EDITOR!/Script

Monday 12:50 PM
(Anthony is playing Solitaire)

IAN (off screen)

GODDAMN IT, EDITOR!

(Anthony quickly minimizes the Solitaire window)

(Ian walks in Anthony's cubicle)

IAN

GODDAMN IT, EDITOR! REMIND ME WHY YOU WORK HERE!

ANTHONY

You hired me to edit the photos for the magazine.

IAN

YOUR JOB IS TO MAKE THE SKANKS LOOK HOT, RIGHT?!

ANTHONY

Right?

(Ian shows a picture of a hot girl)

IAN

HOT GIRLS HAVE HUGE GODDAMN JUGS! NOW MAKE THESE GIGANTIC, LIKE THE SIZE OF SHAQUILLE O'NEAL'S GODDAMN HEAD!

(Ian leaves, and Anthony looks back at the monitor, only for Ian to briefly peer back)

IAN

FIX IT!

Monday 3:30 PM
(Anthony is using Photoshop to make the girl's breasts appear larger)

(Ian returns to the cubicle and notices a pile of cardboard boxes in the corner)

IAN

GODDAMN IT EDITOR! SOMEONE COULD TRIP ON THIS AND BREAK THEIR GODDAMN NECK!

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">Sorry, I'll move it.

(Ian picks up a photo of a girl on Anthony's desk and berates it)

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">I PAY A**LOADS OF MONEY FOR YOU, AND THIS UGLY HOOKER IS WHAT I GET?!

<p style="text-align:center;">ANTHONY

<p style="text-align:center;">It looks fine, what are you -

<p style="text-align:center;">IAN

<p style="text-align:center;">NO!! I'M SHOWING THIS TO MY BOSS, AND GETTING YOUR A** FIRED!

(throws photo back on desk)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;">GODDAMN IT, EDITOR!

(Ian turns to leave, but trips on the cardboard boxes on the way out)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian

<p style="text-align:center;">OH SH -

<p style="text-align:center;">(yells in pain)

<p style="text-align:center;">GODDAMN IT, EDITOR!

Monday 4:15 PM
(Ian gets back up and is about to leave Anthony's cubicle, when he notices a crudely drawn drawing on the wall)

(Turns back around to face Anthony)

Ian: Did your little brother do this?

Anthony: (nods) Yeah?

(Ian breathes heavily, about to yell, but doesn't)

Ian: It's nice.

(Ian leaves the cubicle)

Wednesday 2:15 PM
(Ian peeks his head in the doorway of Anthony's cubicle)

Ian: EDITOR!

Wednesday 2:30 PM
(Ian peeks his head from the walls of Anthony's cubicle)

Ian: EDITOR!

Wednesday 2:42 PM
(Ian rises and spins in place in Anthony's cubicle)

Ian: (drawn out) EDITOR!

Wednesday 4:30 PM
(Anthony is making a fat girl look skinny, when Ian comes in holding a photo)

Ian: GODDAMN IT EDITOR! THIS HOOKER FACE ISN'T HOT!

Anthony: (jeers) She looks hot to me.

Ian: LOOK AT HER NECK! IT'S NORMAL SIZED! MAKE HER NECK LONGER!

Anthony: OK BOSS, I'LL GET IT DONE!

Thursday 11:30 AM
(Ian comes into Anthony's cubicle, with the edited photo)

Ian: GODDAMN IT EDITOR! I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO MAKE HER A GODDAMN GIRAFFE!

(Cuts to show edited photo of a girl with a giraffe-like long neck)

(Cuts back to cubicle)

Anthony: The, uh, I had the new guy work on that one.

Ian: Well I'm gonna give that idiot a PIECE OF MY GOD, DAMN, MIND!

(Ian leaves the cubicle, screaming in rage)

(Cut to Ian opening the door to the new guy's office, which turns out to be a Predator)

Ian: GODDAMN IT PREDATOR!

(Predator shrugs sheepishly)

Thursday 3:11 PM (Deleted)
(Ian walks into Anthony's cubicle)

Ian: GODDAMN IT, EDITOR!

Anthony: My name is Anthony!

Ian: WHAT?!

Anthony: (sighs) I'm just saying, y-you don't have to call me Editor all the time, my name is Anthony.

Ian: I'm sorry, what - what's your job here?

Anthony: (sighs again) I'm -

Ian: YOU'RE THE GODDAMN EDITOR! SO THAT'S WHAT I'LL CALL YOU! Goddamn it, Editor!

(Ian leaves the cubicle)

Thursday 4:19 PM (Deleted)
(Anthony is getting a drink of water from an office water cooler, talking to another employee)

Employee: So, why can't a Dalmation play hide-and-go-seek?

Anthony: Why?

Employee: Because they're always spotted!

(Ian walks into the aqueduct with a foam cast around his neck)

Ian: GODDAMN IT EDITOR! DID I SAY IT WAS RECESS TIME?!

Anthony: I'm just - I'm just getting something to drink.

(Ian rips off the cast and throws it at Anthony)

Ian: GET BACK TO WORK! MAKE THOSE HOOGIES LOOK HOT! (pushes Anthony) GO!

Thursday 4:50 PM (Deleted)
(Anthony is editing a girl in Photoshop, when Ian walks in again)

Ian: (pauses) GODDAMN IT EDITOR! DOES THAT HOOGIE LOOK HOT TO YOU?!

Anthony: What do you want me to do?

Ian: MORE BLUSH! ''MORE! MORE!''

(Anthony places ridiculous amounts of blush on the girl, which greatly pleases Ian)

Ian: NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A HOT SKANK!

(Cut to the photo of the edited girl, zooming in on it, while electronic/night club music plays in the background)