Addicted to Selfies/Script

My Strange Addiction
{Living room}

Anthony: My name is Anthony, and everyone keeps telling me I'm addicted to taking selfies, when they must be addicted to being stupid because I hardly ever take selfies. (takes a few selfies)

{Outside} (Ian's hand is on fire but Ian doesn't mind)

Narrator: Anthony's life partner, Ian, is the only one that knows the full extent of Anthony's problem.

{Street} (Ian walks in the form of planking)

Narrator: He invited us over to see if we can help before Anthony's addiction goes too far.

{Living room}

Ian: First off, uh, I'm not Anthony's life partner, just to get that out of the way. Um, but anyway, yes, he's definitely addicted to taking selfies. I mean everyday he's taking shirtless photos of himself with his cat. And when he's not at home, he's taking shirtless selfies of himself with just other random cats on the street.

{Street}

Anthony: (takes off his shirt) Yeah! Gotta get my cat selfie! (pulls a stuffed cat from an old woman)

Old Woman: It's not even real! (rips stuffed cat) My pussy!

(Anthony takes selfie with the stuffed cat)

Narrator: Anthony spends 17 hours a day deciding which filter he's going to use. That's over 6,000 hours a weeks. That's almost the same height as a Brontosaurus.

{Living room}

Ian: I'm just afraid his problem is spiraling out of control.

Anthony: #IanTalkingSmack! (Takes selfie with Ian)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: (sighs) He's even taking part of all the stupid new selfie trends.

<p style="text-align:center;">{in Bedroom with a girl laying down after Anthony had sex with her}

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: #AfterSex! (Selfie)

<p style="text-align:center;">{In Bathroom with poop in the toilet}

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: #AfterPoop! (Selfie)

<p style="text-align:center;">{outside with a girl that has yoga pants}

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: #AfterWorkoutButt! (Selfie but gets slapped by the girl)

<p style="text-align:center;">{At the street with a covered corpse and cones with caution tapes)

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: #AfterMurder! (Selfie)

<p style="text-align:center;">{Street} (Ian's mom drives a Mario kart)

<p style="text-align:center;">Narrator: In an act of desperation, Ian has enlisted Anthony's girlfriend to help with the intervention.

<p style="text-align:center;">{Living room}

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: My mom is not Anthony's girlfriend.

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: If I say it enough, it might come true! Heh-heh! #AfterMarriageYoullBeMySon! (Takes selfie with Ian)

<p style="text-align:center;">Narrator: They've asked us to leave the room, so they can have a heart to heart with Anthony. But we stayed in the room anyway.

<p style="text-align:center;">(Anthony is taking random selfies)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Come on man, please stop taking selfies, I mean both of us are here because we want to help you.

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: Fine! I won't take anymore selfies.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Give me the phone. (Anthony gives the phone) Thank you.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian's Mom: And that one. (Anthony is seen with another phone and grabs it from him)

<p style="text-align:center;">Narrator: Anthony has taken 565 Gigabytes of selfies. If Gigabytes were hamburger bites, you could feed 7 million midgets in New York City. Hamburgers aren't made of ham and really confuses me.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Anthony's rehab is going kinda like s**t.

<p style="text-align:center;">{In kitchen with a bowl of broccoli, oranges, and a banana}

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: All you have to do is take a picture of the food just like any normal Asian would.

<p style="text-align:center;">(Anthony is struggling to take the picture)

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: I can't! #AfterIEatThisImGonnaTakeA#AfterPoopSelfie! (selfie with the food)

<p style="text-align:center;">{Outside}

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: So I just need you to take a picture with another person, alright?

<p style="text-align:center;">(Anthony is seen with a hot girl posing but still struggles and pushes the girl)

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: (takes off his shirt and has a stuffed cat) #ICantStop! (Selfie with the girl on the ground)

<p style="text-align:center;">Narrator: As a last ditch effort, Ian has decided to offer 6 US dollars to make Anthony stop taking selfies. I like taking baths with 6 naked Persian--God damn it Jerry! Don't write that s**t! Mom doesn't know yet!

<p style="text-align:center;">{Living room}

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Alright. I cleared out my entire college fund...

<p style="text-align:center;">(Anthony is seen with a guillotine with his head in it)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: What the hell are you doing?!

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: I'm gonna cut my body off and take a selfie with my head just rolling around. #AfterCuttingMyBodyOffSelfie!

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian's Mom: Stop! If you don't do this, I'll actually be your girlfriend.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Really?!

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: Really?!

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian's Mom: F**k no! (walks away)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Anthony, this time you've taken it too far. #ILoveYou. #NotInAGayWay.

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: All I wanted was to somebody to love me. #NotInAGayWay.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Promise me you'll never take another selfie again?

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: Promise.

<p style="text-align:center;">(Both crying and hugging each other)

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: #ImTotallyLyingImGonnaKeepTakingSelfiesForeverAndIanCantHearMeCauseHisHearingSucks.

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: What?

<p style="text-align:center;">Anthony: #Nothing. (Takes selfies)

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: You know I'm so glad Anthony finally got over his addiction. Maybe now he can actually contribute to society like I do by, uh, taking pictures of my balls.

<p style="text-align:center;">{At a table with actual balls covering his testicles}

<p style="text-align:center;">Ian: Alright here we--(Scoffs) who put these frickin' balls in the way? (Moves the balls and reveals his testicles) There we go. (Takes pictures of his testicles with random captions on the screen) Mmm-hm. Perfect.

<p style="text-align:center;">Narrator: If you know someone who's addicted to taking selfies, please send them this video before it's too late. Or just tell them to stop being such a narcissistic asshole.