Zelda In Real Life!/Script

(Link gets out of the house)

narrator: Somehow Link fell into another dimension and is now in our present time.

(Link gets scared by a mini van)

narrator: Needless to say, the transition has been a bit rough on him.

Link: Where the hell am I?

narrator: Oh yeah, he can talk now too.

(Link walks to an old man)

Old man: It's dangerous to go alone, Take this!

Link: Uh, no thanks.

Old man: Take it! Just take it! Take it!

Link: Alright fine, I'll take it.

(Link got the Wooden Sword)

Old man: Got any change?

Link: Um, sorry no.

Old man: Look, I need money for the bus and I gave you that sword; the least you could...

(Link kills the Old man with the sword)

Link: Woah, cool! (walks away)

In the park

(Link passes by two Energy Drink Brothers)

Energy Drink Brother #1: What the hell are you wearing?

Energy Drink Brother #2: Man, you look like Robin Hood if he was in a ballet about being a dumbass.

Energy Drink Brother #1: Oh yeah.

Energy Drink Brother #2: Yeah.

(The brothers highfived each other)

Link: Take it back.

Energy Drink Brother #1: Or what?

Link: (turns around) Or I swear to Kokiri Village I'll slice the two of you into...

Later on

(Link gets beaten up, realizes his sword is broken, and loses a heart)

Link: Ah man! (leaves)

Later on

(Link bumps to a fat guy)

fat guy: You want to get you ass beat?! What? Come at me bro!

Link: What's a fat Goron like you gonna do againist a sword like mine... (realizes about his sword)

Later on

(Link gets beaten up)

fat guy: And don't ever call me a Goron! What does that even mean a gay moron? Either way it's mean and politically incorrect. hmm. (leaves)

Link: (gets up and hears beaping from the last heart) Quit making that stupid noise!

old man: (pops up) You can use a fairy.

Link: Jesus, I thought I killed you!

Old man: meh. (the old man gives a shrug)

Link: Well anyway what did you want me to do, use a fairy?

fairy (gay one): (giggles, slaps his butt and takes off his glasses) Hola boys! You want to party? (giggles some more)

Link: Ah.

old man: Nooo! (helped Link get back up) A fairy!

Link: (opened the bottle and got scared of the fairy) Ew, ew, ew! Get it, gross! (His hearts replenished) Get it away! No! (punched the old man)

(In slow motion the old man fell with his head on the stool and dies)

Link: Oops. (throws the bottle away and runs off)

At the pot store

(Link finds a pot store)

Link: Finally a pot store. I can go in there, break some pots, and then give me some rupees. (walks in the store)

Later on

(Link gets out of the store while coughing)

Link: Wrong kind of pot store... (coughs some more)

Back in the park

(Link hears the Energy Drink Brothers talking to each other and hides behind a bush)

Link: Huh? (finds a rock to throw at them)

Energy Drink Brother # 2: And I named my horse your mom that way I can always say, "I'm writing your mom."

Energy Drink Brother # 1: Haha, moms. (drinks his energy drink)

(Link tries to throw a rock at them but got disturbed by the old man's appearance)

old man: Hello.

Link: Can you stop doing that?!

old man: You should really throw a bomb at them if you want to teach them a lesson. First, (got a bomb) you have to equip the bomb from your invetory. Then, select the desire angle and then toss it. But you need to make sure you throw it before it starts flashing red because that means it's about to explode. Uh!

(Link hides behind a tree and the bomb blew up by the old man)

Link: Well, on to more important things.

old man: (pops up) You can also roll the bombs now which is great feature... (keeps talking)

(Link starts to cause suicide to himself)

narrator: Despite sixteen epic quests in Hyrule, Link only lasted twenty-five minutes on Earth.

Deleted Scene #1
Link: Take it back.

Energy Drink Brother # 1: Yeah or what?

Link: (turns around and then turns around back) Nothing, I'm too scared to fight you guys. (leaves)

Deleted Scene #2
Link:...take it.

old man: Go any change?

Link: Um, sorry no. I don't carry any change. You, no. He's completely just dead man. Is anything on there? (snaps his fingers) Hello, hello. Nope, he's-he's brain dead. That's cool. (leaves)

Deleted Scene #3
When Link gets out of the store

(Link coughs while leaving)

Link: Wrong kind of pot store. Oh god. (coughs some more)

smoker # 1: (exits the store) Where are you going? Come back!

(smoker # 2 laughs)

smoker # 3: Come back bro.

smoker # 1: Dude!

smoker # 3: Link.

smoker # 1: What a rookie.