GOD OF WAR (Honest Game Trailers)

God of War is the second Honest Game Trailers.

Script
From David Jaffe, one of the developers behind Disney's Mickey Mania, comes a brutal game of sex, violence, and betrayal that's absolutely nothing like Disney's Mickey Mania, God of War.

Experience the hit 2005 action adventure masterpiece, that wowed critics, blew gamers' minds, and was the reason your mom wouldn't buy you a PS2; a game chocked full of mechanics from the last decade like fixed camera angles, enemy AI that waits patiently for you to perform your finishing moves, and quick time events that couldn't possibly be any cooler unless you were actually doing it.

Journey to Ancient Greece, a time of gods (Ares), monsters (Cerberus Breeder), and full frontal nudity (Women) where literally everything is made out of orbs: people, enemies, scenery, that barrel over there. Orbs, we've got orbs for days!

Meet Kratos, a seven-foot tall murder machine in a skirt who's kind of a huge dick.

Sailor: Thank the gods you came back for me!

''Kratos: I didn't come back for you! (drops the sailor into Hydra while ripping off the chain the sailor was wearing)''

Follow him on his epic quest to kill Ares, the god of war, who he blames for the death of his family (Calliope and Lysandra), even though it's clearly his own fault. (women screaming) Hopefully that image won't stay with him for all his days.

Gaia: The image of his two final victims would stay with him for all his days.

Or not.

Power up Kratos to unlock new ways to decimate your foes with deadly weapons (Blade of Artemis), powerful spells (Poseidon's Rage), and intricate combos that you'll use for two minutes before you realize that square-square-triangle (Plume of Prometheus) is the best thing in the game.

Watch as Kratos takes down wave-after-wave of powerful enemies with ease, yet strains mightily every time he has to open a chest. (Kratos grunting while opening a chests and then gets orbs) Oh, look, more orbs. But it's not all murder and mayhem. Take a break from the deicide with game-lengthening features like lever puzzles, dragging-stuff-around puzzles, obligatory underwater level, backtracking, hyper-convoluted death traps, and way, WAY too many balancing segments. (Kratos walking on balancing segments while circus music plays until Kratos falls off and dies) Ah, come on!

Starring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (Kratos), Ganondorf (Ares), Bewbs (Oracle), Steven Tyler (Siren), Madea (Medusa), Bewbs (Oracle), Vin Diesel (Cronos), Duck Dynasty's Uncle Si (Grave Digger), More Bewbs (Women), and Zordon from Power Rangers (Zeus). God of War.

(Women grunting in the sex mini game while a vase drops and orbs appear) Hehehe, orb-gasm.