Magic iPod/Script

Ian: Dude, are you sure this is a safe shortcut?

Anthony: Yeah man, my inner Christopher Columbus is navigating us safely.

Ian: That's a terrible example, dude, Christopher Columbus didn't even end up in the right country. And then he brought a bunch of smallpox & death & all that....

Anthony: No dude, freedom! He brought us all freedom. I mean look around you, this is-- (Ian gets distracted & walks away) Really?

Ian: (picks up iPod off a pile of garbage) Dude, it's an iPod Mini! I haven't seen 1 of these since like 2004!

Anthony: Yeah, that thing's ancient, okay? Put it down & wash your hands, it probably doesn't even work.

Ian: Hold on, we'll just try.... (presses button & a cloud of smoke comes out of headphone jack)

iGenie: What?! I'm the iGenie and since you woke me up from my slumber, I'm gonna grant you 3 wishes, yeah! Okay!

Anthony: Holy s**t, is this real?

Ian: What should we wish for?

iGenie: Just think of your greatest desire. Like, if it were me, I'd wish for a black president. Okay!

Ian: Uh, yeah, about that, there's--

Anthony: Oh, hey, he's uh.... He's probably not up to date on all the current events, probably been trapped in this piece of s**t since like 2004.

Ian: Oh, that's why he's doing the Dave Chappele/Lil Jon thing. Sorry, we've just been exposed for a few years, it's really f***ing annoying. Um.... Well then, iGenie, I wish for.... The biggest TV ever.

iGenie: Alakazam, alakazee... Get these pretty-haired dudes a big ass TV!

Ian: What the f**k is that piece of garbage?

iGenie: What you wished for! The biggest TV ever! Look, it's state of the art, & it's easily the biggest on the market! It weighs 300 lbs! Yeah!

Anthony: No no no no, there's LCD screens way bigger than that.

iGenie: Y'all got LCD?!

Anthony: Yeah.

iGenie: Nah bruh, I can't do that anymore. You viper kids are crazy!

Anthony: Okay, um, here, how about, let's wish for something a little smaller, okay? Um.... Give me the new iPhone. Right here.

iGenie: Alakazam, alakazone... Get these tight-bottled dudes the most state of the art phone!

(flip phone falls into Anthony's hand)

Anthony: .... What?....

iGenie: Ha ha ha, now I don't know what an iPhone is, but it can't be better than a Razor! 'Cause that's the sh**! Look, it flips, & it's got the best predictive text on the market.

Anthony: I bet you can't even shoot video on this piece of sh--

iGenie: WHAT?! A phone that can shoot video? Okay, future space man guy.

Anthony: No seriously, they all do, I can show you on YouTube.

iGenie: What's YouTube?

Ian: You know, the place where you watch videos?

iGenie: Oh, like Blockbuster video!

Anthony: Uh, no? Video rental stores don't exist anymore.

iGenie: Well, how do you rent your videos then?

Ian: The internet?

iGenie: Like where I send my emails from?

Ian: Oh, so he knows email. That's a start.

iGenie: Man, you know I love my hotMAIL.com.

Anthony & Ian: ........Whaaaaaaatttttt?....

Anthony: I mean, it's totally cool if.... You wanna, you know, look at males online, but....

iGenie: WHAT?! N-No, man, no! Um.... HotMAIL, like the email site.

Ian: Oh, I see, when you put the emphasis on mail, it kinda sounds like you're talking about hot dudes.

iGenie: See, I don't know what you guys are talking about. I say hotMAIL correctly. You guys are saying it wrong.

Ian: Hotmail.

iGenie: HotMAIL.

Anthony: Hotmail.

iGenie: HotMAIL.

Ian: Hotmail.

iGenie: HotMAIL.

Anthony: Hotmail.

iGenie: HotMAIL.

Ian: Hotmail.

(this goes on for awhile, you get the point)

Anthony: You know, this is getting weird, um.... Is it cool if we just, uh, wish for our last wish right now?

iGenie: Yeah, do it!

Ian: Okay, um.... I wanna go on a date with Jessica Biel.

iGenie: Nuuuhhhh! The little girl from Seventh Heaven?! How about somebody hot like.... Lindsay Lohan, yeah!

Ian: No!

Anthony: Ugh, seriously?!

Ian: God no!

iGenie: Okayyyy.... Uh, Amanda Bynes?

Ian: No, that's worse.

iGenie: Are you serious? Okay, what about, um.... My girl Avril? I know she still beggin', you know, (sings) "he was a skater boy, she said see you later boy"....

Ian: She married the dude from Nickelback.

iGenie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

iGenie: I give up! You guys do your own last wish!

Anthony: Really?

iGenie: Yeah, I'm sick of this s**t!

Anthony: I think I'm gonna wish for something like.... To become famous on YouTube for having absolutely no talent except good hair.

Ian: Wait, no. Haven't you seen Aladdin? We have to use our last wish to grant the genie his freedom.

Anthony: You know, you're right. iGenie.... I wish for you to have.... Freedom.

(iGenie's covered in smallpox)

iGenie: Oh, what the f**k is this s**t?!

Ian: Damn it dude, your idea of freedom is smallpox! (referencing what they said earlier)

Anthony: Ah, goddamn it, I'm just as bad as Christopher Columbus! I hate me so much right now!

iGenie: Screw you guys! Just get outta here! (disappears back into the iPod)

Anthony: You know.... It's kinda crazy how quickly we forget about all these things & they really only happened like, a few years ago.

Ian: Yeah, it's like we're so obsessed with new technology that we forget the classic stuff was just fine.

Anthony: So, you gonna keep that iPod?

Ian: Hell no, it's an obsolete piece of s**t! (throws it back into the garbage)

Announcer: This video was brought to you by Hotmail. Hotmail. Remember us? No? Yeah.... No 1 does....