Going to the Mountains/Script

[video starts with Ian and Anthony driving and singing in a forest]

Ian and Anthony 

(singing)

Going to the Mountains! Going to the mountains! Go, go, go, go to the mountains! Going to the mountains! (van stops)

Anthony 

(confused)

Dude, why are you stopping?

Ian

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(singing)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">I am out of gas. I am stopping right now.

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;">(annoyed)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Dude shut the hell up, what are we going to do?

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian 

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(singing)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">We are trapped in the forest. We are totally screwed man.

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Wha- I gave you gas money.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Oh yeah.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(reaches down and pulls out easy button)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">I spent it on this.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(pushes button: that was easy)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(stern)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">You’re an idiot. (gets out of the car)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian 

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(gets out of the car too and follows Anthony)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Dude, where are you going? <span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">I’m going to get some gas.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(opens the trunk and pulls out backpack)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Why are you bringing all of that stuff?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">In case we get lost.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Oh, well in that case, I’m bringing this.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(pulls gun out of the trunk)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Where’d you get that?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Found it under my dad’s bed. Pretty cool, huh?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Why are you bringing that stupid thing.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(points to easy button)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">I don’t know. For good luck?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(grabs easy button and throws it into the forest)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Not anymore.

<p style="text-align:center;">(Easy button is pressed: That was easy.)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: (angry)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">What the hell man?! I paid five bucks for that! (runs off into the forest)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: (annoyed)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Sorry.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(closes the trunk door and follows Ian; they are followed by a  <span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">camera as if someone is watching them)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Where’d it go?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">I don’t know. Who cares?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Well, I mean, that thing was very important to me.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Important?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Yeah, it was important. You know if you don’t find it you’re going to owe me some big bucks. Some major ducketts

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: It’s somewhere over here.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(they hear sounds behind a stump)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Whose there? (pulls out a small spade)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: (pulls out gun) I’m gonna shoot it.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: (holding broccoli) Wait! Wait! Don’t shoot me. You must listen to me, humans. You’re in grave danger my brother-

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: DEMON! (shoots the elf several times)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: (falls over, struggling to breathe) The broccoli is co-

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: DIE! DIE! DIE! (shoots him several more times)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(Strange Elf dies, his head falls on easy button: that was easy)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian <span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">: The easy button! (picks it up)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Broccoli! (takes several bites of the broccoli) Want some?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Where’s the car?

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: I don’t know. Which way did we come from?

Ian<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">: Uh…that way? <span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(Anthony shrugs and walks in the direction Ian pointed)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Paris Hilton?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Not hot.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Reese Witherspoon?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: MILF.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Uh, Angelina Jolie?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Not hot.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: What? What’s wrong with her?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian <span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">: She has like big puffer fish lips.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Her lips are fine.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Oh, yeah, okay, yeah, like, well Angelina Jolie’s like "Eugh I’m the hottest thing in the world. I got big lips, na na na na na. I can curve a bullet."

(Anthony's stomach grumbles as he tugs on it)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: (grunts) I’ll be right back. (hands Ian the binoculars)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(farting sounds)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Where are you going, man?

(Anthony runs holding his ass as Ian looks disgusted. He puts his gun away and uses the binoculars)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Ian where’d you put the toilet paper?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: It’s in your backpack!

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: I looked in here. All that's in here is sandpaper.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: (sighs, exasperated) Just use the sandpaper!

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Fine! OW! OW! OOUCH! Okay, I’m done!

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Hey there’s something on the tree over there. (they walk to “missing” sign on tree)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Is this supposed to be us? (takes it off the tree)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Well, duh. It looks just like us.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: You think there is a road around here or something?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Wouldn’t hurt to check. (looks around through binoculars and spots their car) Whoa, I think…Yeah, I see our car over there.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(They're standing nearby. They high five, but when they get to the car, the strange elf walks out with a gun)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: Well, well, well, look who we have here.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: What the hell? I thought we killed you.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: Hand me the red button.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: (pulls out the easy button) What, why?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: Because, the red button possesses a great power that you puny humans are incapable of understanding.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: But, I bought this from a homeless guy.

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">He was no homeless guy!

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(flashback to Ian buying the easy button from someone)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">He was Darien Elderholm, a rogue wizard with a drinking problem. Somehow, you managed to buy the red button from him before I could get to it

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(the elf was nearby and he makes a slit throat motion)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;"> but I couldn’t let you get away with it, oh no.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(flashback to the elf stealing a bicycle from a man)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">I followed you into the mountains and waited for you to come down this dirt road.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">(The elf has a shotgun and fires it)

<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">I then shot a hole in your gas tank (cuts to the car running out of gas) and waited for you to run out of gas. I would have killed you right there, but your idiot friend (cuts to scenes from beginning of the video) tossed the button into the forest. So then I followed you into the forest and waited for a good chance to kill you and your stupid friend.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: But I shot you ten times.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: Ah, but I played a little trick on you! (shows Anthony and Ian hearing the strange sounds, with the elf hiding behind a stump and an identical being with him) Somehow you found out that I was following you, so I sent out my identical twin brother to coax you two into eating broccoli laced with laxatives. My backstabbing brother tried to warn you of my insidious plan, but before he revealed it, you killed him and ate the broccoli anyway.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Wait a second, why laxatives?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: Well you see, I knew that soon after your friend ate the laxatives, (shows Anthony taking the number two from before; the elf stealthily switches out the sandpaper and TP rolls) he would have to go drop a deuce. So, while he was relieving himself, I switched his roll of toilet paper with a roll of sandpaper, laced with a flesh-eating virus.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: What?!

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: (cuts to the elf checking "Anthony's Medical Record") But, then I found out he was immune to flesh-eating viruses. But, never mind that. Now, I'm gonna take what's rightfully mine. And I'm gonna kill you.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Wait.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: What now?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: You never even told us what the button does.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: (sighs) I already said you puny humans are incapable of understanding. But, since I'm gonna kill you, I guess I'll tell you anyway. So, the red button has this magical power that grants wishes. All you have to say is "Big Red Button", and then you tell it your wish.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: That's it?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: Yeah.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: Big Red Button. Give everyone in the world a boner.

(A series a magical bells sound, the elf begins to slouch)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Strange Elf: Oh. Well, I suppose you didn't do it right, 'cause I don't have a boner if that's what you're thinking. Uh, I'll be back for you two. (leaves)

(Ian pushed the Easy Button one last time: That was easy.)

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: I can't believe that worked. But, what's a boner? Is this a boner?

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Ian: No, that's your belly button.

<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif;line-height:16px;">Anthony: Oh.

(The end of the video. A message appears "Based on a true story.")