POKEMON IN REAL LIFE 5!/Script

Beginning
In the Kalos region

Ash: (speaks in his thoughts) Man, I can't wait to catch all the Pokémon in this region. (speaks out) Ooh! (goes near a bush and sees a mysterious item) Sweet, a new item! I wonder what's inside! (reaches for the item)

Old Man: (stops Ash and walks over to him) Hey hey hey, you can't do that! First you have to get the cut techinque, then you have to teach it to a Pokémon, and then have that Pokémon cut the bush for you, and then you can get the item.

Ash: Or I can just push the bush to the side...

Old Man: NO NO NO NO NO NO! You can't do that!

Ash: Why?

Old Man: Because youYou just can't, okay?

Ash: Fine! (moves to a different area)

Old Man: (walks away from Ash) Freaking kid doesn't know anything about cutting their bushes.

In a different area in the region

(Ash walks up near Metrosexual Hipster)

Hipster: (turns around and walks towards Ash) I hear you're looking for the cut technique; I've got one, (turns around and walks away from Ash) but you're gonna have to battle me!

Ash: Why are you walking like that?

Hipster: (walks towards Ash) It helps my chances of battle people, duh. (turns around and walks away from Ash)

Ash: Uh, well I guess I need the cut technique. So, let's battle?

Hipster: (walks towards Ash) Cool, just walk in front of me!

Ash: Okay. (follows Metrosexual Hipster)

Hipster: Just walk in front of me. (turns around and walks the opposite direction) Just walk in front of me. (turns around)

Ash: (follows Metrosexual Hipster and exhales) Dude, stop!

Hipster: Just walk in front of me.

Ash: (follows Metrosexual Hipster) STOP!

Hipster: Just walk in front of me.

Ash: Well can you stop walking like that?

Hipster: Just walk in front of me.

different old man: (saw what Ash and Metrosexual Hipster were doing) Freaking bath salts!

Hipster: Just just, just walk in front ofJust walk in front...

Ash: (walks in front of Metrosexual Hipster) Ha, gotcha bitch!

Hipster: I have a very scarf, it keeps me warm in the winter. Let's battle!

Ash: (interrupts the battle) Wait wait wait, why-why would you say that?

Hipster: Say what?

Ash: You s---Nothing, let's just battle.

Hipster: I like bicycles, it feels good when I run over bumps. Let's battle!

Ash: God, I hate this place!

The Battle
Hipster: Go (throws his Pokéball) Belieber4Evr!

Belieber4Evr: Chespin.

Ash: Belieber4Evr?

Hipster: Shut up! I got him from Wonder Trade and I can't change his name! Besides, Bieber's not even that bad. He's even got a six pack.

Ash: Yeah, whatever. Alright Charizard, I choose (spins around) you! (throws his Pokéball)

(Charizard roars and breathes out fire)

Hipster: I learned from my past mistakes that I made sure that my Pokémon has four attacks. You don't even stand a chance bitch! Ooh, that one looks good. Belieber4Evr, use Tail Whip.

(Chespin uses tail whip on Charizard)

Hipster: Yeah!

(Charizard's defense fell)

Ash: Uh Charizard, use Rock Smash.

(Charizard uses Rock Smash on Belieber4Evr)

Belieber4Evr: Ow. (its HP is lowered)

Hipster: Alright Belieber4Evr, annihilate his face with a Swagger.

Ash: Swagger? That's-that's, that's a move?

Hipster: Duh duh duh.

(Belieber4Evr dances to Swagger music)

singer: ''Let's ride!  With your pocket full of money on the babe.  Let's ride!  Latest gamer saw the keys to the cab.  Let's ride!''

Hipster: (dances to the music) That pony ride conga.

singer: ''It's two for the rather baby one.  Let's ride!''

(Charizard's attack sharply rose, but it also became confused)

Ash: Crap! Uh, Charizard, use Flamethrower.

(Charizard tries to attack, but it hurts itself in its confusion)

Ash: What! Why would you punch yourself in the face 'cause you're confused? That, that doesn't even make sense! And can you stop playing this damn song while we're battling?

(the pianist stops playing and presses a keyboard)

key #1: No!

(the pianist keeps on playing the music)

Hipster: Okey-dokey! Let's blast 'em with a Curse attack.

Belieber4Evr: **** bush ***** with **** no **** mish ****** with ***** that cook ************** mo wish.

Hipster: What the hell is a b*******?

(Belieber4Evr's attack and defense rose, but its speed fell)

Ash: Alright Charizard, use Flamethrower again, but this time don't punch yourself like an idiot!

(Charizard tries to hold in his punch, but it still hurts itself in its confusion)

Hipster: This is finally my chance to beat one of his Pokémon! Belieber4Evr, uuuuuuuse Tickle.

(Belieber4Evr goes up to Charizard and uses Tickle on it to damage it more; Charizard snaps out from the confusion)

Ash: Alright Charizard, finish him off with a Scratch.

(Charizard comes up to Belieber4Evr and scratches it with his finger; Belieber4Evr wails and then faints)

After the Battle
Ash: (raise his fists) YEAH!

Hipster: (begs on his knees) No! But my Pokémon had so many attacks!

(Ash makes noise with his mouth close and does a victory dance)

Hipster: Alright fine! Here's your stupid Cut technique!

Ash: (takes the HM disc) Thank you very much.

(the pianist plays a tune)

Ash: Is that really necessary?

(the pianist hits a keyboard)

key #2: Sorry!

Back in the original area

Ash: Alright, now I just need to teach Cut to one of my Pokémon. (sees that Charizard can't learn Cut) No. (sees that Pikachu can't learn Cut) No, no no, no no. No no. (sees that Jigglypuff can't learn Cut) What the? (throws the disc away) Screw this! (cuts the bush by himself and grabs the mysterious item) Alright, it better be a good item in here or I'm gonna punch a stupid old man in the face! (finds the mystery item is another Cut HM and gets outraged)

Epilogue
Old Man: (pets a Magikarp) Aw, it's okay that no one loves you and you're completely useless.

Magikarp: Karp.

Ash: (runs towards the Old Man and swings the bush at him) Cut that bitch!

(the pianist presses a keyboard repeatedly)

key #3: He-He-He-Headshot!

(Ash gets confused and the pianist presses another keyboard)

key #4: CALL 911 NOW!

(Ash leaves and the pianist presses another keyboard repeatedly)

key #5: I don't-I don't have any-I don't have any friends.

To See More and Thanks for Subscribing
Old Man: To see behind the scenes footage and bloopers, click the video right here. To see another Pokemon in Real Life episode, click right here. If you wanna go subscribe to those jackasses, you can click that yellow thingamajig. I'm gonna go cut my bush. Ew, not that kind of bush you sickos! Talking about my pubs. What were you thinking?