I'M NOT RACIST/Script

I'M NOT RACIST

Script by Ian and Anthony

'''EXT. ANTHONY'S HOUSE - DAY'''

Ian is now going to his flight, he stops and reminds anthony that his French cousin Pierre is staying over while his gone.

IAN I'm gonna be late for my flight if I don't go right now.

ANTHONY

Alright, have fun in France, man!

IAN

Oh, by the way, my French cousin is staying over while I'm gone

ANTHONY

What?

IAN

Yeah, his name is Pierre. Bye!

PIERRE

'Sup, Brother!

ANTHONY

Pierre?

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">The one and only, Brother!

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">You don't look very French.

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">You gettin' racist on me, Brother?

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">No no, I guess I just have never seen a real French person before.

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">Ha ha, Well we're a fun much, up high, brother! (high-five) Down low! (spanks Anthony's buttocks)

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">Ughh, we should go inside, like, right now, Brother.

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #1

<p style="text-align:center;">We got you now!

'''INT. ANTHONY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY'''

Anthony is sitting in the living room listening Pierre taking a shower, after that his phone rang.

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">singing Macho Man by The Village People in the background

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">(Phone rings)

<p style="text-align:center;">Hello?

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">Hello, man. How's Pierre?

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">He looks and talks like Hulk Hogan.

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, duh, they all do. Have you never seen a real French person before?

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, I guess not, but okay, there's nothing wrong with it, but, is Pierre gay?

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony, not all French men are gay, that sounds a little bit racist.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">Okay, well, earlier today he was doing some really questionable things.

'''INT. ANTHONY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY'''

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">This is the living room and I'll show you-

<p style="text-align:center;">Pierre holds Anthony's hand

<p style="text-align:center;">Why are you holding my hand?

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">Why would I not? (NOT GAY)

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">eating Spaghetti with Pierre

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">What? (NOT GAY)

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">What are you doing!?!

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">Looking at gay porn. (NOT GA-OK, THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE GAY.)

'''INT. ANTHONY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY'''

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony you can't be so racist! Just because his culture is different, it doesn't mean you can spread lies about his sexual orientation.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">He was looking at Gay Porn!

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">And who doesn't from time to time!?!?

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">True.

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">Dude I gotta go, I've been looking at french fries for the past five hours and I can't find them anywhere.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony checks the door

<p style="text-align:center;">Hey Pierre, are these your friends? They look like Richard Simmons.

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">(checks the door) You idiot, that's the Italian Mafia.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">What the hell are they doing here?

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">I have a lot of gambling debt. (whispers out loud) I just can't say no to Naked Twister.

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #1

<p style="text-align:center;">Okay, it's time to eat s**t and die sillies.

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #2

<p style="text-align:center;">Yeah! (kicks the door open) You've messed with the wrong Italians, Pierre!

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">I'm so scared right now. Hold me.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">What? No!

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #2

<p style="text-align:center;">There you are you little silly; now it's time to die.

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #1

<p style="text-align:center;">Any last words you cute, little butt-heads?

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">Yeah, why are you guys acting like Richard Simmons?

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #2

<p style="text-align:center;">Augh. Oh, no, he did not just say that.

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">What the hell man, all Italians are like that.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">I thought they were like "Its a spicy meatsy Paula".

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #1

<p style="text-align:center;">Ugh, I can't listen to this racist little prick anymore!

<p style="text-align:center;">ITALIAN #2

<p style="text-align:center;">Enjoy being racist! And gay!

<p style="text-align:center;">PIERRE

<p style="text-align:center;">You're gay? Ughh!

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, that was a quick flight. Oh, I like you guys to meet my new friends from Japan.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">Oh great let me guess, all Japanese people look and dress like Elvis right?

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">No, we just came back from an Elvis convention.

<p style="text-align:center;">MARI

<p style="text-align:center;">(Japanese) F**king racist! 人種差別（じんしゅさべつ）やろクソ！, jinshusabetsu yaro kuso!) (F**KING RACIST!)

<p style="text-align:center;">THE END