MASS EFFECT

Mass Effect is the fourteenth Honest Games Trailer.

Script
From the Canadian RPG masters (Bioware) who sold their souls to the American Devil (Electronic Arts) comes a franchise chopped full of action, drama, and butts: Mass Effect.

Escape from a reality where you make thousands of tough decisions then die at the end anyways to play through a franchise where you make thousands of tough decisions then die at the end anyways. Experience the gripping choose-your-own-adventure saga of all three Mass Effect games, each with its own unique twist: Mass Effect 1, a game with faster-than-light ships and slower-than-dirt elevators (elevator music plays); Mass Effect 2, where the lives of your crew depend on your patience for mining; and Mass Effect 3, where everyone you've come to know and love dies. (Scenes of Grunt, Mordin, and Miranda dying are shown) Oh, uh, spoilers.

Step back into the boots of Commander Shepard, a white-ish, blackish, Asian-ish man woman who... you know what, let's just go with this guy (picks the default-appearance male). Play as a military commander who's sent off to save the galaxy by being a nice guy to everyone you meet...

''Shepard: You'll get through this. You need to be strong for Sarah now.''

Narrator: ...or a total dick.

Shepard: The Council can kiss my ass!

Narrator: Let's just go with total dick. (Shepard punches out Khalisa al-Jilani)

Travel across the stars with the crew of your awesome ship, the Normandy, full of colorful characters like Joker, the best pilot and worst distance runner in the galaxy; Miranda, a woman who has genetically been modified in all the right places. (the camera zooms in to look at her boobs) Bewbs. Garrus, the best alien bro since Chewbacca (quick clip of Chewbacca is shown); Ashley, a sexy space racist.

Ashley: I can't tell the aliens from the animals.

Kaidan, the guy you let die in the first game because he's not a hot girl; Tali, the hypochondriac who you spent three games wondering if she's hot enough to bang; Jack, the one you don't take home to mom. Wow, still so many of these left. Let's see, badass (Grunt), badass (Thane Krios), badass (Legion), Jersey Shore (James Vega), milf (Dr. Chakwas), nerd (Mordin Solus), boom (Shot of the whole gang).

Form a galatic alliance to stop the evil reapers from wiping out all advanced life forms because they uh... well, they um...

Sovereign: I am beyond your comprehension.

Maybe they explain it in the DLC. Look, they're called Reapers. Of course they're gonna be dicks.

Make love, not war, as you live out your greatest Captain Kirk fantasies by porking hot alien babes (clips of Male Shepard making out with Miranda, Liara and Tali are shown). Live out your greatest Captain Janeway fantasies by doing the same thing as female Shepard (Scenes of Female Shepard with Samantha and Liara); or live out your inner George Takei by getting it on with the galaxy's most eligible batchelors. (Scenes of Male Shepard getting with Kaidan and Steve are shown) Oh my!

So after spending hundeds of hours making decisions that reflect how you would handle every situation, share in the disappointment as your three games worth of choices boil down to which Instagram filter gets pasted over the ending. (Red for Destroy, Blue for Control or Green for Synthesis)

Starring:"Rocky Balbroa (Garrus)""Ass Effect (Miranda)""Sarge from Halo (Admiral Anderson)""Butterface (Tali)""Cortana (EDI)""The Girl With The Stupid Tattoos (Jack)""Battletoad (Wrex)""and Space Jesus (Shepard)."

Mess Effect.

Shepard: I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel.

Sell out!