Food Battle 2008/Script

Introduction
(Anthony starts to put a tape into the VHS player)

Mr. Padilla

Anthony, are you watching Toy Story again?

Anthony

Dad, leave me alone!

Mr. Padilla

You know it's not real, right?

Anthony

Shut up! It is too!

(Anthony sits on the chair, Ian appears standing by the side door.  Anthony sees Ian and gasps)

Ian (muffled)

Me and my pink frosted sprinkled donuts want a rematch!

Anthony

What?

Ian (opens side door)

Me and my pink frosted sprinkled donuts want a rematch!

Anthony

Oh really?! you won't stand against my new favorite food (pulls out churros) Churros!

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Bring it on, BITCH!! (Ian eats the donuts)

(The FOOD BATTLE 2008 Title Screen appears)

Sunglasses
(At the table)

ANTHONY

Let's see whose food can be sunglasses! (Outside)

IAN

(looks into the donuts and sees the donut) I can see the sun! It's all pink and sprinkly! And it's beautiful! ❌

ANTHONY

(looks at the sun through his churros) Ah, ah, ah, AAAHH MY EYES! (Screams in pain) AAAAAAGGGGGGGH ❌

Delicious Smoothie
Anthony: (wearing sunglasses from being blinded before) Lets do this one! Ah, I can't see what does it say?

Ian: It says a delicious smoothie?

Anthony: You're going down! (Points towards Ian's eye)

Ian: Ahhhh!

Anthony: (Making a churros smoothie and drinks) Mmm. ✅

Ian: Hehe! Anthony doesn't know it but I'm gonna add a little secret ingredient to make it taste better. Yeah, go get 'em, mayonnaise. (Making a pink frosted sprinkle donut smoothie) Yeah, this is gonna taster so good! (Drinking) Mmm! ✅ ( spits) BLEUGHH!

Ian's Mom
(At the table)

Anthony: How about we do... your mom!

Ian: Your mom jokes are banned in Food Battle 2008!

Anthony: But she's really right here!

(Ian looks at Anthony angrily)

Ian: Can we just do something else?!

Anthony: Fine! Let's just do this Anti-Theft device.

Ian: Alright!

Anti Theft Device
Anthony: C'mon churro, you know how to take care of those bad guys! (Puts his churro on his car door handle and hides in a distance)

(The thief appears and removes the churro with ease, and enters his car and finds a CD)

Thief: Aw, sweet! 1099 free hours?! That's like, forever! YEAH! (runs away)

Anthony: (Starts screaming in horror) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ❌

Ian: Let's see if you can get pass this one! (Tapes his donut on his car door handle)

(The thief appears and tries to remove the donut, but is shot dead)

(The camera pans to Ian, who is holding a handgun)

Ian: (Hides gun) It did it! ✅

Pink-Frosted Sprinkled Donut
Ian: I bet your churro can't be a pink frosted sprinkled donut!

Anthony: Yes it CAN!

Ian: Oh, REALLY!? No it can't. It's because your churro isn't pink, it isn't frosted, it isn't sprinkly, and it's definitely not PINK!

Anthony: Yeah, well maybe if I-

Ian: Well yeah?! Yeah?! So, you know what? F!#K YOU!!

(cuts to the pool from '06)

Ian: Let's do this, donut! Wait, you're a donut! (chuckles) ✅

Anthony: C'mon, churro, I'm gonna throw you in there, AND YOU BETTER BE A DONUT WHEN YOU COME DOWN OR I'M GONNA KILL YOU. (Throws his churro in the air) Yeah! (Struggling to catch the "churro") Woooo, Woo-hoo! (Picks up the donut) You're a donut! ✅

Explosive
Anthony: How about......(A random hand points) An explosive?

(Ian smiles)

Ian: You better work donut! because if you don't, I'm gonna kill your family! (activates the donut "bomb", and beeping is heard) Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, I gotta throw it somewhere! (tries to throw it at Anthony's car)

Anthony: NO! Not my car!

Ian: I gotta get rid of this! It's gotta explode! (tries to put his donut on Anthony's pet rock)

Anthony: NO! Not my pet rock!

(Then he puts the donut on the plastic flamingo)

Benny Jean: NO! Not my damn pet flamingo!!

(Ian has no options left, and throws at a random direction and braces for impact)

(The donut puffs smoke, and doesn't explode) ❌

Ian: I'm going to kill your family, donut!!

(Shows Anthony Lighting his churro with a lighter)

Anthony: C'mon churro! Let's show Ian what a long dose stick of "cimmanon" can do!

(He manages to light his churro)

Anthony: (laughs while dancing with his lit up churro) Hey Ian, it's working!

Ian: Anthony, that thing is gonna explode!

Anthony: (coughs from the smoke)

(Explosion)

Anthony: (has only one arm now, and screams) Wait, it worked! ✅

A weapon that can be thrown from 30 feet away to kill somebody
(At the deciding table, Anthony still only has one arm)

Ian: I bet my donut can kick your churro's ass at being, a weapon that can be thrown from 30 feet away to kill somebody!

Anthony: Wow that's sounds really killer. (laughs, Ian hits him) OW, MY NUB!

(At the outside)

Ian: Alright donut, let's kill somebody. (sees a guy who throws a banana peel on the sidewalk) You littering douche bag! AH, HADOUKEN! (the donut doesn't kill the guy) Dang it! ❌

Anthony: Alright let's do this.

Guy: Ugh, I hate Toy Story. (throws the Toy Story VHS on the ground, this makes Anthony Mad) (scenario is repeated in red) Ugh, I hate Toy Story! (throws the Toy Story VHS on the ground again) (Anthony tries to throw the churro but fails as he slips on the banana peel, and the churro impales him)

Ian: Oh My God, I left trash on the ground! (picks up banana peel and walks away)

Result: No Contest

Ending
Food Battle News Reporter: Ian, Ian, you've just won Food Battle 2008, what are you gonna do now?

Anthony: Eat this, Ian! (Throws the churro at Food Battle Reporter)

Food Battle News Reporter: Oh, I thought he was dead!?

Ian: Uh, he is now.

Food Battle News Reporter: Oh good, in that case, you've just won Food Battle 2008, what are you gonna do now?

Ian: I'm gonna go have a party!

Food Battle News Reporter: Oh boy, a party. Can I come?

Ian: Yea!

Food Battle News Reporter: Really?

Ian: "No!"