7YR OLD DOES TWILIGHT!/Script

(Anthony and Sadie saw Twilight Saga trailers)

Anthony: Okay Sadie so after watching all the Twilight trailers, can you try to tell us what you think Twilight is about?

Sadie: I think so.

While discussing the movie

(Sadie is the narrator)

Sadie: So, a girl is walking from school and a bad guy's mad at her. Then a car tries to hit her.

driver: (sees Bella) AHAHAHAH!

Bella: Oh no, a car's gonna hit me!

Sadie: But the bad guy was actually Superman without his cape and he stopped the car with his hand.

Edward: (took off the jacket, stops the car with his hand, and talks to Bella) I just saved your life.

Bella: You're like totally Superman without a cape.

In the woods

Sadie: Then we see that he's part monkey and they climb trees.

(Edward is carrying Bella)

Edward: Gah, you're fat.

(They go behind a bush)

Edward: My dad was a monkey.

(Bella was curious)

Edward: Yeah my mom did it with a monkey! So what? (crunches on a banana)

Sadie: Then they have a spelling test or something and he quizzes her on words.

(Edwards quizzes Bella)

Edward: It rhymes with lamp-ire.

Bella: Uuuh?

Edward: Say it out loud. Say it!

Bella: Umpire.

Edward: Yeah close enough.

Sadie: Bella has a birthday party, but only Superman's weird family was there.

In the house

Bella: Your family's really weird looking lately.

Sadie: Then the weird staring guy gets mad and attacks her!

Bella: (opens the present and sees a skip it) YOU GUYS GOT ME A F**KIN SKIP IT? WHAT IS THIS, 1996? (closes the present)

Jasper: I SPENT MY WHOLE ALLOWANCE ON THAT! (Attacks Bella)

Sadie: But Superman jumps and uses the force to push him away.

(Edward dressed as a Jedi and Bella gave Jasper the middle finger)

Sadie: Superman feels bad and leaves so he can get her a better gift or something.

Outside of the house

Edward: Don't worry Bella, I'll get you something better.

(Walks to the store)

Bella: Good, and it better not be a bop it.

Edward: S**t. (Goes to the store)

Sadie: Then there's a guy named Jacob. He doesn't like wearing a shirt since he sounds like he has a cold.

Jacob: Bella! (Runs to her)

Sadie: He loves the girl too.

Jacob: (turns Bella) I love you Bella more than Superman.

Sadie: Superman comes back and tells the girl he loves her too.

Edward: (turns Bella) I love you more!

Jacob: (turns Bella) Naahaa!

Edward: (turns Bella) Yaha!

Sadie: The next day, Jacob gets a letter from the mailman.

The next day

Jacob: Not a letter! (Throws a letter down)

Sadie: And gets really mad; he takes off his shirt.

(Jacob gets upset and runs)

Sadie: Then Superman and the girl get married.

At the wedding

Bella: I do.

minister: And do you, Edward Cullen, take Bella Swan as your wife?

Edward: You know it.

(Jacob is seen crying on the corner)

Sadie: So after that, Superman and Bella hugged on a bed.

In the house

Bella and Edward: Ah!

Bella: Hug me harder Superman! Harder!

Edward: I'm hugging you so hard right now.

(Jacob is seen crying watching them)

Jacob: I'm a werewolf.

Sadie: In the morning, the girl wakes up with a tummy ache.

Bella: (gets out of bed) Owie!

Sadie: Then she gets really fat because of the monster in her belly.

(At the kitchen)

Bella: Edward, do I look fat to you?

Edward: (looks at the belly) No way babe, you look g-great! (turns around and laughs) Fat-ass.

Sadie: They call the monster a fetus or something.

At the doctor's

doctor: I hate to say this, but you've got a fetus inside of you!

Edward: (takes off his sunglasses) Mother of god!

Anthony: Okay, so how do you think the Twilight movies ended.

Sadie: The monster pops out of her belly! Then everyone lives happily ever after, the end.

(Bella, Edward, and the doctor see a Chestburster from Alien come out of Bella's belly and are horrified about it)