Longest Staring Contest Ever/Script

In the kitchen

(Ian and Anthony are eating pizza rolls)

Ian: Mm, ah so good.

Anthony: Ah damn, I can eat this all day, everyday.

Ian: Telling you that man. Twenty-four seven, three sixty-five.

(they both tried to take the last roll)

Ian: There's only one way to decide who gets the last pizza roll.

(Ian and Anthony started talking at the same time for a sentence)

Ian: Staring contest.

Anthony: See whose poop is bigger.

Ian: What?

Anthony: I mean, yeah, staring contest.

At the table

Ian: (sets the pizza roll on the table) Alright, you know the rules; first person to blink loses. Winner gets the pizza roll.

Anthony: Okay. (closes his eyes) Ready.

Ian: (blinks repeatedly) Set.

Anthony and Ian: Go! (kept on staring at each other)

10 Minutes Later

(Ian and Anthony are still staring at each other)

Ian: Dude, this is getting kinda boring.

Anthony: Why you just quit then?

Ian: NEVER!

4 seconds later

Anthony: Okay, this is, really boring.

Ian: Alright, then let's take it to the level. (claps)

(Ian and Anthony used many distractions and has even sat in the bathroom together to end the contest)

Later on

(they were still making distractions)

Ian: Oh you can't get meOh crap dude, (gets his phone out) I have a blind date I need to go on. Sooooo...

Anthony: Sooooo, let's go then.

Ian: FINE!

(they both got up while still staring at each other) (music stops)

In the neighborhood

(Ian and Anthony gets in the car)

Ian: You know it could be extremely dangerous for me to drive without looking at the road.

Anthony: Yeah, I guess it could.

Ian: Well then let's go. (drives the car in reverse without looking at the road)

Stevie: (walks his snake) Where are you going Snaky? (laughs and turns left) Oh that way, okay. (walks on the open road while laughing) Yeah! (laughs some more and sees Ian's car) Hi guys! (sees the car still moving) Um, would-would you mind slowing down just a little bit. (sees the car not stopping) No, no, no, ah.

(the car drives close to Stevie not hitting him)

Stevie: Oh man, that was a close one.

Ian: (stops the car) Ah crap, I forgot my wallet. (puts the car in reverse, runs over Stevie, and stops the car) Wait, I never bring my wallet on dates. That way, the girl always pays.

Anthony: Maybe that's why your dates never work out.

Ian: Yeah probably. Oh well, free meal! (drives the car on drive and runs over Stevie)

Stevie: Oh oh god.

At the date's house

(Ian and Anthony walks to the front door)

Ian: Okay man, we really need to stop this game 'cause it's gonna ruin my date.

Anthony: Then why won't you just blink then?

Ian: Oh yeah, you know I can't (knocks at the door) let you win.

Anthony: You're willing to ruin your chance with the possible love of your life over some stupid pizza roll?

Ian: Yeah 'cause nothing comes between a man and his P roll; nothing! Now blink! (claps)

(Ian and Anthony kept on distracting each other through blinking for about twenty seconds)

Ian: That's it, (takes a rubber band) time to end this. (stretches the rubber band)

Anthony: No, no no no no.

Ian's date: Hey!

Ian: (stops aiming Anthony with the rubber band) Hey there.

Ian's date: You brought a friend.

Ian: Yep.

Ian's date: Weird.

Anthony: Hi.

Ian's date: So anyway, check this out. (gets a tray of pepper) My mom just made some of her famous, fresh ground pepper. (sneezes out the pepper)

Ian: This is it man. No one has ever sneezed without blinking!

Anthony: It was an honor staring at your ugly-ass face.

Ian: You too man.

(Ian and Anthony sneezed and spat water towards each other)

Ian: Damn it, we both blinked at the same time.

Anthony: Well, if we tied, I guess we'll just have to split the last pizza roll.

Ian: Oh yeah, why didn't we think of that in the first place.

Ian's date: Wait, what about our date?

Ian: Eh eh eh eh! Not right now, I got half a pizza roll to eat.

Anthony: Yeah, nothing gets between a man and his P roll. Nothing!

Ian and Anthony: Peace! (left the date's house)

In the house

(Steve eats the last pizza roll)

Anthony: Well, hope you're hungry after all that 'cause we're (sees Stevie eating the roll and talks slowly) gonna...

Stevie: Hey guys! Thanks for leaving me the last pizza roll. I was super hungry after being ran over and stuff, and this really hits the spot. Man this really hits my G-spot.

(Ian and Anthony become infuriated)

In the neighborhood

Ian: (repeatedly runs over Stevie with his car) Take that Stevie! (Anthony growls)

Stevie: (Ian leaves him) Oh my testies!

Deleted Scene
(the car runs over Stevie while on drive)

Ian: Wait, I kinda need to get a little sheet for my little sword. Catch my drift? You can never be too safe, right?

Anthony: Here man just, (takes his knife) take mine.

Ian: Oh, thanks man! Hurricane Cupid's page says she loves small hand-to-hand combat weapons. (drives in reverse while running over Stevie)