IF BOARD GAMES WERE REAL 2/Script

This is the script for IF BOARD GAMES WERE REAL 2.

Shut Up! Opening
Random Man: Are they called board games because they make you bored when you play them?

Ian Hecox: SHUT UP!

Introduction
(It starts with Ian Hecox playing with an Ouija Board attempting to contact the dead. Naturally, Anthony Padilla looks bewildered.)

Ian Hecox (IH): Dude, this game sucks. I've been trying to contact the dead for two hours and the only time the piece moved was when I sneezed and the ghost said no.

Anthony Padilla (AP): Come on, you know board games aren't real. They'll be stupid if they're real.

IH: Oh yeah? (turns back to the board before looking up at the ceiling briefly before looking back down again) Oh great and powerful spirits, would board games be stupid if they were real?

(A while passed with no response.)

IH: Guess we'll never know for sure.

Perfection
Boy (Ian Hecox): Oh yeah. I don't know these shapes... it's so difficult... gonna make the right selection...

Game man (Anthony Padilla): Time's up!

Boy: What?

(Suddenly, the man pushes out the shapes that the boy had put in due to him running out of time.)

Game man: Guess you didn't fit all the pieces in you dumb slow idiot! Pick it all up now!

Boy: Living with OCD is hard.

(The man proceeds to push the board again to knock off any remaining pieces stuck to the board, causing the boy to cry.)

Boy: Why did my mom let you in my house?

Chutes and Ladders
Man (Anthony Padilla): Nothing I'm just standing on a ladder. (drops his phone into a chute.) Chute!

Jenga
Construction worker 1 (Anthony Padilla): This building sure is tall! How'd you end up getting those materials for these last ten floors?

Construction worker 2 (Ian Hecox) Oh it's really simple. I just took some of the extra stuff that was on the bottom and I just put it up on the top.

Construction worker 1: Wait what!

(The building they're in naturally collapses.)

Mouse Trap
Homeowner (Ian Hecox): Thanks so much for coming that mouse has been terrorizing me for weeks. I think I saw that little bastard skittering around there.

Exterminator (Anthony Padilla): Great! Let me go set up my traps!

(One intense trap setup later.)

Exterminator: All right there we go! Are you ready to... trap a mouse?

Homeowner: You bet your keister right!

(The exterminator activates his trap which doesn't work.)

Exterminator: Let me go set that up again!

(The homeowner stops him.)

Homeowner: Please leave.

Exterminator: Oh!

Sorry!
(Two men accidentally bump into each other.)

Man 1 and Man 2 (Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla): Oh Oh sorry sorry yeah.

The Settlers of Catan
Settler (Anthony Padilla): Alright! Well, glad I saw your ad on Craigslist! I'll take it!

Salesman (Ian Hecox): Great! That'll be six thousand dollars!

Settler: Okay or how about instead I'll give you two wheat three ores one wood?

Salesman: No thanks. I'll just take the cash. Also, your hat sucks.

Settler: I know. I don't like it anyway. I didn't like it. Stupid.

Clue
IH: I mean my collection of waxes are like none other... (sees Shayne Topp dead) Oh my god Shane!

(Ian, Olivia, Keith, and Anthony all rush over to see Shanye's body.)

IH: Shane! No! (to his friends) No... Shane... he's dead.

(The other three friends gasps in horror briefly.)

Keith Leak Jr. (KL): Oh I wonder who did it!

Olivia Sui (OS): Oh cool a murder mystery!

AP: Yes oh my god! Finally, something exciting happens here!

IH: No guys! We need to call the cops!

AP: Oh yeah and give them all the fun detective work? No thank you! (to Olivia Sui and Keith Leak Jr.) How do you guys want to crack this case?

OS: Oh I think it was the maid!

AP: I think it happened in the ballroom!

IH: Guys! This is a studio apartment! None of those things exist in this room!

Go Fish
Ash Ketchum: All right Pikachu! I choose you!

(Ash proceeds to throw out a pokéball that holds Pikachu to send him out.)

Pikachu (Noah Grossman): Pikachu!

Metrosexual Hipster: Go Fish!

(The metrosexual hipster then throws out his pokéball that has his pokémon, revealed to be an actual dead fish.)

Ash Ketchum (disappointed by what happened): Something is seriously wrong with you!

Epilogue
IH: Okay you're right. Board games will be stupid if they are real.

AP: Yeah and so would ghosts.

(Suddenly, the lighting in the house started flickering with strange child noises.)

IH: Oh man! When you're gonna get that fixed?

AP: Yeah I tried calling the electrician but every time I pick up the phone it's a guy yelling at me in Latin.

(Ian proceeds to pick up the phone just to hear a creepy voice speaking in Latin. Fed up, he puts back the receiver.)

IH: Dude I hate telemarketers.

(Then, the Ouija Board gets lit on fire.)

AP: I thought the California drought was over.

IH: Damn, global warming's a shame.

Subscription ending
IH: Hey guys thank you so much for subscribing and hitting that bell right below the video. To see bloopers from this video and all the other crazy shenanigans we had going on this week at Smosh click the box on the left and to see our first If Board Games Were Real click the box on the right.