Disney Star Wars/Script

(prologue): In November of 2012, Disney bought the entire Star Wars franchise from George Lucas and re-made the original Star Wars Trilogy. Here's the first trailer.

From the magical people that brought you Aladdin and The Lion King comes a new out-of-this-world adventure. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a young farmer boy has dreams of becoming something greater.

LUKE SKYWALKER: ''I wanna be where the Jedis are. I wanna see; wanna see them killing.''

With wonderful re-imagined characters that are now even more kooky and fun.

LUKE: Gee, this sure is the best. Huh C-3PO?

With Chris Tucker as C-3PO.

CHRIS TUCKER: Oh HELL NO I AIN'T GOING INTO NO OUTER SPACE!

(Luke laughs)

And Nicholas Cage as R2-D2.

NICHOLAS CAGE: I'm Nick Cage and I play R2-D2. Beep beep boop. Beep-boop.

Along the way, he'll make a bunch of new friends.

HAN SOLO:Come on kid, hop on my millennium falcon.

LUKE: Okay. Woah oh hold on, that's the millennium falcon?

GIANT GUY IN A CHICKEN SUIT: Hop on my back, Luke.

LUKE: Aaaah, nah. I would rather just...

GUY: GET ON MY BACK!

HAN AND LUKE: Wheeeeeeeeee!

And against all odds, they'll go on an adventure to rescue the beautiful Princess Leia.

HAN: Quick kids, get inside!

LEIA: Thanks Luke.

CHRIS: OH HELL NO YOU AIN'T FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR SISTER!

(Luke and Han laugh)

LUKE: Wait, what?

Featuring twenty-eight original songs from Grammy Award Winner, Elton John.

DARTH VADER: I could show you the galaxy. Sparkling - Shimmering - (long pause) Splendor...

NICK: Can we stop at a drive-thru; I want a peach.

And an all new song from Randy Newman of Toy Story fame.

I've got the force in me.

I've got the force in me.

''I can chop off your arm. Smash a pipe on your head.  ' Cause I got the force in me.''

LUKE: I love you, dad.

Disney Star Wars; get ready to fall in love with Star Wars all over again.

JABBA: ''Be our guest! Be our guest! ' '''Give that Jedi crap a rest. ' '''Jump right in my sarlacc pit ' So it can eat you and digest.''

CHRIS: OH, HELL NO; I AIN'T JUMPING IN NO SARLACC PIT!

(Han and Luke laugh.Jabba fips the middle finger. Leia pushes Chris into pit.)

CHRIS: OHHHHH HELLLLLLLLL NOOOOOO!

NICK: 3-PO, look for clues while you're down there. We have to find Benjamin Franklin's penis.

And we've brought back everyone's favorite character, Jar Jar.

JAR JAR: Mesa the best character ever.

(Leia, Luke,and Han killed Jar Jar.)

Just kidding. F**k that guy.

NERDS: Wow, they totally screwed up Star Wars now. I know; right? Let's go see it! Already bought us tickets. I already bought the lunchbox. I already bought slave Leia's bra.

Alternate Scene #1
(Christopher Walken as R2-D2)

At the space shuttle

R2-D2: Beep, beep boop.

Near the sarlacc pit

(C-3PO has fallen in the sarlacc pit)

C-3PO: OHOHOH HELELELELELELL NOOOOO!

R2-D2: C-3P, oh snap!

Alternate Scene #2
(Bane is R2-D2)

At the space shuttle

R2-D2: Beep! Beep, boop.

On the speeder

Vader (sings): Splendor...

R2-D2: (appears from the back all of the sudden) Aaaaaw, is daddy issues would be your reckoning?

Near the sarlacc pit

(C-3PO falls in the sarlacc pit)

C-3PO: OHOHOH HELELELELELELL NOOOOO!

R2-D2: Oh, C-3PO going into the darkness. I was born in it.

Alternate Scene #3
(Nick cage plays as R2-D2 still)

At the shuttle

R2-D2:  This X-Wing is a clue as it was discovered by Bejamin Franklin before Harriet Tubman passed it on to Martian Luther King Jr.

Alternate Scene #4
(Russel Brand is R2-D2)

At the shuttle

R2-D2: Beep-beep-beep boop Russel Brand.

On the land speeder

Vader (sings): Splendor...

R2-D2: Oo, somebody's got daddy issues, how about a cuddle?

Near the salacc pit

(C-3PO falls in the sarlacc pit)

C-3PO: OHOHOH HELELELELELELL NOOOOO!

R2-D2: Good luck with that pit there 3PO, that reminds me of Katie Sandhole.