MARIO KART (Honest Game Trailers)

Mario kart is the first episode of honest game trailers.

Script
From the company that likes to rehash the same franchises over and over (Nintendo) comes a racing series that teaches players that winning and being the best driver don't always go hand in hand: Mario Kart.

You've seen Mario jump (Super Mario Bros.), golf (Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour), serve (Mario Tennis), kick (Mario Strikers Charged), party (Mario Party), practice medicine (Dr. Mario), and do pretty much anything but actual plumbing (Super Mario Bros. Super Show). But now, Mario's back on the streets, in a go kart!

Welcome to the Mushroom Kingdom, where a land once known for its unreasonably high rate of princess kidnappings is inexplicably paved over into a series of convoluted race tracks. Watch as bitter rivals put aside their decades long blood feud for a day of friendly go karting because if there's one franchise Nintendo likes milking like a prized heifer, it's Mario.

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Engage in epic races across tracks that were clearly not meant for go karts like a congested freeway (Mushroom Bridge), a pinball machine (Waluigi Pinball), a cruise ship (Daisy Cruiser), an active volcano (Grumble Volcano), and even a gay pride parade (Rainbow Road (Wii)). But dude, don't pick that map. Everyone will totally hate you.

Witness the incremental evolution of franchise based go kart combat racing with one off features that disappear after a single game like two man karts (Mario Kart: Double Dash), customizable emblems (Mario Kart DS), and a completely pointless steering wheel peripheral that actually just makes it harder to drive (Mario Kart Wii). But let's be honest, you're gonna buy the next one anyway. (cash register sound)

Battle your way to first place with an arsenal of items with varying degrees of utility like high explosives (Bob-ombs), slap-stick comedy (Banana), decoy item boxes that have never fooled a single driver (Fake Item Boxes), PCP (Star), bulls**t (Lightning), the hollowed out shells of once living breathing Koopas (Triple Red Shells), big-ass bullet (Bullet Bill), and the item that holds the all time record for most ruined friendships, the blue shell (Mario Kart one): a weapon so incredibly evil that it seeks out the lead driver and-- (blue shell hits Mario) Oh, come on! I was right there! This happens every race! Stupid Nintendo! I was in like first the whole freaking time!

Starring: Bob Hoskins (Mario), Green Mario (Luigi), Hannah Montana (Peach), Miley Cyrus (Daisy), Fat Mario (Wario), Shrooms (Toad), a snork (Birdo), Business Kong (Donkey Kong), Ghost Rider (King Boo), Reptar (Yoshi), Bow Wow (Bowser), Lil Bow Wow (Bowser Jr.), and Time Paradoxes (Baby Mario and Baby Luigi). Mario Kart.

And if you suck at racing, there's always battle mode. He he he, balloons.