We Found a Dead Guy!/Script

In the house

Anthony: (lifts weights) One!

Ian: (enters) Um, so I think, we need to replace the rug in the living room.

Anthony: Why?

Ian: Well, my aunt was here in this morning with her dog kinda pooped on the rug.

Anthony: Okay dude if it's just dog poop, we can clean it up.

Ian: Okay, it was my aunt! My aunt dropped a load on the rug.

Anthony: What?!

Ian: Okay, it was me! GOD! I took a huge dump on our rug!

Anthony: Oh dude, seriously?!

Ian: Yeah, yeah! O-okay! Can you just help me get rid of the rug?

Anthony: U-uh! U-u-u-u-u-uh!

Ian: Why?

Anthony: Okay, so last week, I miiiiiiight have found a dead body in our house and miiiiiiight have hidden it under the rug so I wouldn't be convicted of murder, and I might have stolen his wallet to buy these sweet-ass twenty-carrot earrings. (shows the earrings made of twenty baby carrots) You jelly?

Ian: Uh yeah! (eats the jar of jelly)

Anthony: Don't worry man, I got you a pear too. See? (gives Ian the pear)

Ian: Oh, thanks man. (starts to eat the pear) Wait, there's a dead guy under our rug?

Anthony: Nooooooo, mmmmmmmm, yeah.

Ian: So that's what I've been tripping over.

In a flashback

Ian: (texts) O M G! L O L! F E C K Y O U! (laughs and trips on the bulge) Ow! Stupid random bulge in the rug!

In another flashback

Ian: Waffle salad, here I co... (trips on the rug) Ow! What the frick random bulge?! (hits the bulge)

In another flashback

Ian: Hey Anthony, check out my house of cards. I didn't use any glue or anything. (trips on the bulge while having the cards in perfect condition) Ow! Freaking random bulge, you ruined everything! (hits the bulge)

Larry: Ow!

(Ian didn't care about the noise and repeatedly hits and bites the bulge)

Back in the present

Ian: So who was he?

Anthony: I don't know, but I miiiiiiight have stolen his wallet which probably has his I.D. in it.

Ian: Dude, really?

Anthony: What?! It's a freaking, fashionable wallet! Who could resist, right? Alright, looks like his name is Larry Smelbutz.

(Ian laughs)

Anthony: What?!

Ian: What kind of name is, Larry...(laughs) Anyway, we should go find out where that guy lives.

Anthony: Yeaaaaah!

In the neighborhood

Anthony: Alright, it says he lives at 353 Gerard Way?

Ian: Dude, that's the same street as ours!

Anthony: Yeah, let's find that son of a bitch!

Ian: Helllll yeah!

(they couldn't find the house on their street)

Anthony: Dude, how could we get lost? He lives on the same street as us.

Ian: Oh dude, there it is.

Anthony: Ahahah!

(they run to the house)

Anthony: Whoa, it just looks like our house man. (runs to the entrance of the house)

Ian: Whoa, it feels the same too. Ohohoh yeahahah! (runs to the entrance of the house)

In the house

(Anthony and Ian enters)

Anthony: Hello?

Ian: Anybody home?

Anthony: (gasps) This Larry douchebag copied my beautiful interior design! He even copied my super-hecka-freaking-sweet Pokémon nativity scene!

Ian: And he copied the same rotting, smelling lump of a dead body underneath the rug.

Ian and Anthony: Waaaaaaiiiiiiiit.

Ian: He has a crush on us, so he decided to copy our entire house so he can pretend to live with us.

Anthony: No idiot, this is our house! Can't you see that?

Ian: Oh. So, does that mean, that guy's been living with us?

Anthony: Wait. (goes to the rug with Ian and finds Larry)

Ian: Dude, that's your cousin! He's been living with us for like four years. How did we forget?

Anthony: Oh yeaaaah!

In I SUCK AT DRAW SOMETHING!

(Anthony tries to reach for the pizza sticking the ceiling while Ian plays Draw Something and Larry eats an ice pop)

Anthony: A little help here.

Ian: Yeah, in a second.

In Best Toy Ever!

(Larry was eating a pancake while Ian and Anthony looked at the Happy Cow flying in circles)

In SIRI TRIED TO KILL ME!

(Larry stands in the background eating a banana)

Anthony: Siri, find me a better friend!

In Magic Keyboard!

(Larry is seen in the background eating a corn dog)

Ian: Hey! What are you doing?! NO NO, NO NO! DON'T DO THAT! DON'T DO... (disappeared)

(Anthony inputed Ctrl+H to activate the find-replace form to replace Ian with a Hot Chick)

Back in the present

Ian: Oh yeah; and remember that one time?

In Ian's imagination

(Ian talks with a Southern accent in the entire thought)

Ian: (gets fed by two girls) Yes, keep feeding me ladies; and one day you might have my pimp babies. (laughs)

Larry: (runs to Ian) Oh man, I want hot babes too! Teach me how to be a pimp just like you.

Ian: Perhaps my sweet, (takes off his sun glasses) but first you must kiss my pimp feet. (laughs repeatedly)

(Larry kisses Ian's feet repeatedly)

Back in the present

Anthony: That never happened!

Ian: Okay it never happened.

Anthony: Do you remember anything about him?

Ian: Well, there was this one time.

In an actual flashback

Larry: (plays a video game) Hey f**ktard, give me an energy drink!

Ian: (flips a pepperoni pizza with a frying pan) Get it yourself, I'm busy.

Larry: Just throw it dick-breath.

Ian: Fine! (throws the energy drink on Larry's head, accidentally kills Larry, sees girls' underwear in Larry's butt crack, and backs away) Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Anthony: (gasps) God, Bella's such a ratchet hoe! (sees Larry) Oh crap! (hides Larry under the rug) Good enough!

Back in the present

(Anthony and Ian were eating waffle salads)

Anthony: So you killed him?

Ian: Yeah, I guess I kinda did. Sorry!

Anthony: Neh, whatever! He was kind of a dick anyway.

Ian: I know, right? So you wanna help me get rid of this stank-ass rug?

Anthony: (spits out a parsley) Hell yeah!

Narrator: Six lunar cycles later...

Anthony: (covers Ian's eyes and opens them) Check out our new (goes to the rug) ruuuuug!

Ian: Woo!

Anthony: (sits on the furniture) And we got some new furniture!

Ian: That sack!

Anthony: And our new tooooooiiiiiiiiet!

(Ian felt disturbed and Anthony sprays the room)