Wii U Sports is Awesome!/Script

Introduction
NARRATOR

Wii Sports was a massive success... until people realized it got boring after five minutes.

GRAMPS

Boring. (throws his Wiimote on the ground)

BILLY

I'm too old for this s**t! (throws his Wiimote on the ground also)

NARRATOR

But not anymore!

HAMBURGERS

(gasp in excitement)

NARRATOR

Introducing Wii U Sports for the Wii U! We've taken the original Wii Sports games and fixed them, so they don't suck anymore. Like everyone's favorite: Wii Tennis!

Wii U Tennis
(Mr. Hamburger and Gramps are playing tennis. Then, a power-up appears.)

MRS. HAMBURGER

Hit the power-up!

(Mr. Hamburger hits the power-up)

Computer Voice: Machine gun.

(Mr. Hamburger shoots Grampa's Mii)

MR. HAMBURGER: Yaaaahhhh!! Take that, Gramps!

(Gramps pretends to die in real life as Mr. Hamburger kills Gramps' Mii)

BILLY

Grandpa died! Me next! Me next!

NARRATOR

Another Wii Sports classic we brought to the Wii U is golf.

Wii U Golf
(Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger are in one golf cart while Mrs. Hamburger is hitting the ball with her club, while Billy and his grandfather are in another golf cart and Billy is hitting the ball with his club, until the two golf carts collide.)

Hamburgers: (indistinct fighting noises)

(The golf cart Billy and his grandfather were in knocks Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger's golf cart into the bunker and it explodes.)

Billy and Gramps: (give a high-five to each other)

MRS. HAMBURGER

(slaps her husband on the back of head) What happened?!

(Billy and his Grandfather's golf cart run over Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger's Miis continuously)

Narrator: And now you can get revenge on your family for putting you in that retirement home with Wii U Boxing!

Wii U Boxing
(Billy and his mother are cheering for Gramps as his Mii beats up Mr. Hamburger's Mii.)

MRS. HAMBURGER: FINISH HIM!!!

(Gramps' Mii jumps up and rips Mr. Hamburger's Mii's head off. Then Mrs. Hamburger and Billy cheers for Gramps for his fatality, while Mr. Hamburger is unimpressed. Gramps' Mii then rips Mr. Hamburger's Mii's spine out.)

Narrator: But we didn't just remake your old favorites; we're also featuring a bunch of new sports to play, like Wii U Gladitor!

Wii U Gladiators
(Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger's Miis are swordfighting while Billy's Mii appears in a chariot and slices his dad's Mii in half from his waist.)

Billy: Ha! Eat s***t and die, Dad!

Narrator: And to really please the guys, there's Wii U Mud Wrestling!

Wii U Mud Wrestling
(Mrs. Hamburger and Gramps (both as female Miis) are mud wrestling.)

Mr. Hamburger: Do a double jump!(?)

Billy: Grab her from behind!

Mr. Hamburger: Double jump! Double jump!(?)

Gramps: This is so hot!

Narrator: And finally, we're bringing one of the most popular sports to Wii U: Juggling!

Wii U Juggling
(Mr. Hamburger and Billy are juggling chainsaws)

Billy: Juggling is my favorite sport!

(Mr. Hamburger loses his grip on the nunchuk, then kills Billy not only in the game, but in real life.)

Mr. Hamburger: Oops! I just killed my son!

(Mr. Hamburger realizes that he killed his son in real life, and he, Mrs. Hamburger, and Gramps start mourning.)

Narrator: And now, for added realism, if you die in the game, your controller will inject you with a deadly neruotoxin and kill you. In real life!

Mr. Hamburger: What?!

(Mr. Hamburger's Mii accidentally throws the remaining chainsaws and kills Mrs. Hamburger and Gramps' Miis, and kills them in real life.)

Narrator: But don't worry, you can use the Wii Remote as defibrillators!

Mr. Hamburger: Oh, thank God! (uses the Wii Remote and the Nunchuk as defibrillators) Clear!

(Billy is resurrected from death.)

Billy: Ah! Oh! This game is so realistic! Wii U Sports is the best!

(The Hamburgers start hugging each other.)

Narrator: It sure is! And you better keep playing it, or we'll kill you again!

Hamburgers: (gasp in fear)

(The Hamburgers are then showed tortured and crying.)

Ending
Narrator: Wii U Sports for the Wii U. You'll never want to stop playing!

Billy: (crying) Why?!