Ian Gets Lucky/Anthony's Own Video Script

" Ian Gets Lucky" Script 

Anthony enters the room where Ian is sitting on the couch.

Anthony: Hey, guess who just got their first unemployment check, for 50 bucks.

Ian: That's cool, well, while your poor ass collects money from the government, I just made something that's gonna make me rich!

Anthony: What?

Ian: Well you know all of those people that got rich off phone apps? Y'know the ones that make your phone make fart noises and stuff?

Anthony: Yeah, so?

Ian: Like, (fart noise), well, anyway, I used my entire life savings and developed this app for the Andriod App market, I call it, the Shut Up App. Say something to the phone.

Anthony: Like what-?

Phone: SHUT UP

Anthony: Woah, it's-?

Phone: SHUT UP

Ian: You see, everytime you say something to the phone, it tells you to shut up, and I'm selling it for a buck!

Anthony: Wait, wait, wait, okay, so you spent your entire life savings developing this thing?

Ian: Yeah!

Anthony (laughing): Oh my god, you are an idiot! No one's gonna buy this thing, I wouldn't buy it-

Phone: SHUT UP

Ian sits in front of a computer, Anthony comes up next to him.

Anthony: So how many people downloaded your stupid app?

Ian: It's not stupid, it's revolutionary, and I'm checking right now.

Anthony: Alright, so you went from zero downloads, all the way to...ONE? AHH HAHAHA

Ian: Stop ROFL-ing at me! Nobody ROFLs in real life, idiot!

Anthony (in the background): OH MY GOD IT WENT FROM ZERO TO ONE

'''The camera zooms in on the screen to see that it says 'in millions'. Ian spits out his milk. '''

Anthony: What?

Anthony takes Ian's milk, drinking it.

Ian: According to this graph, I haven't gotten one download, I've gotten one million...

'''Anthony spits out the milk onto Ian. '''

Ian: I'M RICH YEAH! And probably don't want to drink out of that, I spit in that.

Anthony spits out the milk for a second time. '''Ian revels in being rich. Ian meets a girl.'''

Ian: Woah, that is a sweet top! How much for it?

Girl: It's not for sale!

'''Ian whips out a bunch of cash. A graph showing Ian's ego skyrocketing about Kanye West's appears on screen. The scene changes to an auction.'''

Auctioneer: And that concludes the bidding on this lovely item. Next up is another one of Picasso's earliest sketches. He did this when he was a child. Starting-

Ian: Oh, oh! 50,000 dollars!

Auctioneer: Sir, we haven't announced the starting bid yet.

Ian: Oh, 150,000 dollars!

Auctioneer: 150,000 dollars? Very well, anybody else? Going once, going twice-

Ian: A million dollars! My final offer!

Auctioneer: Sold! To the gentleman in the woman's clothing.

Ian: Yessssssss

'''The scene changes to a street outside a very nice house. Anthony appears in front of it, he knocks on the door. A butler that looks like Anthony appears in the doorway. '''

Maria Consuela: Si?

Anthony: Hi, is Ian here?

Ian: Maria Consuela, I told you not to answer the door again! It could be another relative begging for money. Get out of here, get out of here. So anyway, it's not so much about the length as it is the girth, it's very girthy. Oh sorry, hey, talk to you later Obama, alright later bye. Hey how's it going.

Anthony: Oh you know, just hanging in there. Y'know-

Ian: Hey, thant Maria chick is pretty hot, huh? Something about German girls just makes me want to (wildcat noise).

Anthony: So, um, yeah, I was just wondering if you wanted to play some Super Head Esploder?

Ian: Oh, no, no, I don't have time for childish games like that. See I've got to pick up another painting Picasso did when he was three. I mean, it's not the best, but you pay for the name.

MC: Senor Ian, lunchtime!

Ian: Yes! Taco Tuesday!

'''Ian closes the door in Anthony's face. '''

Ian: See ya.

Ian walks down the street, talking to his app.

Ian: No you shut up!

Phone: SHUT UP

Ian: No you shut up!

Phone: SHUT UP

Ian: Oh man I never get tired of this.

A man passes by.

Phone: SHUT UP

Man: Excuse me?

Ian: Oh no, it was just the phone

Man: I'm pretty sure you just said-

Phone: SHUT UP

Man: You're gonna pay for that you little emo kid

Ian (angrily): I'm not emo, and I'm specially trained in ninjutsu and could rip your heart out with two fingers! Prepare to die!

'''Ian winds up. He moves to attack the man. The scene cuts to Ian's grave, where Anthony sits forlornly in front of it. '''

Full Video: Ian Gets Lucky