MIME FAIL!/Script

This is the script for MIME FAIL!.

Shut Up! Opening
Seagulls: Mime Mime Mime Mime Mime Mime Mime Mime Mime Mime Mime...

Ian and/or Anthony: SHUT UP!

Seagull: Mime.

Introduction
Narrator: For centuries, mimes have been a nuisance to mankind. This year, a law finally passed which has banned them from performing in public. Since the mimes have tried to do other things and failed miserably. Here are some examples:

(A guy will be trying to say the activities Mr. Mime will do.)

Serial Killer
Bored guy: Serial killer.

(Mr. Mime tries to act like a serial killer.)

Adrian Hecox-Hendrix: Oh god...oh god! No bro! Don't stab me, Bro!

(Mr. Mime pretends he is holding a knife and uses it to stab Adrian. Adrian then screams as he gets stabbed. However, seeing he is still alive, he wonders what is wrong with Mr. Mime.)

Adrian: Ah! What the f**k?

Narrator: MIME FAIL!

Escaping a Building Fire
Bored guy: Escaping a building fire.

(Mr. Mime tries to escape a building fire but acts as if he's in an invisible box. Suddenly, a firefighter pops in.)

Firefighter: Pork chop sandwiches! Oh, sh*t! Get the f**k out of here! What are you doing?! Get the f**k out of here, you stupid idiot! Oh, f**k! We're all dead!

Narrator: MIME FAIL!

Bungee Jumping
Bored guy: Bungee jumping.

(Mr. Mime tries to bungee jump. However, because he tied an imaginary rope into an imaginary harness, as he jumped, he fell really fast straight towards the ground.)

Narrator: MIME FAIL!

Talking On The Phone
Bored guy: Talking on the phone.

(Mr. Mime tries to talk on the phone, but he can't talk and leaves the guy wondering.)

Random Guy: Hello?

Narrator: MIME FAIL!

President of the United States
Bored guy: President of the United States.

(Mr. Mime is the president of the U.S.A.)

Commander: We need to act fast Mr. President. Where should we drop the bombs?

(Mr. Mime speaks in what looks like sign language.)

Subordinate: I think he's saying to bomb Paris.

(Mr. Mime look liked he said "No".)

Commander: No...

(Mr. Mime then repeated his instruction.)

Commander: I think he's saying to bomb the White House.

Subordinate: Brilliant plan sir. The enemy will never suspect us to attack there.

(Mr. Mime didn't want that to happen, but they couldn't understand him.)

Subordinate: Yeah, I'm going as fast as I can.

(The subordinate then hits a button that blows up the White House.)

Narrator: MIME FAIL!

Dating
Bored guy: Dating.

(Mr. Mime and his girlfriend are looking at a pregnancy test which said: "PREGGERS")

Girlfriend: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN "MIME CONDOM"?

(Mr. Mime proceeded to give an innocent face as if he didn't know why the mime condom failed.)

Narrator: MIME FAIL!

Parenting
Bored guy: Parenting? I don't even know what...

Billy Hamburger: Daddy, could you teach me about the birds and the bees?

(Mr. Mime tries to teach his son what was the birds and the bees about, but the son didn't understand.)

Billy: I still don't get it!

(Mr. Mime then proceeds to hump with a pretend vagina.)

Billy: Cooool!

(Suddenly, Sergeant Anous comes along pointing his gun at Mr. Mime.)

Anous: Stop right there pervert!

Narrator: MIME FAIL!

Taxi Driver
Bored guy: Taxi Driverrrrrrrrr...

(Ian whistles.)

Ian: Taxi!

(Soon after, Mr. Mime drives an imaginary taxi hoping Ian could ride in the back.)

Ian: I'm not getting in your imaginary car.

(Offended, Mr. Mime proceeded to reverse his taxi around until he was facing Ian before driving towards him, knocking him down and flipping him off.)

Narrator: MIME win?

Skydiving
Bored guy: (incomprehensible words)

(Mr. Mime tries to activate a parachute, but can't due to wearing an imaginary backpack carrying an imaginary parachute.)

Mr. Mime: F**k!

(He naturally dies from falling straight down to the ground and soon his wife, Mrs. Mime, who is not a mime, came to his grave mourning over his death while the gravedigger was digging the grave. It was at his grave where the two fell in love. Then there was a sudden jump to the house.)

Gravedigger: And that's the story of how I met my wife.

Subscription ending
Ian: To see bloopers and see the mime fail at taking a girl out on a date and kidnapping, click the link in the description below!

Billy (in hillbilly voice)(from behind the scenes video): Hey Daddy, could you teach me about the birds and the bees?

Bored guy/Gravedigger: Thanks for subscribing. I love you and I love my wife's beautiful ears.

(More) Dating (Deleted)
Bored guy: Dating.

(Mr. Mime knocks on the door and the girlfriend opens it.)

Girlfriend: Hey!

(Mr. Mime waves to her.)

Girlfriend: Are those the roses?!

(Mr. Mime gives her an imaginary rose.)

Girlfriend: Um, okay?

(Later on, in a restaurant, Mr. Mime acts like he's eating the imaginary food thinking it's delicious while the girlfriend is eating real food. Then, the waiter shows up.)

Waiter: Your bill sir. (Gives Mr. Mime the bill)

(Mr. Mime reaches for his imaginary money in his pocket, puts it in an imaginary envelope, close it, and gives it to the waiter.)

Girlfriend: You've got to be kidding with me.

(An alternate version of this scene)

Waiter: Put that back in your wallet, and take out some real money...and go f**k yourself!

Kidnapping (Deleted)
Bored guy: Kidnapping.

(Mr. Mime kidnapped Ian and is about to start trying to beat him down.)

Ian: Uh, I saw where you took me.

(Mr. Mime stopped showing his beat up pose.)

Ian: Yeah, your mime blindfold kinda sucks.

(Mr. Mime gasped.)

Ian: And so does (show his arms) your mime rope.

(Mr. Mime gasped more.)

Ian: So uh, think I'm just gonna go home.

(Mr. Mime felt disappointed as Ian left.)

Narrator: MIME FAIL!