I Have Kirby Powers!/Script

In the house

(Ian sees Anthony laughing and crouching down. After that, Ian makes a fake cough)

Anthony: (stands up) Oh hey, man. What's up? (laughs)

Ian: What are you doing with my mom's yarn?

Anthony: Oh uh, I-I just sucked the cat?

Ian: What?!

Anthony: Yeah, I sucked up a cat and got its powers. Pretty sweet, right? But, uh, now I have this strange addiction to yarn. (licks the yarn)

Ian: So you have "cat powers"?

Anthony: Yeah man, check it out! I can jump really high; (jumps on the table) and I can sleep for fourteen hours a day and only wake up for food and meow like a little bitch if you don't feed me and... (spits out a hairball to Ian's shirt)

Ian: (picks up the hairball) Ah, gross! (drops the ball) So, what you're saying is that you suck things up and get their powers, like Kirby or something.

Anthony: No! Wait. Actually, yeah, it does sound like Kirby.

Ian: (gets a toaster) Can you suck this? (throws the toaster)

Anthony: (sucks in the toaster, poops out toast, and takes it out of his butt) Oh ho!

Ian: Cool, ass toast! (runs to Anthony to eat the toast) Suck more things!

Later on

Ian: (holds a blender) Suck on this! (throws the blender)

Anthony: (sucks the blender, made a smoothie inside of him, and spits it out) Oh (gives Ian the smoothie) God, I have no idea what's in that smoothie.

Ian: (drinks the smoothie with a straw) THIS IS THE GREATEST FREAKING SMOOTHIE EVER! (drinks some more of the smoothie)

Later on

Ian: (holds his phone) Suck my phone! (throws his phone)

Anthony: (sucks Ian's phone and mimics the voicemail of Ian's mom) Hi, Ian. It's mom. I'm just calling to say, "I love you."

Ian: You're the coolest voicemail ever!

Anthony: (mimics more of the voicemail) But if you pee your bed one more time, I'm not washing it for you.

Ian: O-Okay, that's enough!

Later on

Ian: Suck my (grabs a dictionary) dick.......tionary! (throws the dictionary)

Anthony: (sucks the dictionary and has his head turned to a book) My face is a book. (exhales through his mouth while it closes) Get it, Facenovel?

Ian: You mean Facebook.

Anthony: Damn it! I knew I'd mess that one up.

Later on

Ian: Okay hot shot, (grabs an unplugged hair dryer) suck on this! (throws the hair dryer)

Anthony: (sucks the hair dryer and blows Ian's hair)

Ian: (moves his head) Oh yeah. Oh oh oh yeah.

Anthony: What are you doing?

Ian: Trust me man, it will look really sexy in slow-motion. Hit me again.

(Anthony blows Ian's hair again and the camera plays in slow-motion making Ian look sexier)

camera: (plays catchy music) Da! Oh yeah. (stops playing in slow-motion)

Anthony: Okay that actually is pretty sexy. Dude, flip me the bird.

(Ian shows Anthony his middle finger)

Anthony: No, the dead one right there!

Ian: Oh! (spits) Duh! (picks up the dead bird and throws it to Anthony) Flip.

Anthony: (sucks the bird and lies to the ground) Plah!

Ian: Heh. Nice.

(Bruce whistles as he enters)

Anthony: Oo!

Bruce: Huh? (Gets sucked by Anthony) AHAHAHAH!

(Anthony sucks Bruce)

Ian: (gets off of the chair) Okay dude, I think you'd sucked enough things.

Anthony: (stands up) Oh come on! You're just jelly because I sucked a hot girl and you didn't.

Ian: Well that "girl" wasn't exactly a girl. She was, kind of a Taiwanese hooker named Bruce. (shrugs)

Anthony: So, you're telling me I sucked a guy?

Ian: Pretty much.

Anthony: Huh? Yeah I was wondering why I didn't get any cool girl powers like I don't know, the ability to shoot milk outta my nipples or something.

Ian: Dude, no girls can do...

Anthony: Wait, why was that Taiwanese male hooker in our house?

Ian: I don't know. Why would-Why would I know that?

Anthony: You know what, I don't care; I wanna suck everything: big things, small things, furry things. (yells) I WANNA SUCK IT ALL! (cackles)

By the front yard

Neighbor: (overheard what Anthony said and exhales through his nose) Kind of reminds me of my old college days. (walks away from the house firmly)

Back in the house

Anthony: The more I suck, the more abilities I get. Suck a cat, jump really high. Suck a refrigerator, poop ice cubes. Suck a Taiwanese hooker and get something that I don't really wanna talk about and I might need to go for the doctors for; but you know what, I don't care. I want ALL the power!

Ian: Anthony, you have to stop! You don't understand; it's okay in the video games, but this is real life!

Anthony: Too bad Ian, it's too late. In fact, I need to know what YOUR power is. Haha.

Ian: No, don't suck me bro! Don't! (tries to avoid being sucked in) No, ah! (makes noises while gripping the counter)

Anthony: (sucks Ian and grows a bowl-haircut) All I got was this bowl-haircut? Awesome! Yeah! (jumps)