THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS is the 88th episode of Honest Game Trailers. It was released March 1, 2016.

Narration
From the masters of selling your own childhood back to you piece by piece, comes the Zelda game that made the world's most respected game designer do this...

Shigeru Miyamoto swings around a toy Master Sword

Zelda: Twilight Princess.

After the backlash to the cute and cartoon-y design of Windwaker, get ready for the grittier, more realistic 3-D Zelda game fans demanded. Where you'll save the world once again from overwhelming evil... by solving some puzzles, fighting some bad guys, and collecting some sh*t. You know... just Zelda stuff. But, you're gonna be a wolf this time, so uh... yay furries? Don the iconic green sundress of Link; a magical reincarnating protagonist who's always born about 15 years before sh*t hits the fan. Then team up with a strange imp creature who has a terrifying hand coming out of her head, and a disturbing baby-man who sells you things. Journey to rescue Hyrule from the influence of the Twilight realm, and a dastardly Zant; a genuinely creepy antagonist with an actual original design... who gets switched out for Ganondorf at the very last minute anyway. Spoilers for a ten-year old game.

Prepare yourself to slog through an opening tutorial that feels like it lasts an eternity. As Nintendo, not only assumes that you've never played a Zelda game before, but that you've never heard of video games at all. And get your hand ready to be held, as the game constantly makes sure you know what to do every step of the way.

Ugh, yes! I know how much the blue rupee is! You don't have to tell me every f*cking time!

Get ready for a heaping helping of the same Zelda gameplay you either know and love, are getting kind of sick of, or some weird combination of the two. As Twilight Princess dishes up everything you liked from Ocarina of Time all over again. Like: Hyrule Field. Epona. A forest temple. A fire temple. Ugh... water temple. And double the hookshot. Then grit your teeth as you push your way through the forced Wolf-form collecting sections until you can play normal-ass Zelda again. But hey, at least wolf howling is way cooler than an ocarina, am I right?

Take on some of the most varied mini-games and side activities in any Zelda game. Featuring: Fishing. Snowboarding. Fighting on horseback. Rolling a marble. Whitewater kayaking. Firing yourself out of a cannon. Dangling from the talons of a horrible... pterodactyl-thingie. And the most difficult mini-game of all-- the shoehorned-in Wiimote controls.

So, buckle on your buckler, pick out your fur-sona, and get ready to save the princess one more time. Because, honestly, what else are you going to do with your Wii U at this point?

STARRING: Hot Topic (Midna), Linkle (Zelda), Rango (Zant), The Garbage Pail Kids (Malo, Talo, and Beth), Carrot Top (Ganondorf), An absolute nightmare (Ooccoo), And Zelda (Link).

All Wolves go to Hyrule.

Wait a minute, it takes 5 heart pieces to get a full container in this game? That just feels... wrong somehow.