HOW TO HIDE A B0NER IN PUBLIC!/Script

Introduction
ANTHONY

Hi. A few years ago, I accidentally ate a whole bottle of Viagra, which resulted in a really embarrassing side effect. Now I'm here to show you how you could you live such an ordeal. Let's go!

(Anthony says every step)

Step 1: Clothing
(Anthony appears out of the closet)

ANTHONY

Tight pants can mostly conceal your condition. However, it can get really uncomfortable. (Anthony changes his pants) That's why always wear loose fitting cloths for maximum comfort.

(Ian appears with an urn)

IAN

Can you watch my grandma's ashes for a sec.

(leaves)

(Anthony turns around)

ANTHONY

Huh?

(The boner hits the urn a broke it from being dropped)

Step 2: Hanging Out With Friends
Anthony: Act normal around your friends cuz they'll accept you for who you are. (goes to his friends) So, like I was saying, the...(sees his friends walking away from him) Uh, guys?

Step 3: Getting New Friends
Anthony: Find friends with similar interest as yourself. (goes to his friends, who also have boners) So I was like, that won't fit in my mouth.

(Anthony and his friends were laugh, while touching their boners)

Step 4: Going to Parties
Anthony: Hiding your condition is key and there are several ways to do it.

(Anthony says the several ways)

The Broken Back
lady: What are you doing?

Anthony: Ah prah, looking at your shoes. They're s-super cute. (Looks up at the woman and gives a thumbs up)

Narrator: GREAT!

Mr. Pocket Hands
Ian: Yo Anthony, (shows his hand) what's up man?!

Anthony: Sup?

Ian: Shake my damn hand!

(Anthony bites Ian's making Ian shout)

Narrator: FEROCIOUS!

The Fetal Baby
Anthony: (lies on the ground) I saw this snake earlier while I was out running; it just came out of nowhere?

Ian: (comes along) That's what she said!

(Ian and Anthony laugh hysterically)

Ian: Oh my god, it's hilarious!

(Anthony gives a thumbs up)

Narrator: STUPENDOUS!

The Dick In a Box
Ian: (sees Anthony) Haha. Dick in a box, right? Hey, wha-what did you put in the box? (opens the box and sees what's in it) AHHHH!

Narrator: SHOCKING!!!

Alternate Scene
Ian: Dick in a box, right? Hey, wha-what did you put the box? (opens the box and sees GIR in his dog costume in it) AHHHHHH!

1 Foot Distance
(Anthony says this later in his line)

Anthony: Also remember to keep a minimum one foot distance from people. If you don't, unaccepted things may occur. (turns around and hits Ian's butt with his boner)

Ian: What the... (turns around and sees Anthony's boner) Oh hello.

Narrator: THUPER!

(Step 5: Dating)
Anthony: And finally. Use your condition to your advantage.

Date: So uh, is that a gun on your pants or are you just...

Anthony: Actually, it's my boner. (goes to the audience) Now this can either go one of two ways. She either says,

Girl: Cool, you wanna make out?

Anthony: or she says,

Girl: MOLESTER! (runs away)

Anous: (comes along) Freeze, drop the gun in your pants!

Anthony: (stands up) No-no-no, it's not a gun, it's my..you know...

Anous: Bulls**t! (Shoots Anthony until he dies, then shoots him again with a different gun) No gun my ass! Oh really, you don't have a gun, then what is this? (takes out Anthony penis) Ah this is a really, weird-looking gun. Is it some kind of small shotgun? (Acts the penis as a gun) Ch-ch, pew-pew-pew-pew!

Girl: Ew!

Narrator: SHOTGUN PENIS'D!

Alternate Ending
Anous: Bulls**t! (Shoots Anthony until he dies, then shoots him again with a different gun) Obviously this thing in his pants is a gun. Why else would it have skin OH MY GOD, IT'S HIS PEEPEE!

Narrator: GROSS!!!