Life Better-ers!/Script

Near The House
(Ian and Anthony see a kid crying from his twisted ankle and bloody knee)

Ian: Look at that poor kid.

Anthony: Yeah, it's all...bent and twisted.

Ian: Think he could use some help?

Anthony: Yeah.

(Ian and Anthony goes toward the kid)

Ian: Don't worry little guy, we're here to make it all better!

Anthony: Yeah, so we got you (shows a wheel) this new wheel!

(They both laugh and fixed the bike)

Anthony: Yeah!

Ian: (helps the bike stand up) Ah, good as new. Stay safe there buddy.

Anthony: Yeah, (lifts the broken wheel) don't wanna break another wheel!

(Anthony threw the broken wheel away and the two guys laughed and walked away while the boy was still crying)

Ian: Man, I feel so good making that kid's life better.

(The two didn't realize that bike fell on the kid)

kid: Owie!

Anthony: I know, right? Why don't we make more people's lives better?!

Ian: Yeah!

(The two high-fived each other in the air)

narrator: LIFE BETTER-ERS! Haha.

Alternate Version
(Ian and Anthony see a kid crying from his twisted ankle and bloody knee)

Ian: Look at that poor kid.

Anthony: Yeah, it's all bent and twisted.

Ian: Think he can use some help?

Anthony: Nope.

(Sad violin music plays)

fin

Near Apartment building
(Ian and Anthony see a bully beating up a citizen)

Ian: That's horrible!

Anthony: Yeah. We can make it better! (laughs)

(They both walk up to the bully)

Anthony: Stop this nonsense right now!

(Bully stops beating up the citizen)

Ian: Yeah, what are you doing?!

Bully: (takes off his glasses) Excuse me?!

Anthony: Well first of all, your technique is all wrong! You need to lean your body in with the punch to get more force!

Ian: Yeah, and plus when you punch, you wanna bend your knee. That way you don't throw out your back.

(The Bully makes a far worse punch than before to the Citizen)

Bully: Wow, thanks kids!

Anthony: Don't mention it, have fun!

Citizen: What the hell, man? (Gets punched again)

Narrator: LIFE BETTER-ERS!-ERS!

The Park
(A Goth Guy sees a couple)

Goth Guy: One day you'll be mine.

(Ian and Anthony came all of the sudden)

Ian: Got a big crush, huh?

Goth Guy: Yeah, but I think they're in love.

Anthony: Don't worry, we can make it better!

Ian: Yeah!

(Ian and Anthony ran and laughed to the couple)

male of the couple: Imagine a boa constrictor biting an apple.

female of the couple: (gets shocked) Really?

male of the couple: Yeah.

(Anthony sneaked up behind the male of the couple covering his eyes with his jacket and Anthony and Ian beat him until the goth stopped them)

Goth Guy: You idiots! I have a crush on him. (cries)

Ian and Anthony: Ohhhhh. (they both walk away)

Narrator: LIFE BETTER-ERS-ERS-ERS!

Restaurant
Anthony: A boa constrictor?! I mean, more like a banana slug.

(Ian laughs)

Ian: Yeah, I know, right?

(They see a girl crying and sneak up behind her)

Ian: What's wrong?!

One Direction fan: I'm just so sad because the One Direction concert's been cancelled. (cries)

Anthony: Don't worry, we'll make it bete-wait. F**k that!

Ian: Yeah. Later, LOSER!

(they both walk away from the girl while she is still crying)

Narrator: LIFE BETTER-

(Ian interrupted by pouring nachos on the girl)

Narrator: LIFE BETTER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ERS!

Hallway
(The Thief sneaks up on the victim and shows a knife.)

Thief: GIMME YOUR MAN PURSE!

Victim: (takes the bag off) It's a messenger bag!

thief: (takes the bag away) Whatever! (runs off)

(Ian and Anthony sneak up behind the victim)

Anthony: Don't worry, we'll make this better!

Ian: Yeah, let's go!

Anthony: Yeah ha ha!

(The two run off to catch the thief)

(Ian and Anthony bring the thief to the victim)

Ian: We did it!

Anthony: Yeah! We caught the mugger and we got you your man purse! (Gives the messenger bag to the victim)

Ian: We've done our good deed for the day, now it's your turn!

victim: My turn? What d' you, what do you mean "my turn"?

Anthony: He can't be allowed to live.

Ian: He must pay for what he's done in agony (takes the knife from the thief) and blood. (Gives the victim the thief's knife)

Anthony: Kill him!

Victim: Guys, it's not that big of deal, I-I...

Ian: We have sworn to change the world!

Anthony: He has existed only because we've allowed it.

Ian: And you'll end him because we demand it.

victim: Wait, no! I'm not gonna do that!

Ian: Kill him!

victim: NO!

Anthony: Kill him! (Gives the thief to the victim)

victim: NO!

Ian and Anthony: KILLHIMKILLHIMKILLHIMKILLHIM(Victim:NO!) KILLHIM (Victim:NO!) KILLHIMKILLHIMKILLHIMKILLHIM!!!

(the victim stabs the robber in the face repeatedly)

Anthony: Feel better now?

Victim: I certainly do!

Ian, Anthony, and the victim: All right! (They high-five each other)

narrator: LIFE-BETTER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ERS! HYEAH!

Alternate Ending
(After the victim killed the thief)

Ian: Oh, what the f**k?

(the victim stopped killing the thief)

Anthony: Why did you kill him?!

victim: You-you-you told me to kill him!

Ian: We were just joking, man!

victim: But you...

Anthony: Sick freak!

Ian: Yeah, have fun in jail, sicko!

narrator: LIFE BETTER-ERS!

(police sirens are heard foreshadowing the victim's arrest)

narrator: Super!