DISNEY'S STAR WARS BLIND DATE

Plot
After buying the Star Wars franchise, Disney is watching the ratings carefully and will do anything to make sure it does not suck balls. Disney presents Disney's Star Wars: Blind Date. The bachelors are Anthony Padilla and Ian Hecox. So the show begins.

Anthony asks Ian about who he is dating, which is a girl named Jenny. Anthony wonders why Ian's date sounds hot. Ian suddenly finds their dates who look "so freaking space hot". Anthony does not think someone saying "space" make them sound cool. Ian thinks it does, saying that Anthony's a space dickhole. In the space ratings system line graph, the line is definitely below from being an "actual good show like Game of Thrones", but starts in between the pregnancy episode in Degrassi Next Generation and Kim Kardashian's death episode. However, the line drops to the rating of the death episode as the audience wants to see some actual hot people quickly.

Ian realized that the hot is Fetlipernoognumnum Treviggan...ack (Gillian Tarkington) and that the alien one is Jenny Liner (Brittni Barger) which mentions a sand person in it. Ian reminds him that they are called Tusken Raiders and calls him a space racist, but Anthony shushes him and decides to start the date. In the space ratings system line graph, the line lowers slightly above the Full House reruns rating due to a decline in male viewers and decides to show something they like. The show shows Fetlipernoognumnum's boobs. The ratings move back up almost right in the middle of Kim's death episode rating and the Full House rating and keeps increasing.

Ian tries to ask Jenny about how she makes her face so "pretty". Jenny spits out goo and states that she uses a lemon extract moisturizer with a natural lilac cream base. Ian "thought" she had the voice of an angel. The ratings are lowering right in the middle of the death episode and Full House due to more decline of male viewers and decides to appeal to them by showing more action.

Anthony pulls Ian into a lightsaber fight with Ian confused. Anthony states that he and Ian have to contractually be obligated into a lightsaber battle every three minutes in order to qualify as an official Star Wars product. In the space rating system line graph, the line lowers in the middle of Full House and Ian Hecox's White Trash Wedding due to action not being "female friendly" and decides to make the action more like it.

The lightsabers' colors changed from green to purple for Anthony and from blue to pink for Ian, which makes Anthony confused. Ian decides to attack Anthony, but accidentally slices one of Bon Solo's (Ryan Todd) arms. Bon complains about it while Ian mentions that they should've gotten lightsaber training beforehand. Anthony mentions Ian's "just not a Jedi master like him" and decides to use this as an opportunity to attack Ian, but accidentally slices off Bon Solo's other arm which he also complained. In the space rating system line graph, the line lowers to Ian's White Trash Wedding as the show plans for reality TV tropes to add in the drama.

Just then, Fetlipernoognumnum Treviggan...ack announces that Anthony has a baby (even though they never even kissed) while Ian reminds him that space sex is dangerous. In the space ratings line graph, the line lowers as the show orders for more drama.

All of the sudden, a Stormtrooper (Myke Soler) starts to arrest Anthony for sending nudes to the emperor. Ian reminds Anthony about the warning of putting dick pics on the Space Internet. Anthony states that he took it because of a rash to show to his doctor. Ian asked how he got it mixed up which Anthony states that the doctor had an Indian name called Sendto Internet. He also reminds Ian not to be racist. In the line graph, the line lowers to the American Idol rating while deciding to add one last huge twist.

All of the sudden, Jenny reveals here true, human self. She reveals that she's a Victoria Secret model and billionaire that wanted to find a man for what's inside her. Anthony thought it was her pancreas. Jenny also stated that she would give one of them a million dollars and take them on a romantic space honeymoon. Ian had always wanted that and decides to commit space seppuku in order to "f**k his life". Anthony gets blamed for Ian's space death and is frozen in carbonite on space death row while Disney has created $7 billion on Ian action figures. The commercial shows Ian riding on a monster while also committing suicide. The kid thanks Disney's Star Wars for this.

Script
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Disney's Star Wars Blind Date/Script

Shut Up! Opening
"(Wookie scream) SHUT UP!"

Trivia

 * This video may count a sequel to 2013's Disney Star Wars.
 * Obviously, the lightsabers used in battles are props with enhanced graphics.
 * As the money Disney makes off of Ian action figures piles up, it forms into the shape of Mickey Mouse.
 * In the Ian action figure commercial, the text at the bottom says: "All toys sold separately. Ages 3 and up. Made in China by children ages 5 and up. (C) Disney Star Wars, Plastic Merchandise Junk Inc"
 * The Ian Action Figure commercial looks similar to the Buzz Lightyear commercial in Toy Story.
 * The show lists the following about Anthony:
 * Loves walks on the beach
 * Spends up to 8 hours a day on his luscious, luscious hair
 * Never actually been on a second date
 * Girls say that he hugs and kisses like a plump grandma


 * The show lists the following about Ian:
 * Last name means "Multiple Male Penises"
 * Hair is a very expensive wig
 * Breath smells like used bacon
 * Greatest wish is to marry a rich alien babe and go on a romantic space honeymoon
 * Many regular Smosh extras appear in this video.
 * The word "space" was said 14 times, mostly by Ian.
 * The space profile of Fetlipernoognumnum Treviggan...ack lists:
 * Planet of Origin: Naboo
 * Turn Ons: Neckbeards, Amputees
 * Turn Offs: Dead people
 * On the "Space TV Ratings" graph, instead of numbers, the ratings are based on:
 * Actually good shows like Game of Thrones (5)
 * Degrassi: The Next Generation "Pregnancy Episode" (4)
 * Kim Kardashian's death episode (3)
 * Full House Reruns (2)
 * Ian Hecox's white trash wedding (1)
 * American Idol (0)

Cast
Ian Hecox as himself

Anthony Padilla as himself

Brittni Barger as Jenny

Gillian Tarkington as Fetlipernoognumnum Treviggan...ack

Ryan Todd as Bon Solo

Myke Soler as Stormtrooper