Food Battle 2016/Script

Introduction
IT STARTS OUT AS EVENTS FROM THE LAST EPISODE ARE PLAYED

NARRATOR

Previously on Food Battle...

IAN


 * [whispering]

I feel like we're forgetting something.

ANNOUNCER GUY

I'm unemployed!

Ian: Oh my God, we forgot Food Battle!

(man screaming, car crashing)

Anthony: My new favorite food, pink frosted sprinkled donut!

Ian: (screams)

(dramatic music playing)

Ian: You can't have the same food as me!

Anthony: Uh-uh-uh-uh! Mine's vegan.

Ian: (gasps) Wait, what's the difference?

Anthony: Oh, if you listen closely, you can hear the screams of suffering animals.

(faint cries of animals, gun firing)

Ian: (While eating) So you wanna do this or not?

Anthony: Yeah.

Ian: Well if you think your pink frosted sprinkled donut can do more everyday tasks than my pink frosted sprinkled donut, THEN YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DOOKIE-BROWN! (eating donut)

(heavy metal music plays)

"The child you just found out you had with your high school girlfriend that you now have visitation rights with"
(Cut to the catalog)

Anthony: Let's see your stupid donut be (brief pause) the child you just found out you had with your high school girlfriend that you now have visitation rights with!

(Cut to Ian on the couch with his donut)

Ian: Just a little baby donut, yes you are.

(crying, then Ian gasps)

Ian: It works! Result: ✓

Ian: Okay, now daddy needs his peace and quiet. (throws donut away, car crash and glass shatter with police sirens)

(cut to Anthony on the couch with his donut, eating it watching the news)

News: Marine biologist Jefferson Diddly has discovered a new breed of octopus which has two more tentacles than a normal octopus and is being called by specialists in the field--

Anthony: (realises what he's doing) Oh.....oh no....(gags)...my baby boy.....MY BABY BOOOOYYYYYY--(cut off) Result: ✓

Clone
Coming soon!

Glue
Coming soon!

Dabbing Harambe
Coming soon!

Christmas Tree Topper
Coming soon!

Ending
Coming soon!