First Person Shooters Suck!/Script

Introduction
Ian: Alright guys, video game industry is sucking right now. So have to come up with something fresh. No more stupid first person shooters like Call of Duty. So if you have any ideas that even somewhat resemble Call of Duty, you just throw those out right now.

[everyone tosses their ideas]

Ian: Does anyone have any fresh ideas? Cause if you don't, I'm gonna have to fire all of you.

Otto: But I have children.

Ian: Then I'll fire them too!

Shadowman
Anthony: [moves his hand and sees his shadow] Oh, I think I got one. Um, it's called Shadowman. So you play this guy, and you have to avoid shadows. If you touch any you die.

Ian: So it's a platformer?

Anthony: Exactly. Then later in the game you pick up this AK-47 and you have to shoot your way out of the nightmare!

Ian: Damn it, no! No more shooters!

Hugh: Yeah, BTW it was an AK-74U not an AK-47, douchenozzle!

Anthony: It's clearly an AK-47 with a collapsible stock. Just because you play Call of Duty doesn't make you a weapons expert.

Hugh: Yes it does!

Ian: Guys, SHUT THE F*** UP! Does anyone have any ideas for a game that doesn't involve shooting?

Candy Land: Modern Candyfare
Otto: [sees a bowl of candy] I got an idea. It's called Candy Land: Modern Candyfare.

Ian: That's sounds like a shooter.

Otto: No, it's for kids who like candy and lands. In this game, you're the Candy Man, and your goal is to collect as many white marshmallows as possible, while avoiding the black ones. And best of all, once you collect 11 white marshmallows in a row, you can call in an AC-130 and F*** THAT S*** UP!

Ian: IF I HEAR ABOUT ONE MORE CALL OF DUTY RIPOFF, I'M GONNA JUMP OUT THAT F***ING WINDOW!

Otto: [chuckles] We're on the first floor.

Ian: You're fired!

Hugh: Well if you're gonna fire him, you're gonna have to fire me too!

Ian: Okay.

Hugh: S***!!!

[Otto and Hugh leave the office]

Evan's Idea
Ian: You! You better give me an idea right now.

Evan: Uh...uhhhhhhhhh...I got it. What about Call of Duty...

Ian: [shoots Evan with his pistol] That's it. The gaming industry is doomed [weeps].

Asian Employee's Idea
Employee: Snacks anyone?

Ian: [aims his pistol at the employee] You! You must have an idea. Please. Please help me!

Employee: Well I did have this one idea for a game but it doesn't involve shooting.

Ian: Okay, go on.

Employee: Well it's about a father who lost his daughter in paranormal accident which left him with strange powers.

Ian: That's frickin' brilliant! What's it called?

Employee: Magic Daddy Rescue Force.

Ian: I love it. Together, you and I will are gonna change this world! Just you wait and see.

Anthony: Uh, can I go home?

Ian: SHUT THE F*** UP! [shoots Anthony] OWNED! [gets promoted to Douchebag]

Epilogue (3 years later)
Hugh: [walks in a video game store] You got any cool new video games?

Store Cashier: Yeah, we got this cool new one called, uh, Magic Daddy Rescue Force. Check it out. [tosses game to Hugh]

Hugh: [observing the game] LAME!!! [sees another one] Call of Duty 12? I'll take it! [gets promoted to Stupid Consumer]