STAR FOX 64

Star Fox 64 is the sixth honest trailer.

Script
From the company that brought you F-Zero and Earthbound (Nintendo) comes the flagship game of yet another neglected Nintendo franchise, Star Fox 64.

Experience the hit 1997 title that featured awesome dogfights, epic boss battles, and introduced gamers to their first sex toy. (the N64 controller rumbles) Ooh, rumbles.

Witness a thrilling space opera that took more than a little inspiration from the Star Wars series. (slides show comparison between Star Fox 64 and scenes from Star Wars)

Admiral Ackbar: It's a trap!

But it's okay, Rogue Squadron stole all of their ideas back.

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Journey to the Lylat System, a land of exotic planets, advanced technology, and simply anthropomorphic animals. Wait, are these guys furries? Um... well... uh, I'm sure it's all perfectly innocent.

Slippy: Here comes a big one.

Fox: Andross won't have his way with me!

Falco: These guys just keep coming.

''Slippy: It's too hot! I can't take it anymore!''

Peppy: The enemy's coming from behind.

Or not.

Meet Team Star Fox, an elite band of mercenaries regarded as the best pilots of the galaxy if they can't shake a bogey to save their lives.

Peppy: Take care of the guy behind me, Fox!

''Slippy: Whoa! Help me!''

Falco: I can't shake this guy!

There's Fox McCloud, ace pilot and leader; Peppy Hare, who in the middle of high tense situations keeps bringing up the painful memory of Fox's dead father...

''Peppy: Follow your father's example, Fox! Your father helped me like that, too. You're becoming more like your father.''

...and who is always there to dish out some sage advice;

''Peppy: Use bombs wisely. Use the brake. Use the boost to get through.''

Falco Lombardi, a reformed gang member...

Peppy: Try hovering.

Peppy, can you...

Peppy: Lock on the enemy.

Are you done?

Peppy: To barrel roll, press Z or R twice.

SHUT UP! (doesn't talk for a few seconds) Are you done, Peppy?

Peppy: Do a barrel...

(clears his throat) Falco Lombardi, a reformed gangster who is super racist against monkeys.

''Falco: Time to show the monkeys who's boss! Are you gonna listen to that monkey?''

And last and most certainly least, Slippy Toad, a brilliant R-wing engineer who is... just the worst.

''Slippy: Do something! Ahhh, I'm hit! Fox!''

''Fox: Slippy! I can't leave Slippy hanging!''

C-Can we?

Battle your way to victory in the Arwing, a hyper-advanced combat fighter that can magically deflect lasers with barrel rolls, yet for most of the game can only fly in one direction; and take to the ground in the Landmaster, a battle tank that offers zero tactical advantages whatsoever. (the Landmaster keeps on getting hit) It was a bit more useful in Smash Bros. though. Or if you need to cool off, head to the semi-obligatory underwater level in gaming's most epic submarine. Underwater barrel rolls!

Unite to defeat Fox's arch nemesis, Andross, an evil-mad scientist that for some reason is a giant, disembodied monkey head, but not before taking out the most random assortment of bosses in gaming like a space train (MecBeth), a rock-em, sock-em robot (Spyborg), clam from the depths of hell (Bacoon), Monkey Gundam (Shogun), uh... this thing (Goras), and circle ship with tentacles and beams (Gorgon)? Kinda makes a floating monkey head seem nor-- (Andross reveals his insides) OH, MY GOD, I PEED A LITTLE!

Starring the fantastic Mr. Fox McCloud, Pepe Le Pew (Peppy Hare), Falco Punch! (Falco Lombardi), Mr. Toad's Wild Arwing (Slippy Toad), Nick Fury (Wolf O'Donnell), General Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and the stuff of my nightmares (Andross' brain). Space Fox 1964.

Is it just me or did Nintendo rip off Independence Day too?

''Randy Quaid: Hello boys! I'm back!''

(Fox takes down the ship)

''Independence Day character: We did it! We son of a bitch did it!''