Worst Proposals Ever/Script

Introduction
(Anthony gets the tape)

Anthony: Found it. So uh, why do you want to see this thing anyway?

Ian: Oh, I just need a little inspiration for when I propose.

Anthony: You're gonna propose? To who?

Ian: Don't worry about it man; just put the video in.

Anthony: Okay. (puts the tape in) Come on, you're in my spot. (sits down)

In the video

Anthony's father: Babe, (bends down) much like this flower is about beauty and stuff like... can you... I want you to be my wife for life.

Back in the present

Ian: Dude, your parents look like idiots.

Anthony: Shut up!

In the video

Anthony's mother: Oh my God, of course I will.

Anthony's father: Yeah, radical! (keeps talking)

Back in the present

Ian: This is the worst proposal ever.

Anthony: Oh come on, I'm sure there's way worse proposals out there.

Ian: Like what?

(Ian and Anthony sing the wedding song)

The Cupid
Girlfriend #1: Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. My beautiful little flower.

(Anthony fired the bow at the girlfriend)

Girlfriend # 1: (sees the message) Of course I'll marry you. (dies)

Anthony: Ah, guess I shouldn't have use the real arrow. (runs away)

Narrator: THE WORST!

The Reversal
girlfriend # 2: Ian, (bends down) will you marry me?

Ian: Ew! That You can't do that; you're a girl!

girlfriend # 2: (stands up) Well you've been too much of a pussy to do it and I can't wait forever.

Ian: If I say no, can I still sell the ring on Craigslist?

(the girlfriend kicks Ian's groin down to the ground)

Ian: OHH!

girlfriend # 2: (drop the container down) Bitch!

narrator: THE WORST!

The Sweet Surprise
girlfriend # 3: Mmm, this cake is amazing!

Anthony: You know what else is amazing? Me asking you to marry me.

girlfriend # 3: Of course I'll marry you. Where's the ring?

Anthony: Get this, I hid it in yourrrrrrrr uh... (sees the girlfriend eating the cake with the ring in it)

girlfriend # 3: Yeah?

Anthony: (clears throat) um, (drinks some the water) the uh, the weather in here is really nice, huh?

narrator: THE WORST!

The Double Standard
Fabian: (bends down) Will you marry me?

Fabian's man: Oh my god Fabian, of couse I'll marry you.

(Fabian puts the ring in)

Fabian: Oh it's so pretty. (talks more)

lesbians: Eww.

lesbian # 1: Man love. Augh!

lesbian # 2: Augh. Speaking of love, (gets off the bench and bends down) Will you marry me?

lesbian # 1: YES! OH OH MY GOD!

Fabian's man: Ew, vagina love.

narrator: THE WORST!

Parental Permission
Anthony: Sadie, I know we've been together a long time but, (pushes Sadie) Sadie's mom, will you marry me?

Sadie's mom: Yes!

(They both hug each other)

Sadie: What the fu-

narrator: THE WORST!

The Extreme Proposal
(the two are skydiving)

Ian: HEY, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

girlfriend # 4: I HAVE A HAIRY KNEE?

Ian: NO, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

girlfriend # 4: I SMELL LIKE PEE? SCREW YOU! (pushes Ian)

Ian: AAAAAAAAAH! (dies from a plane)

narrator: THE WORST!

The Soul Mate
Anthony: I've known you ever since I can remember and I feel like you just get me, you know? Will you marry me? (Anthony tries to propose to a dog)

Anthony: You're the one who been there for me through the worst times in life. Will you marry me? (Anthony tries to propose to his Xbox) (the Xbox gave Anthony a Virgin achievement)

Anthony: You truly understand me and I know you'll never leave me. Marry me? (Anthony tries to propose to himself in the mirror)

(sad violin music is played)

narrator: THE F***ING WORST!

Alternate Scene #1
(When Anthony proposes to the dog)

Anthony: Will you marry me? Please, what if I give you a treat? What if I put a little peanut butter on somewhere special again?

Alternate Scene #2
(When Anthony proposes to his Xbox)

Anthony: Will you marry me? I almost got you a red ring of death but didn't that would be appropriate. No? I gotta play games with my heart. Get it; you play games cuz you're a Xbox.

Memory Lane (Deleted)
Ian: Okay, so you know how we met on that cow farm; right?

girlfriend # 5: Yeah.

Ian: Well I thought (takes off the blindfold) this would be appropriate.

(The girlfriend sees the poop)

Ian: Well?

(the girlfriend throws up on Ian)

Ian: Ahhhh! So, is that a yes?

narrator: THE WORST!

Deleted Scene
Ian: I thought this would be appropriate.

(the girlfriend nodded her head sideways)

Ian: No. I'll just go eat that poo then. (walks to the poop)

Ending
(Ian and Anthony see the parents celebrating their proposal)

Anthony's father (in video): Yeah.

Anthony's mother (in video): Dododo dodo. (keeps talking)

Ian: Okay, (stands up) I think I finally have the courage to ask.

Anthony: (stands up) You go for it man.

Ian: Alright, (bends down) I know we've known each other for a long time, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me, Antoinette?

Antoinette: (gasp) Oh my god, of course I will!

Ian: Oh, joy! (runs to Antoinette) This is for you, my fiancée. (gives her a ring)

Antoinette: Oh, it's so beautiful.

(They both laugh until Antoinette sneezes)

Antoinette: (turns around) Well...

Ian: What?

Antoinette: (slaps Ian) You didn't even bless me after I sneezed?! This marriage is OVER! (walks away)

Ian: Wait, Antoinette! (bends down) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Anthony sees more of the video)

In the video

Anthony's mother: Wait wait, there's something I have to tell you.

Anthony's father: What?

Anthony's mother: (speaks in her normal voice) I'm a man.

Back to the present

Anthony: My mom is my dad?! (bends down) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Antoinette: I changed my relationship status to single and no one liked it? (bends down) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!