IPhone 6 Revealed/Script

Steve Jobs: Hello, everyone. I'm a hologram of Steve Jobs. Apple created me so I can introduce the new iPhone 6. Mainly because their current CEO kinda sucks and never be as genius as me? C'mon, guys – who actually knows that guy's name?

Anthony: You mean Tim Cook?

Steve Jobs: Ummm...Well, uh....enough about that. Let's get to the iPhone 6. The iPhone 6 is full of exciting new upgrades and features. Such as, it's completely shatterproof!

Hipster: Huh, shatterproof? Bitchin'! (Throws his phone on the wall and breaks) Ah, f-, uhh.... Wow, this phone totally didn't break at all! (nervous laugh)

Steve Jobs: We all know accidents happens, so we made the iPhone 6 completely waterproof!

(The hipster drops a single drop of water on the phone, nothing happens)

Hipster: Woah! Sick tits!

Steve Jobs: And the largest improvement is faster processing speed,it completely obliterates our older models.

(Loading speed is shown to be the same)

Steve Jobs: See how fast it is? Oh, you didn't noticed? Well let's slow it down 500 times to get the full effect.

(Slowed down 500 times, but still same thing)

Steve Jobs: Total game changer!

(Shows hipster about to take a photo of a girl)

Hipster: Alright, give me the squealing pig pose.

(Hipster tries to take photo, but can't)

Hipster: Yo! What the hell?

Steve Jobs: Since no-one takes real photos anymore, we disabled the back camera, and improved the front facing camera. Since all you a**holes do now is take selfies!

Hipster: True. (Girl joins in with him and take some selfies) That one is gonna look bitchin' with the Kelvin filter!

Steve Jobs: In fact, we joined in on the rampant corporate d*ck-sucking of the selfie trends so much, and when you pick up your phone, it's already in camera mode.

(He takes a few selfies of himself)

Steve Jobs: Let's talk about some more amazing upgrades! It's lighter!

Hipster: Aw, man! This is so much easier than carrying a real lighter around! (tries to use his iPhone 6 as a lighter)

Steve Jobs: What? What are you doing? It's not a lighter, it's lighter!

Hipster: Ooohhh......(eats the cigarette)

Steve Jobs: Seriously? Are you that dumb? Well, I guess that's just what you get when Tom Crook is running things!

Anthony: It's ''Tim Cook! ''You're the one that actually hired him!

Steve Jobs: Really? whatever. Just take a look at the size of the screen on the iPhone 6!

(shows an iPhone 5s)

Anthony: Uhh, That's an iPhone 5s!

Steve Jobs: Uhh.... I knew that! The iPhone 6!

(Shows an iPad mini)

Anthony: That's an iPad mini!

Steve Jobs: Really? Uhh... The iPhone 6!

(Shows a Apple TV remote)

Anthony: Nope! That's an Apple TV remote!

Steve Jobs: F*ck my life! The iPhone 6!

(Shows a very old rotary phone)

Anthony: Not even close!

Steve Jobs: Dammit! Okay! The i- Nope! That's, that's a poptart!

(Takes a bite of the poptart)

Steve Jobs: Taste like microwave.... (spits poptart out) Oh! Huh! That's in my pocket! I've been using it for several months, it's the greatest phone I ever had. The iPhone 6!

(Shows a Galaxy S3)

Anthony: That's a f*cking Galaxy S3!

Steve Jobs: SH*T! Let's just talk about the apps!

Steve Jobs: There's a new fitness app!

Siri: Here are all the fat places that need improvement immediately, also these marks spots make you look ugly as f*ck.

Hipster: (Pushes his glasses upwards) True.

Steve Jobs: It tracks your calories, and motivates you to reach your weight loss goals!

(Later, the Hipster is going to open the fridge, but then Siri spoke up)

Siri: Are you sure you want to do that, fatty?

Hipster: Uh, yeah Siri, I'm really friggin hungry!

(The Hipster goes and open the fridge, but was electrocuted by Siri. Hipster fall on the ground and the phone lands on his chest, still shocking him, The Hipster shakes violently)

Hipster: This is so much easier than having self control! (continues to shake violently)

Steve Jobs: And finally, we made the greatest enhancement to iOS since the beginning! All Samsung Galaxy phones within a 50 foot radius will burst into flames.

(The Hipster is shown using an iPhone 6, while some guy sitting on a couch using a Samsung Galaxy, when suddenly the phone is burst into flames)

Guy: AH! AH! AHHH! *blow* *blow* AH WHAT THE F*CK?! (Continues blowing at the flames, while the Hipster is oblivious to what's happening)

(Later, notice that Steve Job's Galaxy S3 has burst into flames in his pockets, but he didn't notice)

Steve Jobs: So there you have it! The new iPhone 6 is not very different, and a total waste of money! Thanks new Apple CEO Tom Cook!

Anthony: For the last time! It's Tim Cook!

Steve Jobs: Oh shut up. (Takes out a bow gun and kills Anthony)

(Anthony falls on the ground, continues making death groans)

Steve Jobs: *Sigh* Can holograms be charged for murder? Yeah, yeah I think so. *runs away*

(Shows the word iPhone 6, followed by overpriced, outclassed, and you still buy it.)

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