The End of Christmas (Part 1)/Script

Introduction
INT- Ian's bedroom

IAN

Ian talks in a Santa voice.

Oo, you certainly brought your Christmas cheer. Hohoho!

Anthony enters.

Ian: Oh hey dude, so how was your Christmas?

Anthony: Uhuhuhuh, let's see, it sucked. My best friend, forgot to get me a Christmas present this year.

Ian: Wow, what a jerk!

Anthony: (exhales) No dude, I don't think you heard me. My best friend didn't get me a gift this year.

Ian: Oh hey dude by the way, thank you so much for the best friends forever necklaces; it was amazing. But do you know what would make this the bestest best Christmas ever?

Anthony: What?

Ian: If you maybe, read me one of your awesome, Christmas stories.

Anthony: You know what?!

Ian: What?

(Anthony pushes Ian off his bed towards the door)

Ian: Ow!

Anthony: (goes on Ian's bed while wearing a Christmas hat and wrapped himself in a blanket) You're gonna tell me, one of your stories this year, bitch!

Ian: Okay, (brings a chair towards and sits on it) story time. Okay uh, one day uh, you and I were waking up for...

In the story from A Smoshy Christmas!

Ian and Anthony (in the story): Presents!

Back in real life

Anthony: No dude, you're just copying my story from last year. Tell something new.

Ian: Uhuhuh, okay! So uh, got a good one. You and me were hanging out with some, banging out babes. (laughs)

Anthony: No! Dude, that's, way too sexy. I don't wanna bitchitang on your sheets or something. Tell me a better story.

Ian: Uh, okay fine. So what's the least sexy way I can tell a story.

Ian and Anthony: Puppets!

Ian: Okay okay, I got a good one. Uh once upon a time, you and I were just waking up for Christmas.

Before the songs
On Christmas in Ian's room

(Ian and Anthony woke up as puppets)

Ian: Oh my freaking frick, it's freaking Christmas Anthony! Merry Christmas!

Anthony: Merry ChristmasWhat the hell is that?

(the camera points at the bump)

Ian: Uh, nothing. (pushes the bump away) That's just a, candy cane. Uh so aren't you excited to open up your gifts?

Anthony: I'm tired of Christmas! It's always the same, stupid thing every year. In fact, I think I wanna sing a song about it.

After the first part
Ian: (talks as Anthony continually breathes) Uh... Uh... Uh, you know what, I might think I hate Christmas too!

In between the songs
Ian: Man, I wish there was some way we can change Christmas.

Ian and Anthony: Hmmmmm!

Olly Murs: I'm back for last year, bitch!

Anthony: I got it. How about we go back in time, and destroy Christmas so it never exist? (laughs evilly for eight seconds, stops for a little bit, and then laughs for two more seconds)

Ian: Seems like a pretty weird plot for a Christmas special, buuuut I'm in!

Anthony: Awesome, let's go!

(the puppeteers leave the house with the puppets while one puppeteer farts quietly)

By Ryan's house

Ian: (opens the gate) Dude, why are we at Ryan Higa's driveway?

Anthony: Everyone knows that all Asian's have time machines, duh.

(Ryan is seen licking a lamp)

Anthony: Ryan, what are you doing?

Ian: Were you just making out with that lamp?

Ryan: (gasps) No! (gasps again) What?

Anthony: Okay that might be legal in Hawaii or something, but that's not legal in the United States of America.

Ryan: Yeah, I know that. That's so, that's why I wasn't doing that, obviously.

Ian and Anthony: Ri-i-i-i-ight!

Ian: Anyway, we want to go back in time and stop Christmas from ever happening 'cause it, kinda blows balls.

Ryan: So then why are you coming to me? I don't have a time machine.

Anthony: But you are Asian, correct?

Ryan: Okay fine, I had one but I sold it to someone else.

(Ian and Anthony point their guns at Ryan)

Ryan: Alright alright, I'll take you to it. Just, put your guns down. Geez.

Anthony: You know, this seems like a great time to sing a song.

Ian: Augh, fine!

After the songs
Ryan: I like to make out with lamps.

Ian and Anthony: What?

By Harley's house

Ryan: Nothing. Hey, look, we're here.

Anthony: We didn't get very far, did we?

Ryan: Singing distance always seems hecka far but really, it isn't.

(Olly leaves)

Ian: Quick guys, look!

(the time machine arrived)

Harley: (leaves the vehicle) Sup bitches? I hope you like how I, alternated history.

Ian: Whoa holy freaking tit balls, my phone's wrapped in bacon!

Anthony: And my wallet's filled with Jack Daniels. (drinks the alcohol and throws up) Augh, how could anyone drink this s**t?!

Ian: So uh Harley from Epic Meal Time fame, uh can we borrow the time machine?

Harley: Only, if could beat me in an arm wrestling competition.

Ian: Let's do this you handsome bearded f**k.

(Ian and Harley arm wrestled each other for a while)

Later on

Ian: Why f**k this!

(the puppeteer controlling Ian took out the puppet, slammed down Harley, and showed his middle finger as Ian and Anthony went in the time machine)

Anthony: Let's get the f**k outta here!

Ryan: (enters the time machine) Wait guys, I almost forgot my lamp.

Anthony: Dude, what-what are youYou, you know what, I'm not even gonna ask. Let's just go.

(Ian, Anthony, and Ryan left with the time machine)

Out on the road

Anthony: If we want this thing to travel through time, we gotta hit eighty-eight miles-an-hour. What's our speed?

Ian: I don't know! The speedometer only goes up to sixty-nine!

Anthony and Ian: Ryan!

Ryan: Teehee!

In an ally

Harley: (calls an unknown person) Our plan worked perfectly.

Ryan (in the time machine): (wears a black cloak and speaks in a deep, evil voice) Excellent, I'll talk to you later.

(Harley tries to hang up)

Ryan (in the time machine): (speaks in a deep, evil voice) Come on man, hang up. I'm almost out of minutes for the month.

Harley: Can't hit the buttons with this stupid, puppet hand.

(Ryan groans)

In the late Maastrichtian Age

(the time machine arrives)

Anthony: Where the hell are we?

Ryan: And what the hell is that?

(a Tyrannosaurus rex spots Ian, Anthony, and Ryan and roars having them scream in fear)

Ending (part 1)
Back in real life

Ian: The end. (closes the book)

Anthony: What, seriously?! You are officially the worst story teller ever; that, that ending sucked.

Ian: Well I guess we can make that a cliffhanger and then finish the story in part two next week. (wink)

narrator #1: Tune in next week to see if Ian and Anthony can stop Christmas from happening, and to see if Ryan Higa will ever stop making out with lamps, and to see if those stupid puppeteers will ever get better at their job.

(the three puppeteers showed off their middle fingers)

random puppeteer: Hey, f**k you!