22 CRAZY VINES (That Don't Exist)/Script

Clip 1: Vine
main narrator: (shows the Vine Logo) Vine!

Ian: (wears towels) Now it's time to get dressed. (jumps, snaps, and lands; then wears a dress) That's not what i meant by dressed!

Clip 2: Vine
main narrator: (shows the Vine Logo) Vine!

Ian: Hey Anthony.

Anthony: What?

Ian: Hey Anthony.

Anthony: What?

Ian: Hey Anthony.

Anthony: (turns into a devil) WHAT?

(Ian screams)

Clip 3: Vine
main narrator: (shows the Vine Logo) Vine!

boy: Daddy, how are babies made?

"father": I have no f**king idea.

Your mother ass

Clip 4: Vine
main narrator: (shows a picture of a vine) Vine!

Ian: Alright, my arms are gonna get so ripped. (tries to lift weights, but rips his arms off) AHAHAH! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT BY "RIPPED"!

Clip 5: Wine
main narrator: (shows a picture of wine) Wine!

boy: Mom, how are babies made?

"mother": I don't know, ask your mom.

boy: But you are my mom.

"mother": YOU WERE ADOPTED!

(the boy cries)

"mother": Yes!

narrator #2: Question averted!

Clip 6: Pine
main narrator: (shows a picture of a pine tree) Pine!

Ian: Come on dude, we're late!

Anthony: (in the bathroom) Aw crap! (runs quickly (in frame-by-frame form), with his pants down, to the car and farts)

Ian: OH DUDE!

Clip 7: Mine
main narrator: (picture of a war mine) Mine!

Connor: (dubbed by an off-key voice actor) ''How many fools can I kill today?  Too many to count, don't get in my way.''

Clip 8: Nine
main narrator: (shows a picture of the number 9) Nine!

Anthony: (sings) This girl is on fire!

girl: No I'm not!

(Anthony throws a flaming cocktail behind him, making the girl scream in sears)

Clip 9: Lime
main narrator: (picture of a lime) Lime!

narrator #2: Meanwhile at the head making factory...

boss: Hold on guys! Let's not get ahead of ourselves!

(everyone laughs)

Clip 10: Shrine
main narrator:(shows a picture of a table with candles, a plant, and a shrine) Shrine!

Ian: Hey Anthony.

Anthony: What?

Ian: Hey, Anthony.

Anthony: What?

Ian: (grows big purple eyes and has an alien voice) Hi!

Clip 11: Sign
main narrator: (shows a picture of a road sign) Sign!

narrator #2: Timmy the Time Traveling Troll! (He sings it)

(Bonn, Germany, 1782 title appears)

Timmy: Hey Beethoven, you wanna hear music from the future? (plays dubstep)

Ludwig: Oh my god, that sh*tty music made me go deaf! (As he's saying his lines, he's also covering his ears)

Clip 12: Twine
main narrator: (shows a picture of twine) Twine!

narrator #2: (talks quickly) Timmy the time traveling troll.

In Berlin, Germany at 1944

(Timmy shows Adolf Hitler a funny video)

Adolf: (laughs) This Borat man is very funny!

Timmy: He's Jewish.

Adolf: NEIN! (shoots himself)

Clip 13: Line
Main narrator: (shows a picture of a line) Line!

narrator #2: (talks quickly) Timmy the time traveling troll.

In Pangaea, 200,000,000 B.C.E.

Timmy: (speaks on a megaphone) SPOILER ALERT! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE FROM AN ASTEROID, YOU STUPID DINOSAURS! (gets eaten by a dinosaur)

Clip 14: Dime
main narrator: (picture of a dime) Dime!

Antoinette: (texts) Dear Facebook friends, stop using Facebook to complain about your stupid lives. I'm getting sick of it.

Captain Falcon: Hypocrite punch! (punched Antoinette)

Clip 15: Blind
main narrator: (shows a picture of a blind man with a walking stick) Blind!

narrator #2: Meanwhile outside a drug dealing vampire's house...

police officer #1: What are we even doing here?

police officer #2: Well, we are on a (grabs a wooden stake and a hammer) stakeout.

(The police officers laugh)

Clip 16: Slime
main narrator: (shows a picture of Slimer) Slime!

Anthony: Shoot your web on me Spider-Man. (makes light noises) Oh yeah.

Bruce: THAT NEVER HAPPENED! (cries and runs away)

Clip 17: Time
main narrator: (shows a picture of a clock) Time.

(the guy came to girl)

male of the couple: Run away with me and get married!

female of the couple: I can't!

male of the couple: Why?

female of the couple: (shows cantaloupes) I can't elope!

(the audience laughs)

Clip 18: Shine
main narrator: (shows a picture of a Shine Sprite) Shine!

Ian: Oh hey Wonder Woman, wanna touch my batarang?

Bruce: THAT NEVER HAPPENED! But I, kinda wish it did.

Clip 19: Rhino
main narrator: (shows a picture of a rhinoceros) Rhine! O!

narrator #2: Meanwhile at every girls house...

Antoinette: Girls, I've decided to finally turn my life around and go to a diet; tomorrow. (stuffs herself with cake)

Clip 20: Crime
main narrator: (shows a picture of a man holding a gun at someone with their hands in the air) Crime.

Ian: (shows his sketch of Anthony) Did I do a good job?

Anthony: You get my (picks up a seal) seal of approval. (throws the seal)

Ian: Wait! (falls down) YOU LITTLE F**K HEAD

Clip 21: Mind
main narrator: (picture of a brain) Mind!

Edward: (sings) Yo...

goat: AAAGH!

Edward: (sings) ...yo...

goat: AAAGH!

Edward: (sings) ''A pirate's life for me!  Yo...''

goat: AAAGH!

Edward: (sings) ...yo...

goat: AAAGH!

Edward: (sings) Murdering fools for...

goat: AAAGH!

Clip 22: Gynaecologist
main narrator: (shows a picture of a gynaecologist) Gyn-aecologist!

male of the couple: (holds the female) HANG ON!

female of the couple: There is something important I need to tell you!

male of the couple: Anything, I'll always love you!

female of the couple: I'm pregnant.

male of the couple: Ew! (drops the female)

female of the couple: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Clip 23 (Deleted): Dine
main narrator: (picture of a fork, plate, and knife) Dine!

(Ash, Metrosexual Hipster, and Magikarp are dubbed over by a voice actor)

Ash: I'm a grown man; you should be ashamed of myself.

Hipster: I'm also a grown man; I don't have a real job.

Ash: Maybe we should kill ourselves.

Hipster: I wanna die.

Magikarp: Look at these stupid costumes.

Clip 24 (Deleted): Find
main narrator: (shows picture of a magnifying glass) Find!

Zelda: (dubbed over by a middle-aged man) L to the I to the N to the K  Wears tights every day, don't give a damn what you say.

Ending
guy: Hey, what are you doing?

Ian: I'm just watching those Vine Videos.

guy: Cool, let me see.

narrator #3: Two seconds later...

guy: Wow, this is freaking boring!

Anthony: I don't know, it gets my seal of approval. (grabs a seal)

Ian: Wait, no no no, the seal!

(Anthony throws the seal on Ian and a guy and the audience laughs)

Ian: Oh, seal of approval. I get it.

goat: AHAHAH!