Holy Crap! 2 Billion Views!/Script

(Ian and Anthony get out of the limo)

Anthony: Thanks, Link.

(Link greets them and drives away)

Anthony: Hey, guys: We wanna thank you so much for watching our videos over all these years.

Ian: We now have over two billion video views, which is crazy because that's like, the entire world population.

(Approximate world populate is being shown)

Anthony: Uh, not really.

Ian: Uh, pft, close enough.

(In the audition building)

Anthony: Anyway, we wanna thank you guys so we got this huge surprise in the back that I can't wait to...

Seymour: Shut up! (wipes his nose) I'm trying to film a serious action movie over here! Action!

(Connor chops the barbershop pole sounding like Link while the Ultimate Assassin's Creed 3 Song is playing)

Anthony: Anyway. When we first started, we had no idea it would get this big or be this much fun.

Ian: Uh, do you think maybe I can use the little boys' room first?

Anthony: Oh-okay, why didn't you just go before we started shooting this?

Ian: Well, there was like free milk in the limousine and you really think I'm turning down free milk? No!

Anthony: Fine! Just go.

Ian: Thank you. Please get out of my way.

(At the stairs, Ian bumps into Manspider)

Ian: Sorry Spider-man. (Goes up the stairs)

Manspider: It's Manspider.

(At the kitchen)

(Ian hears a Pokémon battle)

Magikarp: Karp, karp, karp, karp!

Ash: Pikachu, use Thundershock.

Pikachu: Pikachu.

(Pikachu uses Thundershock almost hitting the Metrosexual Hipster and bounces across the kitchen)

Hipster: Woah! Woah! Woah!

George: (sneaks up by a bush) As you can see, the useless Pokémon, Magikarp, has avoided the thunderbolt and... (Shock hits him) Zghzghzghzgh-Rihanna!!!!!!!

Benny: Haaa, what a dummy.

Cletus: (laughs) Good one, Benny Jean. (laughs)

Ian: Um, okay? (knocks the bathroom door) Hello! (doesn't worry about it and opens the door)

(In the bathroom)

(Ian sees Mari on the toilet seat playing with the Game Boy Advance SP)

Ian: What are you doing?

Mari: I'm playing a Pokémon touranment with the guys.

(Lasercorn opens the shower curtain while the ladies and Lasercorn were in it)

Jovenshire: When is it our turn to play?!

Sohinki: Why do we have the water on?!

Lasercorn: Yeah, this Beef n'Go taste like bolts.

(Ian leaves the bathroom and Sergeant Anous comes to the bathroom)

Anous: Stop right there, virgins! You're over the max capacity for that shower.

(The three guys see the sign)

Jovenshire: Huh.

(The three worry talking at the same time)

Anous: BULLSH**!

(Anous shoots the three guys)

Anous: I'm a virgin, too.

(Downstairs)

(Anthony's waiting for Ian)

Anthony: What's taking so long, man?

Charlie: Come on; it's just like an ice cream cone.

Billy: I don't know Charlie; I'm scared.

(Anthony sees Charlie's spirit and Billy walk along)

Charlie: Just a taste?

(Ian goes down the stairs)

Anthony: Finally!

Ian: All done.

(Ian opens the door showing the room where they'll celebrate 2,000,000,000 views)

Ian: I still don't know what the surprise is. I mean, what's the right way to celebrate two billion views? (Gasps) Did you get us a bounce house?

Anthony: Noooooo.

(They both go to the studio)

Anthony: But I think this is appropriate.

(Anthony shows Ian Duff Goldman)

Ian: You got us Duff Goldman from Ace of Cakes?

Anthony: And...

(Anthony shows Ian the cake Duff made)

Ian: A cake? Dude, these people got us over two billion views and now we're just gonna eat a cake on video? (exaggerates) Woah!

Anthony: I guess you're right.

Duff: Man! I knew your little dick biscuits were gonna say that, so I made the cake with explosives.

Anthony: That......

Ian: is.......

Anthony: FREAKING.......

Ian: AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The three go to a silence)

Duff: So, you guys wanna do this or what?

Ian and Anthony: (shook their heads) Ha-haaaaan!

(Ian, Anthony and Duff dress up for safety)

Duff: (hands the reactor) Why won't you guys do the honors? I gotta go somewhere safe. Good luck! (leaves)

Anthony: Ready for this?

Ian: Yeah!

Anthony: FIRE IN THE HOLE!

(Both of them trigger the reactor exploding the cake in the entire room while Beethoven's 9th Symphony plays)

Anthony: (takes off his goggles) But in all seriousness, guys: Thank you so much for watching our videos and somehow making us the most subscribed channel on YouTube.

Ian: Yeah, you guys make our lives awesome and without you, we wouldn't be able to do what we love.

Anthony: Ready to high-five the sh*t out?

Ian: Hell, yeah!

(They both jump and high-five)

Anthony: So uh, wanna eat some cake?

Ian: Yeah. Why not?

Anthony: Got it right here in my pocket.

(They both grab a piece of cake out of their pockets)

Ian: Oh, yeah; chocolate (fancy term), BITCH!