What Guys Are Really Thinking/Script

Introduction
narrator: Lesson four: human interaction. What we see in many cases is a male may behave in one way, but his thoughts are quite different. Please observe the following.

(The original and what they're really thinking topics are different perspectives of the same story)

(After each scene from the original, the narrator says, "What they're really thinking.")

Original
In the park

friend #1: Bros, check out that hottie over there.

Anthony: (looks at the girl doing yoga) Yeah, she's pretty hot, I guess.

friend #2: Hey man, I dare you to get her number bro.

Anthony: What are you, five? (looks at his friends) Fine I'll do it. (walks to the girl) Yeah uh, so my friends put me up to this but uh, could I get your number?

girl: Ah, (gets up) okay, but uh promise you're not a creep.

Anthony: Who me?

(The girl laughs and gives the number while Anthony gives a thumbs up)

At the girl's house

(Anthony knocks the door)

girl: (opened the door and sighs) Do I look okay?

Anthony: Yeah you look, amazing.

In the restaurant

girl: So yesterday, the craziest thing happen. I was at um, I was at Macy's.

Anthony: Yeah.

girl: And they have these...

Anthony: (eats his food) Mm, hmm.

girl: ...pants that were on sale.

Anthony: Yeah.

girl: And they were the curvy...

Anthony: Totally.

girl: ...fit kind which is good...

Later on

girl: "And I'm sorry, but your shoes were totally last fall."

Anthony: (wakes up) Hehehe.

waiter: (gives the bill) Have a great day. (walks away)

girl: Oh thanks for paying.

Anthony: Yeah no problem. It's what a gentleman does, right?

At the girl's house

(Anthony parks his car)

girl: I had a really great time.

Anthony: Yeah me too. Do you think maybe you wanna hangout a little longer.

girl: Oh I kind of have a lot of homework so.

Anthony: Okay. Yeah, alright.

girl: Oh, uh.

(they both hug each other)

girl: See you around. (leaves)

Anthony: Okay. (hits his head on the steering wheel)

In the girl's house

(the girl calls her friend, Susan)

ringtone: Drop that ass, make that booty pop girl. Shaka...

Susan: (answers the phone) So how did the date go?

girl: You know how some guys are too nice?

Susan: Ouh.

girl: Yeah, it was like that.

What They're Really Thinking
friend #1: Bros, check out that hottie over there.

caveman: Ah, me want to take girl and do bam-bam. (runs to the girl) Ahahahahah. Give me number so you get naked and we bam-bam.

girl: Ah, (gets up) okay, but promise you're not a creep.

caveman: Me ain't no promise nothing.

(The girl and the caveman laughs as she writes the number)

At the girl's house

girl: (opens the door) Do I look okay?

caveman: Me think you look better naked.

(The girl laughs)

In the restaurant

girl: So then if lettuce is like ten calories...

caveman: (whispers) Boobies.

girl: ...and then spinach is like another thirty and...

caveman: (whispers) Boobies.

girl: ...so that was pretty much the worst day of my life. I-I can't be doing my own thing.

caveman: (whispers) Boobies.

Later on

girl: Oh thanks for paying.

caveman: Wait, what? ME NO WANT TO PAY FOR THIS CRAP! (grunts and draws on the bill) Booby.

At the girl's house

girl: Okay.

caveman: (sniffs the girl) Mm.

girl: Although, see you around.

caveman: Wha, WHY YOU NO GIVE ME BAM-BAM? THIS IS MAMMOTH CRAP AND WASTE OF TIME! (screams in the car while honking on the car horn)

old man: Freaking bath salts!

In the girl's house

Susan: (picks up the phone in her house) So how did the date go?

girl: (changes to a cavewoman) He was little sissy boy. It's like, you no try hard for bam-bam, you no get bam-bam. You get no signal, this girl needs bam-bam!

Susan: (turns to a cavewoman and gets a manly voice) Me want bam-bam too!

girl: And chocolates!

Susan: And bubble baths.

girl: And shopping.

Susan: And romantic movie with man hunk, Ryan Goslin.

girl: Ryan Goslin.

Susan: Ryan Goslin.

girl: Ryan Goslin.

Susan: Ryan Goslin.

girl: Ryan Goslin!

(the both scream like monkeys about Ryan Goslin)

caveman: (shows up) Ryan Gosliiiiiiiiiin!

(The girl stopped screaming was wondering about the caveman's arrival)

caveman: What?

Ending
narrator: In our next lesson, we'll be observing one of human's most puzzling specimens, Nicki Minaj's ass.

Part 1
Fabian: Can you believe that neither of us have seen a notebook?

girl: No.

Fabian: Like, this is like, oh my god; like, how have neither of us seen a notebook?

Part 2
Fabian: You have no idea girlfriend, we need to have a notebook party.

girl: We do, can we please?

Fabian: Yes, yes.

Part 3
girl: Oh, we can do each other's hair.

Fabian: No, nobody does my hair.

girl: Oh no that's right, I know you spend a lot of time.

Fabian: Girl, you know that I know what I'm doing with my hair girl.

girl: We can have a pillow fight.

Fabian: Pillow fight!

girl: Yeah pillow fight!

Fabian: I love, I love those.

girl: Me too.

Fabian; Oh my god!

girl: Me too. This is why we're best friends.

Fabian: Oh my god, can we have popcorn to.

girl: Oh yes.

Fabian: Oh my god, I love popcorn.

Part 4
(This happens after the girl and Susan turn to a cavewomen)

Susan: I heard that you actually got a mammoth. Is it true?

Fabian: Shut up.

girl: Ah, it's true!

(All three scream)

girl: I know! I know, I know, I know. Usually I'm not really a mammoth of person.

Fabian: Yeah.

girl: But like...

Fabian: So spacey.

girl: ...it was, it was an impulse buy.

Susan: Oh, best impulse buy you've ever made.

Part 5
Fabian: I love you.

Susan: I love you too!

Fabian: Oh my god.

Susan: You know I'm just kidding.

Fabian: You're such a bitch.

(Susan screams)

girl: You're so cute.

Fabian: Ahahah, ahahah, ahahah. Threesome?

Part 1
Benedict: So my-my perfect date would be uh, invite the lady out for some-some nice dinner and then uh, I would I would treat her to whatever she like. And then after the dinner, I would not take her to a movie; that is for the low lives and the classless. I would take her perhaps to a dinner theater or maybe I'll-I'll make one of those mystery things where someone gets murdered and you have to try to find out is the one that is the murderer. Maybe I'll take her rock climbing and then you know, there'll be that implication of where she didn't have sex with me; then I might just push her off the cliff.

Part 2
Benedict: I protest to this thing of me paying because I believe that woman's rights are now equal with men so men should not be expected to provide for the women when women provide for themselves. I understand, they have to pay for more things like cosmetics and you know, "feminine hygiene" things even though I don't believe in "hygiene" obviously. Um so you know, I-I really protest to this, this uh, this sexism. It's, it really is sexism now because this, um I mean really? It was fifty dollars for a biscuit. What kind of crap is that?