ANGRY BIRDS

Angry Birds is the 99th Honest Game Trailer.

Script
In a world where the mobile gaming market is dominated by games about gluttony and perpetual warfare, get ready for a game that shows you the lighter side of suicide bombing: Angry Birds.

Welcome to the colorful, kid-friendly war-torn hellscape of Angry Birds, where you'll join up with a band of pissed-off, overweight bird blobs and rescue their eggs from a group of spherical pigs that are also green for some reason, by slingshotting your friends into their pig shanties until their entire empire is reduced to rubble. Oh, the pigmanity!

Ignore your family and friends and absorb yourself into the addictive gameplay loop of Angry Birds, as you spend hours precisely aiming the intentionally imprecise slingshot for those final stars, until you momentarily get a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you don't get out of your actual life. Then realize you've missed Thanksgiving because you were busy playing the video game equivalent of a cup-and-ball game.

Dive beak-first into the avian-splattering action as you ram bird after bird into the game's steadily increasing difficulty curve, where useful birds like the fast one (Chuck), the fat one (Terence), and the one that's just a straight-up kamikaze (Bomb), are few and far between, and you're always stuck with the boomerang parrot that's impossible to aim (Hal), the splitting birds that have all the impact of a sackful of napkins (The Blues), and the terrifying lady bird that is also an egg who then lays more eggs, which then explode (Matilda). Just don't think about it too hard.

Plumb the depths of the immense Angry Birds catalog, and discover the almost unbelievable amount of bullsh** Rovio mined out of a single franchise as they push the exploitation of their simple physics puzzle game to the absolute limit. Featuring the original game that was basically just Crush the Castle with cuter art design; the incremental sequels, with some different art and minor gameplay tweaks (Angry Birds Seasons); the full sequel, crammed to the brim with microtransactions (Angry Birds 2); the one with the lady birds (Angry Birds Stella); the Rio tie-in (Angry Birds Rio); the Star Wars tie-ins (Angry Birds Star Wars I and II); the one that was an RPG (Angry Birds Epic); the one that was Mario Kart (Angry Birds Go!); the one that was Bubble Bobble (Angry Birds POP!); the one that was Puzzle Quest (Angry Birds Fight!); the weird Transformers one where you just run around blowing stuff up in the background (Angry Birds Transformers); and the new game that's kind of just sh**ier pinball (Angry Birds Action!). Not to mention the merchandising empire, multiple TV shows, and an animated film, because why just make some of the money when you can make all of it?

So grab the Angry Birds game cross-branded with your favorite franchise and settle in for a seriously entertaining dump, or just pick up one of the many rip-off games, because the mobile gaming market isn't going to stop shoveling sh** down our throats until we stop eating it. So never.

Starring Red Robin, Yummmmm (Red), The Blues Brothers (The Blues), Mega Abortion (Matilda), A Really Old Hershey's Kiss (Chuck), Explosive Personality (Bomb), Dove's Real Beauty Campaign (Terence), and America (The Mighty Eagle).

Pissy Parakeets.

So, wait, are all the new games just gonna have the movie versions of the Angry Birds now? That's super weird. Imagine if they'd done that with Mario. (shows clip from the Super Mario Bros. movie)