's a good idea. Here though, you kinda stink. So use some of my cologne. (gives the cologne to Anthony)

Anthony: Oh thanks. (sprays the ant spray on him and gets grossed out) Ah augh augh! Where'd you get this?!

Ian: It was under the sink.

Anthony: This is ant spray idiot.

Ian: Omf! Well let's go meet our new best friends Shall We.

Stevie: I got it. (opens the door)

Ian: Damn it Stevie.

(the movers enter)

Anthony: Uh! (talks with a lower and stronger accident) Good evening gentlemen, my birth name is Anthony and this is my lovely associate, Ian.

Ian: Thanks for coming guys.

Anthony: Do enter are humble abode, gentleman. (bows to the movers as they enter and pushes Stevie out) F**k off Stevie (closes the door).

Mover #1: So when does this big ass party gets started.

Mover #2:Yeah, when does Kanye get here?

Anthony: Just a moment, fine sirs. (talks to Ian) Okay, I might have mess up.

Ian: Okay, why do you think Kanye was gonna be here?

Anthony: Well how else was suppose to get them to show up.

Ian: You said the Queen of England was gonna be here too?!

Anthony: Look, we just gotta figure out how to keep them here now, okay? We got it.

Ian: Okay fine. Leave the way asshole.

Anthony: (talks to the movers) All right guys, slight change plans. Looks like we're playing board games instead.

Ian: Dude, we don't have any board games.

Stevie: You guys can play with mine! I even got Spongebob Operation!

Ian: Go away Stevie, you're embarrassing us.

(Stevie sadly walks away)

Anthony: Here, we'll just make up a game. I mean it can be that hard right? (turns to the movers) All right, so the name of the game we're playing is uh, Alpha, Cure, Mom.

Ian: Yeah uh, Alpha Cure Mom.

Anthony: Uh, so the rules of the game are simple. You just, uh, call someone on your phone.

Ian: And if they pick up, you say the name of the game.

Anthony: And then you guys win a prize.

Ian: Ooh! Me first. (calls an old lady)

Old Lady: (answers the phone) Hello.

Ian: Alpha Cure Mom.

Old Lady: (shocked) What?

Anthony: Haha, conglaturations guys! Looks like you guys win, uh, Ian's Xbox. (laughs)

Ian: Yeah! (pulls out the Xbox) Here you guys go!

Anthony: Ooh, my turn. (calls someone)

Voice: Hello.

Anthony: Alpha Cure Mom! (hangs up)

Voice: You son of a...

Anthony: (gives the movers a globe) Here you go!

Ian: Alpha Cure Mom!

Anthony: Alpha Cure Mom!

Ian: (gives the movers a fake limb) Oh, it's a hand; it's yours.

Anthony: Alpha Cure Mom!

Ian: Alpha Cure Mom.

Anthony: (gives the movers dolls) Oh look at those little. (made the dolls kiss and laugh)

Ian: Alpha Cure Mom!

Anthony: Alpha Cure Mom!

Ian: Alpha Cure Mom!

Anthony: Hey, guess what?

(the movers get a lot of stuff)

Anthony: Alpha Cure Mom.

(Ian and Anthony give the movers a television)

Ian: Oh god, my hernia, my scrotum.

Anthony: All right guys, looks like we pretty much gave you everything. So uh, looks like you guys win.

Ian: (claps) Yeah, congratulations. So what do you say we uh celebrate with maybe a little pinball at your guys' place?

Mover #2: What? That's not ours.

Anthony: But I saw you moving the machine Into your house earlier.

Mover #1: Yeah, we're just the movers. Later.

(the movers leave with the stuff)

Ian: Duh. Wait, but, that's, the Pinball!

Anthony: But we can still be best friends, right?

Stevie: (jumps on the couch) So, who wants to play Spongebob Operation?

Ian: Fine.

Stevie:(talks softly) Yay.

Later on

(Ian & Anthony play the game)

Ian: Be careful, be careful!

(Ian and Anthony cheer)

Stevie: Can I get a turn?

Anthony: No!

Ian: Get outta here Stevie! (tosses a fork at Stevie)

(Stevie screams)

Alternate Scene
Ian: Get outta here Stevie! (tosses a fork at Stevie)

Stevie: You fought my third NIPPLE! (screams)