Autocorrect Fail/Script

In the house

Anthony: (takes out a pitcher from the refrigerator and starts to text Ian) Hey Ian, do you want to have dinner at six?

Ian: (cleans his golf clubs) Nice and shiny. (takes out his phone and reads Anthony's text) Hey Ian, do you want to have dinner and sex?

Anthony: Oh no no no no. (texts Ian again) Do you want to have dinner at six? Hungry as hell.

Ian: (reads Anthony's text) Do you want to have dinner and sex? I'm horny as hell?

Anthony: (texts Ian again) Shall we all meet up at six? I'm hungry.

Ian: (reads Anthony's text) Swallow my ball meat up, ass sex? I'm horny?

Anthony: (texts Ian) Horny equals hungry.

Ian: (reads Anthony's text) Horny equals horny.

Anthony: (texts Ian) Sex equals six.

Ian: (reads Anthony's text) Sex equals sex.

Anthony: (texts Ian) Let's meet at six. My phone's autocorrecting.

Ian: (reads Anthony's text) Let's meet for sex, I'm alone auto-asphyxiating? (texts Anthony) Whoa man! You try that and I'm gonna give you a black eye.

(the mailman rings the doorbell)

Anthony: (approaches the front door, opens it, and reads Ian's text) Whoa man, you try that and I'll give you a black guy.

mailman: Oh hell no! You can't give away black people, racist f**k. (throws the rest of the mail at Anthony)

Anthony: (closes the door and texts Ian) Give me a quick call and we can work this out.

Ian: (reads Anthony's text) Give me some quiet anal and we can work this out? (scoffs and texts Anthony) Look Anthony, I like you, but I don't think of you like that.

Anthony: (calls on Siri) Siri, text Ian, "Hey dude, I'm using Siri now."

Ian: (reads the rest of Anthony's text) It should cut down on the autocorrect fails. Okay. (exhales in relief and speaks quietly) Thank God. (calls on Siri) Siri, text Anthony back, "Sounds good. Things were getting a little bit weird."

Anthony: I was just seeing if you want to grab dinner.

Ian: Totally. Come on over and we can, barbecue some baby back ribs.

Anthony: (reads Ian's text) Totally. Come on over and we can barbecue some baby black kids?

mailman: (opens the front door) Oh hell no! You can't just barbecue black kids! Why can't it be white kids? They all taste the same anyway. Racist f**k. (eats White Kid Jerky and leaves)

Ian: So, we should probably just talk to each other instead of texting, huh?

Anthony: Yeah. (walks away from Ian and starts texting)

narrator: (pauses the video) If you're in the same room as someone, please put down your phone and suck their c**k. Dammit no! I mean, spank your woman. No! I meant, speak your worWhatever, you get the point.

Deleted Scene
Ian: (texts Anthony) Look Anthony, I like you, but I don't think of you like that. (sends a text and texts another message) Maybe we can just...

Anthony: (reads Ian's text) go horsec**k riding or something?

mailman (outside of the house): Oh hell no! Why you gotta do that with a horse?! Racist f**k. (throws his mail)