How Not to Act on a First Date/Script

ADAM (Ian)

(On phone) Then you know that oatmeal? (laughs) Ok I'm gonna have to cut you off because I've got that date with Amy in an hour, and I've gotta watch that dating thing again. ...Yeah(Laughs) Yeah, alright I've gotta go, bye.

Then he puts the video in and then the microwave goes off and he runs to it.

VIDEO HOST (Anthony):

For all you idiots who don't know how to act on a first date, we will clearly show how NOT to act on a first date. Again, stay clear of doing any of these things, and you'll be just fine. (Adam comes back with food) I've broke my program into 5 easy steps. Hygiene, Dinner, conversation, paying the bill, saying goodbye. Step 1: Hygiene. Don't bother taking a shower before your date. Buy deodorant, and put it over the parts of your body you think smells.

Then goes to scene where Adam is putting deodorant all over himself.

VIDEO HOST

Step 2: Dinner. After you pick up your girl, take her to somewhere YOU like to eat. Her opinion doesn't really matter.

Then cuts to scene where Adam and Amy are at McDonalds.

Amy (Anthony)

I wanted to go to an italian restaurant.

Adam: What's wrong with this place? They have a dollar menu. Do you know how much food you can get with ten dollars?

Video host

Step 3: conversation. Girls like to talk, so show her that your listening. Just nod your head and agree to everything.

Then cuts back to McDonalds.

Amy

<p style="text-align:center;">Then she just calls me stupid, do you think I'm stupid?

<p style="text-align:center;">Adam: Yeah.

<p style="text-align:center;">Amy: What?

<p style="text-align:center;">Adam: Uh-huh!

<p style="text-align:center;">Amy: Are you retarded?

<p style="text-align:center;">Adam: Yeah! I'm sorry, what?

<p style="text-align:center;">Cuts back to video.

<p style="text-align:center;">Video host: Step 4: paying the bill. Make up some dumb and inapropriatee excuse to why you can't pay. If she starts giving you crap about why YOU can't pay, tell her to walk her ass home.

<p style="text-align:center;">Cuts to McDonalds

<p style="text-align:center;">Amy: Aren't you going to pay?

<p style="text-align:center;">Adam: I was planning to, buy while I was in the bathroom taking a huge dump, I dropped my wallet in the toilet. It was pretty gross so I just left it there. But, I mean, you can go get it if you want.

<p style="text-align:center;">Cuts to video

<p style="text-align:center;">Video host: Step 5: saying good bye. Saying goodbye is super important, so you don't want to do something wimp like walking her up to the door.

<p style="text-align:center;">Then cuts to Adam driving Amy to her house. He parks in front of it. Amy gets out.

<p style="text-align:center;">Amy: So are you gonna walk me up to the door?

<p style="text-align:center;">Then Adam drives away.

<p style="text-align:center;">Then cuts to Adams room.

<p style="text-align:center;">Video host: After the date, leave no waiting period. Immediately ask her for another date.

<p style="text-align:center;">Adam (on phone): So seriously though, how about another date?... Hello? pfft. (redials number) Hey there. The video you gave me sucks. I followed every step, and she still refuses to have another date with me. What? Are you serious?

<p style="text-align:center;">Then then takes the disk out and it says: *How not to act on a first date*

<p style="text-align:center;">Adam: Oh, MOTHERFU---

<p style="text-align:center;">Video ends