Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-79.101.199.57-20140318135655/@comment-109.93.117.198-20150629010346

There's a silly show on National Geographic called Diggers (...so scripted... send in the Fake Guy) - there's sort of a Bear Grills type of parody there - because when they dig with their bare hands through muddy soil it looks as if they're digging through s**t - so: an idea.

In a parody they would have devices which look like metal detectors (and they probably would be) but on them instead of 'metal detector' it would say 'poo detector' and the sound they make would not be beep-beep-beepbeepbeepbeep, it would be poop-poop-pooppooppooppoop (but then again there would be a prop issue I guess cause not too many people have metal detectors, right? so one might be creative - use a crutch with a vacuum cleaner part and frisbie hotglued at the end of it and an old iPhone for its screen gauge taped real well at the handle bar or something...) and so they would be roaming around in the field like two lazy cockroaches (wanted to say "they would be roaching around in the field" but then I googled the term 'roaching' - so nope - then thought to change it to "they would be cockroaching around in the field" but then I googled 'cockroaching' - double nope, scratch that too - hey there's an inuendo in there too - oops one more ... whoow - a pun now too - get it ? - 'inuendo' ... like: in-u-end-o'; talk about puns ...um... shucks gee I forgot where I was) - yeah - they are out in the field with their poo-detectors lazyroaching around (google... ... ... ... phew!), occasionally there's that interview shot and two of them go through what just happened like: Benny-Jean (they both have a hilarious hillbilly accent):"Nothing but dog poo I tell ya. ...Whole day... Just dawg poe..." (shows him detecting them out and picking them bare handed and putting them in a big ol' bag filled with a bunch of dog poos) "...Once I found puma's poo. Hahaha. Get it? - Poo mus' poo. [silence] ...Aaah one of our inside jokes...", then they interview the other one - Cletus: "I usually find the small ones - like cat's poo, chicken poo, farot's poo, squirls', weasels', sheep's, goat's, " (they show a cilp of him finding goat poo-marbles - he looks around to make sure no one sees him - puts a handful in his pants pocket, notices camera - funny surprised face -- caught) "deers', raindeer's - you name it." - spits to the side (not happy). Now the show shows them detecting away - they are all happy (run around like idiots and jump and roll and trip and fall and go to the level of insincere of showing how utterly happy they are when they found some s**t), then they find a pile of cow manure and some other s**t (the stake just went up!).- and then - all of the sudden one of them (Benny-Jean) hears his poo detector going crazy >>POOPPOOPPOOPPOOP!!!<< and then he gets down and dig a bit and he has a face like 6.6 and then his face lights up with his crooked smile and bad teeth (one of them with a large hole, like - straight through hole - legit) and then he jumps around all happy holding someting hidden in his hands and he makes sounds and laughing like Goofy (the Disney's one) - like: "Ag-hoa-ha, ah-huh!", and he runs to the other one (Cletus) like crazy and says "Hey, Cletus, look, see what I just got!", and then it shines in their faces as he opens his hands - and behold: there's a bunch of dung balls in there, and then Cleetus says: 8o "Whoow Benny-Jean - there's like one, two, three, a whole bunch of.." [close up on his greedy face] "..duuung baaallz!" -Benny-Jean:"Yeeeah. Imagine wha we can do with so much dung balls Cletus! ..We can buy all sorts of stuffs with this!" - he's all teary in the eye with joy and then all of a sudden a huge dung beetle crawls from the midst of it and he jumps in panic and he drops all those precious balls and they roll all around as they scream like freaked-out chimps. Benny-Jean:"Aaa! What the hell's that Cletus!" - Cletus:"What in darnation!", Benny-Jean:"Oh no - get those balls Cletus! They IS priceless!", and then you see that dungbeetle rolling one of those dung balls away super fast - comedically trying to get away. Benny-Jean:"Look! That darn thing is stealing my precious dung ball Cletus!" [he is now crouching and saying to himself with a crazy look in his eyes] "My precious..." - so they both start running after it - Benny-Jean is running with his hands full of dungballs so he can't catch that sneaky rascal, but he is running after it and keeping him on his eye and he is instructing Cletus "Look Cletus! There!" Cletus:"Where?!", BJ:"There he is, dag nab it! Right there, darn it! Grab it! Quick, before he gets away!", Cletus jumps on it and gets his mouth full of grass as he hits the ground: "Ï got it Benny-Jean, I got it!", so that chase is over, Benny-Jean puts those balls in a sack (brown old style cloth one) and they both return to see if they can find some more s**t (yup, literaly). Now Cletus gets lucky and his poo detector looses it's s**t (figuratively this one ...gee) and so now he takes his little metal shovel thingie and drops on his knees and starts digging like crazy (soil flying up like in cartoons) and then when he figured out he is close he drops his shovel and digs some more around it with his hands and surprised he says:"Whoow!" and then camera shows what he found - a big giant mound of poo spiraling up with a "cherry" on top - clasic looking one really but as large as a half of watermelon (what we can see of it thus far anyhow) so his eyes widened, he's all hyped and happy, and he is thinking in his mind while he's wetting his dry mouth with his tongue - C:"This one's really a whopper, it's like a really big fat person duked it out! Or an elephant! Or a prehistoric giant sloth! Yeah! Must be worth millions! Wait till I tell Benny-Jean - he'll crap his pants! - OH! Then we could scrape it off his pants and sell it too! My God! We sruck a big one here!" so he yells: "..Hey Benny-Jean! Come here! Look What I just found! I need a help here!" BJ:"What now!?! Oh dude that's huge! Man!" - they're geeking-out, and then he gets down and to Cletus's outmost dismay (even Cletuses cap jumped up for a second like in cartoons) Benny-Jean, like, karate straight through that dookie liek a baws! C: "No! What are you doin' Benny-Jean! It was perfect and now you all ruined it and stuff! O' no man... now it's all plowed and stuffs...", Benny-Jean (hard at work): "Quit yer whining Cletus! I'd recognize with my eye balls a dookie of one of those city slickers from miles away! There must be tresures in them poos like you never imagined!!" - sure enough he finds a golden tooth and after cleaning it a bit BJ exclames:"YES! There's gold in dem mount'ns! Feast your eyes on this Cletus - a golden tooth!", C:"Whooooooow! Sweet! Way to go Benny-Jean!", after that - C:"A one dollar coin! Woooow!", BJ:"Meh!", C:"What's next Benny-Jean?! What's next!?! O' I didn't feel so excited ever since we found that fosilized pertified 200 million years old dinosaur diarhea in the Squeezerock Forky Gulch!", suspense is mounting - BJ: "Wait! I found something!", both: "A door knob!?!", BJ: "O'boy, these cityslickers right? I mean o'man... They crack me up every time.", C:"What?"(confused face), BJ:"Never mind Cletus! Better gimme a hand here.", Both: "A wallnut.", "A lipstick.", "A bottle cap.", "A half of spoon.", "A bobby pin.", "A piece of drum stick.", "A whistle thingie from a flute.", "Five golden rings!", "A small zipbag with baking soda or somehing!", C:"Hey Benny-Jean y'know what I think? I reckon this a.. huh huh huh" [he squirms all squimish] "..a lady poo!", BJ (sarcastic): "Really!?! Y'reckon huh? Boe y' sure beat me y'noe. Well you sure a clever fella - almost as smart as dem city slickers I recon! You sure deserve a prize for your smartnesses.. like, like a... like a..." - he's still feeling around inside that brown mound of wonder BJ: "..ANOTHER DOOR KNOB!?!" - he starts pulling it - C:"Whoow it sure ain't another door knoob Benny-Jean.", BJ:"Jes's this thing's huge! Help meh Cletus! PULL! PULL!" - they both pull on it with all their might - finally after a suspense and shots of their sweaty forheads and their mouths flapping in exhaustion and Cletus almost fainting (he just crossed his eyes and went a little white in his face but he shook his head and regain his composure) - they are both cringing and pulling hard - all of the sudden it loosens and pop goed: :O  8o "An OSCAR! ... W* T* F* !!! ", C:"O' man Benny-Jean! I'm freaking out! D-d-d-d-do you think this here s**t of some of them famous peoples???", BJ (out of breath): "You know what this means Cletus?" - pause - both exclame in unison: "WE'RE RICH!!!!!!".

Then this sketch could go in a direction like: (cue in the tambourine chase music), they call in newspapers, crowd gathers around, they photograph it - spinning newspapers with a picture of a big ol' pile o' poo right there on front covers, second smaller picture: two of them standing on both sides of it and smiling for the camera shot holding shovels before they dig it all out - cause it was just "a tip of the iceberg". Then they bought a tractor and pimped it up and they show off driving it in crooked tuxedos and drinking champaigne and they turn on the front of it to bounce - they're rich. So they interview them - "What are your plans now that you're rich?", Benny-Jean: "Well I always fancied working from home.." - (they show old footage of him snoring in front of old wooden TV laying in a comfy chair with a beer bottle and junk around him while his friend Cletus in the background goes towards the bathroom trying to be unnoticed -- with one hand (with nylon bag over it) holding a toilet brush and scratching his ass with the other) - "..so I thought I'll make a home office, hire people, and run my work from there" (they show a photo of Benny-Jean and Cletus in messed-up un-tucked expensive suits shaking hands like business partners and there's a house in the background with a board with title "BENNY-JEAN & CLETUS   HOME OFFICES") Etc.