REJECTED MARIO GAMES/Script

Introduction
NARRATOR Over the years, Mario has starred in hundreds of games, even ones that don't make sense, like Dr. Mario, and Mario Teaches Typing. But there were dozens of far stupider Mario games that never made it to store shelves. These are the rejected Mario games.

Mario's Weight Loss Adventure
(Mario tries to throw up in the toilet)

MARIO

I can't go to prom with-a Peach looking like this!

(continues to try to vomit)

Mario Tax Returns
(Luigi is trying to pay for the taxes)

Mario: Can I claim my Yoshi as a independent. I mean he depends on me. If I jump off his back. He runs off a cliff and kills himself.

Luigi: Yeah! I guess that counts. Get out of here.

(Outside the castle)

(Mario is riding on Yoshi)

Mario: (Jumps off of Yoshi's back) You hear that Yoshi, I can-a claim (Sees Yoshi running away) Oh wait, wait, wait! Yoshi! Come back, Yoshi! Where are you going?

(Yoshi runs off a cliff and explodes to death)

Mario XXX
Mario: (enters the bedroom) So, I heard you wanted some pipes cleaned, yeah.

(Peach agrees)

Mario: (Humping) Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! (Stops humping) Okie-dokie, pipes are all-a clean!

(Peach is filled with delight)

The Sims: Mushroom Kingdom Edition
(Mario is in a pool)

Mario: Somebody help. Who removed the ladder? I'm gonna drown out here! Somebody help haha!

(Wario has a camera at Mario)

Wario: Eh ha ha ha! I'm-a gonna win!

Mario Office
(Mario is bored in his office sucking dick)

Narrator: Congratulations! You placed first at giving up on life!

Mario: All right!

Mario's Mansion
(Mario looks for ghosts with his flashlight)

Mario: This game-a sucks! Give it to-a Luigi! (Throws the flashlight on the ground and leaves)

Mario Yoga
(Mario thought he was staring at Peach, but it was Luigi)

Luigi: Mario!

Mario: Oh, oh my goodness.

Mario Teaches Walking
(Mario walks as the player presses the "A" and "B" buttons in a pattern)

Mario Dress-Up
Mario (in Peach's dress): Hmmm, I don't look-a half bad.

Mario Kart: DMV Edition
DMV lady: What can I do you for today, sweetie? (Types on the keyboard) A registration? (Types on the keyboard) Can I have it please?

(Player keeps on typing the waiting button)

DMV lady: Oh! That's a great area.

Mario: Oh come on already!

(4 hours later)

Player: (Still is typing the waiting button) Come on!

(When Mario gets to the DMV lady)

Mario: Ah yes, I would like to-a register my kart.

DMV lady: (sighs) Registrations are in that line.

(Mario is surprised that it is longer)

(Mario Kart 64 Finished 4th-8th place music plays)

Ian: You know what? (Throws his N64 controller to the ground) F**k this! F**k this stupid f**king game! (Leaves the TV)

Alternate Scene #1
(When Mario gets to the DMV lady)

DMV lady: Sorry hon, registrations are in the other line.

Mario: I'm-a f**king rip your f**king face off you f**king b*tch! (Spits on her desk and leaves)

Alternate Scene #2
(When Mario gets to the DMV lady)

Mario: Ah yes, I would like-a diagnosis. I think I'm-a pregnant.

DMV lady: Do I look like the pregnancy department? No! Next, in the next cubicle; we share spaces.

Mario: D*mn it!