MANSPIDER!/Script

(Ian plays Super Mario Land on the Nintendo DS Lite and then finds Anthony walking in as Manspider)

IAN

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?

ANTHONY

Well, you see I was at work.

(A flashback is shown him working at a construction site)

And I saw this radioactive spider and I thought if it bit me, I would become Spider-man.

(Gives the spider a chance to bite him)

But it wouldn't bite me.

(The flashback disappears)

So, I bit the spider.

(Flashback reappears showing him biting the spider and then the flashback disappears again)

And, now I look like this.

Ian

So now you're Spider-man?

Anthony

No, I'm not Spider-man. I'm Manspider.

Narrator

MANSPIDER!

Ian: Cool! So can you climb up walls.

Anthony: No.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Shoot web?

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: Not exactly.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Well, then, the hell can you do?

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: Only the most badass thing ever! This! (he starts punching Ian)

(Ian gets annoyed)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: What the hell, man? Stop it; it's annoying! (punches Anthony)

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony

<p style="text-align:center;">Augh! Fist's on my kryptonite. (Fakes his death)

<p style="text-align:center;">Narrator

<p style="text-align:center;">MANSPIDER!

(At the park)

<p style="text-align:center;">Manspider (V.O.)

<p style="text-align:center;">My roommate disowned me. My parents were killed in a freak thumb wrestling accident. My life sucks ass. But this city needs a hero, someone who will bring justice to criminals. And it is I, Manspider, who will be the one to do it.

(Fails at falling down the slide and gets up)

<p style="text-align:center;">Manspider (talks out)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ha!

(Runs finding crime)

<p style="text-align:center;">Elder

<p style="text-align:center;">Here you go, little squirrelies.

(Feeds the squirrels)                                                          Enjoy!

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony:

(pops up all of sudden)                                                    Littering!

(Punches the man)

<p style="text-align:center;">Narrator

<p style="text-align:center;">MANSPIDER!

(At the pool)

Skinny Dipper #1: Who wants to go (takes off the towel) skinny dipping?

Anthony: No one! Hi-ya! (Hits the skinny dipper with a towel)

(The camera shows the dipper falling in the pool repeatedly for 23 seconds)

Skinny Dipper #2: Ahh, I wanted to go skinny dipping.

Anthony: Oh, ah, you can.

Skinny Dipper #2: Yay! (Starts to go to the pool) Wheeeeeeee!

Anthony: NOT! Hi-ya! (Hits the other skinny dipper with a towel making her fall into the pool) JUSTICE SERVE!

Narrator: MANSPIDER!

(At the sidewalk in a local road)

Lady: (Sees Manspider) Spider-man!

Anthony: (Punches the lady down) Manspider!

(At the sidewalk near the park)

Handicap boy: (Sees Manspider) Spider-man!

Anthony: (Punches the handicap boy) Manspider!

Narrator: MANSPEEDER!

(At the park)

old man: (Sees Manspider) Manspider!

Anthony: (Punches the old man down) Spider-man! (He realized his mistake of what the old man said) Oh sh...

Narrator: MAN.. SPAH!

(Near a warehouse)

(Manspider sees getting beat up)

Manspider (thoughts): Finally, some real crime.

Manspider (talking out): Hey punks, why don't you pick on someone your own size?!

Bully #1: (giggles) Ah, yeah; we are.

Bully #2: Yeah! (pushes Billy) He's roughly the same height and weight as us.

Anthony: If you two want to fight, you just bought yourself a one-way ticket to the hospital!

Bully #1: Oh no; Spider-man's gonna hurt us!

(The two bullies laugh)

Anthony: The name... is... MANSPIDER!

(Manspider runs in slow motion about to fight the bullies while Billy cheers for Manspider)

All of the sudden at the hospital

(Two guys are helping Manspider in the hospital)

EMS guy: Guys 51-50, we need 50C4X stat.

Anthony: MOMMY!

At an apartment building

(The other narrators ends the story of Manspider)

Other Narrator: So ends the brief tale of Manspider. Hopefully we'll never see or hear from him ever again.

(Manspider does a face punch on the other narrator sending him off a skyscraper and Manspider gives him the finger six times)

Narrator: MANSPIDERP!

(Manpider and his logo get derp eyes)

Deleted Scene
At a restaurant

Man: Alright, that milkshake was great. (Leaves a five dollar tip) Ready to hit?

(His date agreed)

(Manspider slams the man down)

Anthony: YOU CALL THAT A TIP? YOU ONLY TIPPED, 15%?! AUGH! (Keeps on punching the man)