Super Powers!/SCRIPT

Introduction
Ian and Anthony are sitting on the couch.

Ian

What would you say if I had the ability to fly?

Anthony

Why would you want that power?

Ian

Because flying is awesome?

Anthony

Yeah, but, that would suck if you were wearing a kilt. Everyone would be able to see your junk when you're flying.

Ian

Yeah, true. Well, what power would you choose?

X-Ray Vision
Anthony: What about X-ray vision?

Narrator: X-RAY VISION! Anthony peeks out from a bush and looks at a girl.

Anthony: Ooh! Oh damn! Yeah! Mmmm, that is so hot!

It is revealed that he can only see her skeleton.

Anthony: Yeah, girl, that is so hot.

Shrinking Ability
Transition back to the couch.

Ian: No, that's dumb. What about the ability to shrink yourself?

Narrator: SHRINKING ABILITY!

Ian has successfully shrunken himself.

Ian: Whoa, cool! Wait. Why does this place look familiar? [looks up] AAAHHH!!!

We see the shrunken Ian on the table, and is promptly crushed by Anthony by the catalog from Food Battle 2009.

Anthony (FB 2009): How 'bout this toothbrush?

Mind Reading
Transition back to the couch.

Anthony: What about the ability to read minds?

Narrator: MIND READING!

We see ''Anthony using a Shake-Weight. He appears to be really getting into it.''

Ian (thoughts): Oh my God, that looks so wrong... (laughs).

Anthony: [disgusted] Oh, God!

''Cut outside to see the boys watching the same girl from the X-Ray sequence, who is licking a popsicle in a sexual manner. Anthony turns to Ian, whose thoughts have been blank the entire time.''

Anthony: Seriously, nothing?

Ian: What?

The Ability To Know If A Movie's Crappy Just By Looking At Its Cover
Transition back to the couch.

Ian: What about the ability to know if a movie's crappy just by looking at it's cover?

'''Narrator: THE ABILITY TO KNOW IF A MOVIE'S CRAPPY... JUST BY LOOKING AT IT'S... COVER.'''

Anthony walks up to Ian, holding a DVD copy of Speed Racer (2008).

Anthony: Hey, I just got that, uh, new Speed Racer movie -

Ian slaps the DVD out of his hand.

Ian: NOOO GOD! NO GOD, PLEASE NO! NO! NOOOOO - !

The Ability To Pee While Standing Up
Transition back to the couch.

Ian: What about the ability to pee while standing up?

Anthony: Uh, guys can already do that. Even some girls can.

Ian: [somewhat taken back] Uh - I'm joking man. Of course I'm able to... pee while standing up. Dude, I've been doing that since I was, like, fourteen.

An awkward beat ensues.

Hearing Dog's Thoughts
Anthony: Anyway, what about the ability to hear your dog's thoughts?

Narrator: HEARING DOG'S THOUGHTS!

''Anthony is sitting on a couch, eating a hot dog. A dog is sitting in front of him, staring intently at Anthony.''

Dog (thoughts): Hey, give me the hot dog! Give me the hot dog! Hey give me the hot dog! Give me the hot dog! Hey, give me the hot dog! Give me the hot dog! JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAMN HOT DOG!

The last line seems to startle Anthony.

Water Morphing
Transition back to the couch.

Anthony: How about the ability to turn into water?

Narrator: WATER MORPHING?

''We see Ian taking a glass of water off the table. He starts to drink it.''

Anthony: NOOOOOO!!!

''Ian promptly stops drinking. The camera pans left to see Anthony with a worried look on his face.''

Anthony: That's my water!

Supersonic Screeching Scream
Transition back to the couch.

Ian: Oh! What if I had a supersonic screeching scream?

Narrator: [monotone] Supersonic Screeching Scream.

We see Anthony in the middle of a field, far away from the camera, holding various objects in his right hand.

Anthony: [distant] Hey, so, the funny thing about this is if you actually look really closely, you can see -

Ian pops up from under the camera.

Ian: (screams obnoxiously loudly)

Ending
Transition back to the couch.

Ian: You know, now that I think about it, all those powers would suck really bad.

Anthony: [annoyed] Yeah, but what about the ability to detect when your friend's feeling really awkward? 'Cause you've been sitting on his lap this entire time!

We see that not only is Ian's legs sprawled out across Anthony's lap, but he is also wearing a kilt.

Ian: Why would you ever need that power?

Anthony throws a questioning look at Ian.

Ian: Well, anyway, I gotta go, man.

''Ian gets up off the couch and begins to fly upwards. Unfortunately, Anthony's view goes up with Ian and he is soon able to see Ian's junk. He quickly looks away in disgust.''

Anthony: [disgusted] Oh God! Dude!

Credits
Dog: To see our bonus video with more super powers and bloopers, go to Smosh.com! Thanks for subscribing! A-And give me a hot dog!

Invisibility
Anthony: Invisibility.

Narrator: INVISIBILITY!

''Anthony walks up to a women's restroom, turns invisible, goes in, and hides in the trash can. Unfortunately, an overweight man disguised as a woman walks in. The man starts to take his shirt off, causing Anthony to throw up.''

Extended Ending
Anthony: [disgusted] Oh God, Dude! Did you - ew!

Ian flies back down.

Ian: What?

Anthony: A-a kilt?! Did you - did you seriously have to - never mind, just - just go. Okay?

Ian: Alright.

Ian flies back up.