Camp In A Van/Script

ANNOUNCER

 Hey, slagger! Do you want to go to SUMMER CAMP?

BILLY HAMBURGER

Yeah!

ANNOUNCER

For one day, all by yourself in a swanky little van!

BILLY'S MOM

Wait, that doesn't sound very safe....

ANNOUNCER

It's cheap as hell!

BILLY'S MOM

Okay! (throws Billy outside)

(Camp In A Van theme music plays)

BILLY

Is this the van that takes me to camp?

ANNOUNCER

Of course it isn't, sport - this is the camp!

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">AARRRUUUGGGHHHH!!!!

<p style="text-align:center;">ROBERT

<p style="text-align:center;">Hi, I'm Camp Counselor Robert. You ready to have some fun?

<p style="text-align:center;">ANNOUNCER

<p style="text-align:center;">At Camp in a Van, you`ll make all sorts of new friends, like Bobby.

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">I don`t know that man.

<p style="text-align:center;">BOBBY

<p style="text-align:center;">Hey Billy! It's me your best friend. I hear you like video games and your mother is a...nurse and your father is... dead.

<p style="text-align:center;">(somber music starts)

<p style="text-align:center;">BOBBY

<p style="text-align:center;">Sorry, kid.

<p style="text-align:center;">ANNOUNCER

<p style="text-align:center;">Engage in your favorite summertime activites like... swimming lessons.

<p style="text-align:center;">ROBERT

<p style="text-align:center;">You're swimming, Billy!

<p style="text-align:center;">ANNOUNCER

<p style="text-align:center;">Sailing

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">Ahhh!

<p style="text-align:center;">ANNOUNCER

<p style="text-align:center;">Campfire Songs

<p style="text-align:center;">(All start coughing)

<p style="text-align:center;">ANNOUNCER

<p style="text-align:center;">Horseback riding

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">Ahhh!

<p style="text-align:center;">ANNOUNCER

<p style="text-align:center;">Arts & Crafts

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">What does it mean?

<p style="text-align:center;">ROBERT

<p style="text-align:center;">It means you've killed someone on the inside.

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">...inside the van?

(Billy looks over to see Bobby dead and a knife in his hand)

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

<p style="text-align:center;">ANNOUNCER

<p style="text-align:center;">Making out with your summertime crush, Dolores.

<p style="text-align:center;">DOLORES

<p style="text-align:center;">Call the police

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY

<p style="text-align:center;">I can't, he hid my phone in his no-no place.

<p style="text-align:center;">ROBERT

<p style="text-align:center;">Alright now kiss you two lovebirds.

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY: What I don't even know her!

<p style="text-align:center;">ROBERT: Shut up you're in love!

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY and DOLORES: No no

<p style="text-align:center;">(Police sirens start going off)

<p style="text-align:center;">ROBERT: Uh.. look at the time.. uh.. I guess I'll see you next summer Billy.

<p style="text-align:center;">(throws Billy, Dolores and Bobby's body out the back of the van and drives off)

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY and DOLORES: Ahhh

<p style="text-align:center;">BILLY: Wait, this isn't my house; where the heck are we!?

<p style="text-align:center;">Hispanic Gangster #1: Hey where you from ese?

<p style="text-align:center;">Billy: Uh no no

<p style="text-align:center;">(Sees Billy's tattoo on his eye)

<p style="text-align:center;">Hispanic Gangster #1: Wait speedy, he's been inside. Aye respect.

<p style="text-align:center;">(checks out Dolores)

<p style="text-align:center;">Hispanic Gangster #1: Hasta luego chica

<p style="text-align:center;">Dolores: Hola biblioteca