How to Be a YouTube Commenter/Script

Introduction
In the studio

(Grandpa watches GUYS' GUIDE TO HUGGING GUYS where Pat Naylor starts hugging Anthony while being in the nude)

Anthony (in the computer): MOLESTER!

Grandpa: I really want to tell these two idiots that they're homos, but I don't know how to use this complicated Internet page! (finds another video) Oh, what's this? (selects the video)

Bob (in the computer): (his torso falls down) Whoa, where(his torso and legs come together) Oh, there's my legs! Hi, I'm Bob Roberts. Have you ever wanna leave a comment on a YouTube video?

Grandpa: ABSOULTLY GUY IN THE COMPUTER!

Bob (in the computer): Well I perused through a dozen YouTube comments and learned the best way to leave feedback on a YouTubes video. Come along and I show you. (jumps to the right side of the computer) Whee!

Rule #1: Spell Everything Wrong & All Caps All the Time
In the computer

Bob: First rule of leaving a YouTube comment is to always spell everything wrong and write in all capital letters.

In the studio

Grandpa: (stands up) SURE THING GUY IN THE COMPUTER! I'M GONNA GO FIND THEM AND TELL THEM RIGHT NOW!

Near the Smosh Games studio

(Grandpa knocks on the door which Ian and Anthony respond)

Grandpa: I've got a comment for you two hippies! (shows his comment)

Ian: Our vides socks and we're twelve-year-old humus?

Bob (in the computer): And if you're first to comment on a video, always be sure to scream:

Grandpa: FIRST!

Anthony: Wait, what?

Bob (in the computer): Even if you're not the first, you're close enough; or you could just call them...

Grandpa: Gay! (runs away from Ian and Anthony)

(Ian closes the door as the duo are confused)

Rule #2: Be Argumentative
In the computer

Bob: (fades in) Woo, I'm a ghost! (stops fading) Just kidding, I'm real! Rule number two, always make sure you start arguing with people in the comment section. But make sure you know absolutely-flipping nothing about the subject you're arguing about.

Near Ryan's office

(Grandpa opens the door)

Grandpa: I don't like Obama because other people said they don't like Obama and I don't have the patience to do my own research and form my opinions on Obama.

Ryan: Get out of my office old man. This is where I do the YouTubes.

Bob (in the computer): (searches for something in his pants) Ew... If that's not working, find a triangle in the video and say:

Grandpa: ILLUMINANTI!

(Ryan gets shocked)

Rule #3: Be Constructive
In the computer

Bob: Yeeeaaah! (jump-kicks a ninja) Rule number three, always leave constructive criticism so the creator can become a better YouTuber.

In Ray's dungeon

(Grandpa enters the room)

Ray: What the s**t.

Grandpa: Maybe next time you can try doing the video a little better by...

Bob (in the computer): (laughs) I'm just messing around. Call them a...

Grandpa: Gaywad!

Ray: That's some great f***ing advice.

Rule #4: Question Everything
In the computer

Bob: (twists his hip) Rule number four, if you come across a new video, (twists his hip) always question how you're the three hundred and first viewer.

In Pewdiepie's gaming lair

Felix: No, don't put it in the barrel's ass.

Grandpa: But seriously, how can there be twenty thousand likes and only three hundred and one views? It makes no sense. Hacker alert! Scammer alert! SWEDISH ALERT!

Bob (in the computer): If you don't have anything real to comment, make sure you copy-paste a really sad story you found online to get lots of likes.

Grandpa: This is mine and my wife's song. She was twenty-three and I was eighteen. I hate it had two end when she died in a car crash. I loved her so much but she cheated and I couldn't live with that. Like this if you cry every time.

(Grandpa and Felix are experiencing the sorrow)

Anthony's other grandpa: Like this if you cry every...

Felix: (yells fast) SHUT THE F**K UP GRANDPA BRO!

Rule #5: When There's a Girl: Be Sexist, Terrible, and Disgusting
In the computer

Bob: (flaps his trousers) Kwa-kwa! (stops flying) Rule number five. If a video has a girl in it, be sure to be as sexist and terrible and disgusting as possible. Why? Because, I don't know. Everybody else does it online.

In Jenna'a bathroom

Jenna: (gets out of the shower) Gross.

Grandpa: You look like a hore!

Jenna: What the f**k did you just say?

Bob (in the computer): And don't forget, you're anonymous. So forget the fact that they have feelings and say something incredibly rude about them.

Grandpa: You're getting super obese and I hate your stupid voice. TITS OR G-T-F-O!

Jenna: (grabs a shiv) Don't make me cut you.

Grandpa: Bitch got a shank!

Bob (in the computer): (does right side up in the middle and upside down on the left and right side) If you leave a comment that gets a lot of negative feedback, you could always tell people:

Grandpa: Uuum, my little sister hacked my account and left that comment.

Jenna: BULLS**T! (shanks the grandpa)

Bob (in the computer): And if that doesn't work, you could always finish it off with a classic...

Grandpa: Gay. (falls down)

Ending
In the computer

Bob: (makes noise while flying and then stops flying) So there you have it, folks! Follow my simple steps and you'll be a professional YouTube commenter in no time. Until next time, I'm Bob Roberts wishing you a fine afternoon. (flies in the screen while making rocket noises) I think I'm having a stroke.

Epilogue
In an alley

(Grandpa tries to walk until I-Nerd and A-Nerd show up)

I-Nerd: FIRST TO VIEW A DYING OLD MAN!

A-Nerd: YOUR SHIRT SUCKS! DISLIKE!

I-Nerd: YOUR OLD VIDEOS WERE BETTER WHEN YOU WEREN'T SUCH A FAT WHALE! TITS OR G-T-F-O!

Grandpa: Like this if you cry every, time. (dies)

I-Nerd and A-Nerd: UNSUBSCRIBE! (runs away from the grandpa)

I-Nerd: High-five!

(BobaBubba69 high fives Vulcan4Dayz)

To See More and Thanks for Subscribing
Bob: To see behind the scene's footage and bloopers from this episode, click the moving picture on the left. If you wanna see an honest trailer for Grand Theft Auto V, whatever the hell that is, click that little video thingy on the right. My grandson said that if you had more subscribers it makes you cooler. So click at that subscribe thinga-ma-jigger. I'm gonna go to the hospital, I'm pretty sure this is a full blown stroke. I'm full blown stroking right now. Byyyyye!