IF KIDS SHOWS WERE REAL!

IF KIDS SHOWS WERE REAL! is a Smosh video uploaded onto the main channel. This is the fifth episode in the "If...Were Real" Series.

Synopsis
What would is be like if kids shows were actually real?

Introduction
Ian and Anthony are watching Dora the Explorer when Dora asks the viewers what their favorite part of the episode was. Anthony replies that his favorite part was "when Boots stole the burrito and ate it in the tree." Dora responds back, saying she like that part as well. Ian tells Anthony that the show is so dumb, and that the characters can't actually hear him, at which point Anthony reminds him that its a kids show and asks Ian how dumb it would be if kids shows were actually real.

Care Bears
Ian and Anthony are at a bear enclosure when Anthony says he needs to talk to Cheer Bear, claiming "He'll know how to cheer me up." Ian wishes him good luck sarcastically while Anthony hops the fence into the enclosure. However, when Anthony begins to talk to "Cheer Bear," the bear proceeds to maul and rip him apart as Ian screams in horror with Anthony's severed arm thrown right in front of the fence.

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
Zack Taylor says that he's not going to be the Black Ranger.

Blue's Clues
Ian (as Steve Burns) asks the kids if they can find any of Blue's clues. He spots a blue pawprint on the carpet. He touches it with his finger and notices a blue residue or paint. Suddenly, Steve Burns flies into a rage, yelling, "Goddammit, Blue, you got paint in the goddamn house! You bitch!" and kicking Blue into a nearby plant. Realizing that the kids saw and heard everything that just happened, Steve tries to cover up his use of the word "bitch" by explaining that it really means "female dog".

Barney
Barney The Purple Dinosaur is eating people. A screaming (and bloody) Ian, Anthony and a woman are running away from him. A boy is then seen trying to crawl away, but Barney grabs him by the leg, and pulls him in to eat him.

VeggieTales
A squash, a tomato, and a cucumber are shown.

Sesame Street
A doctor (Anthony) and Kermit the Frog from The Muppets (performed by lan) are sitting on a hospital bed next to a dead Cookie Monster. Kermit asks how the Cookie Monster "croaked," and the doctor replies that the Cookie Monster had eaten nothing but cookies for 42 years. After a short pause, the doctor then adds that Cookie Monster also "smoked ass-loads of meth."

Teletubbies
A horrified Ian and Anthony are shown screaming hysterically at a setting human-faced sun (Ian).

Pee-wee's Playhouse
Pee-wee Herman (Anthony) walks into a house while a girl in the back tells him to come in. Peewee then asks if she's ready to see his "Little Peewee" and pulls down his pants. Chris Hansen (Ian) walks up to him and asks Peewee to "have a seat right over there." Peewee complains that all he wanted to do was show her "his little Peewee." He then shows him a Nintendo Wii with a blue P painted on it. The confused Chris Hansen begins to admit that he thought Peewee was referring to his "d*ck," but then eagerly asks if he can play. The two are later shown playing tennis on Wii Sports, and Chris Hansen comments, "Thirty-love, BITCH!"

Reading Rainbow
A boy (possibly the same one from the Barney scene) tells the audience about a book he read called Twilight. The boy remarks, "It f**king sucked!".

Thomas the Tank Engine
An upset and uncomfortable-looking Thomas (Anthony) demands to be killed.

Bob the Builder
Bob is shown as a fat man smoking a cigarette and spitting and burping while hammering a piece of wood.

The Wiggles
The Wiggles are portrayed as mustached pedophiles who are taking photos of and video-taping young children, but flee when the police arrive.

Ending
Ian admits that kids shows would suck if they were real. Anthony said so. Ian then asks why they're even watching Thomas the Tank Engine, and tells Anthony to shut it off. Anthony claims he lost the tv remote. A frustrated Ian pulls out a gun and shoots the TV screen to turn it off. However, the screen ricochets the bullet and hits Anthony in the shoulder. Ian asks Anthony what should he do. Anthony tells Ian to ask the audience for help,  which Ian first doesn't want to do it, Anthony tells him Ian to just do it and Ian eventually agrees to do. Ian turns to the screen and asks the audience  What do you think I should do?'  After asking the audience, Ian exclaims that it's a great idea, Anthony watches,  and Ian hits himself in the head with a inflatable mallet three times and falls on the couch. After seeing  the "great idea," Anthony breaks the fourth wall by thanking the audience, in the process calling them a**holes.

Script
If Kids Shows Were Real/Script

Trivia/Goofs

 * The Pee-Wee's Playhouse scene's beginning is reminiscent of the Captain Planet scene from If Cartoons Were Real. Unlike Captain Planet, Pee-Wee didn't run when Chris Hansen appeared.


 * In the Care Bears scene, the "do not feed the bears" sign is facing the enclosure and inside the cage, meaning that no one could read the sign unless they actually entered the enclosure. In the same segment, Cheer Bear is called a male when she's actually a girl.
 * Kermit the Frog speaks to the doctor in the Sesame Street scene, though Kermit is part of The Muppets rather than Sesame Street.
 * As Anthony was getting mauled, the arm that hits the enclosure is the same fake severed arm prop used since Handshake.
 * Anthony's bullet wound at the end of the video looks like the number three.
 * This is the second time no "censored" bar appears over a girl in the thumbnail, the first time being If Video Games Were Real.
 * The foods shown in the VeggieTales scene are actually fruits, since they all have seeds inside of them.
 * An unofficial logo was used before the Thomas the Tank Engine scene.
 * The photo of Thomas (on which Anthony's face is superimposed) is from an attraction at the Thomas Land section of the Drayton Manor Theme Park in Mile Oak, England.
 * When Ian shoots the TV, an overworked Thomas is seen briefly.
 * Barney the Dinosaur (normally heard at the end of Food Battle since 2008) narrates the subscription ending with another murderous threat.

Subscription Ending
"(Barney's voice) Thanks for subscribing! (laughs) And if you dont, I'll f**king kill you! (laughs)"

Shut Up! Opening
"-(singing) I love you, you love me, we're a happy...SHUT UP!"

Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUYPEhFTdkA